Love Like Poison
by brilliantbritooobsessed
Summary: The story takes place 7 years after TSFT. What happens when Gemma, Ann, and Felicity must return to Spence and the realms? Will Gemma and Felicity find love again? Read to find out :
1. Chapter 1

**Gemma**

April 17, 1901

New York City

_Those you've known,_

_And lost, still walk behind you._

_All alone,_

_Their song still seems to find you._

_They call you,  
As if you knew their longing-_

_They whistle through the lonely wind,_

_The long blue shadows falling._

_Those You've Known, Spring Awakening_

Seven years has passed since my mother took her own life in a busy market in Bombay on my 16th birthday. Her death marked the beginning of a bittersweet journey that I will always carry with me. I find it impossible to forget that fateful day when I first had a vision. It was also the first day I met Kartik, the man who has haunted my dreams since. No matter how hard I try I cannot erase the memories of the hurt and betrayal I felt when I learned my mother was the one who destroyed the Order by making a pact with the dark spirits of the Winterlands. It still stings when I remember the last time I saw her face in the realms—a place that brought so much beauty to a dark and dismal world. Sometimes I still reflect on Miss. Moore and how she betrayed me and then redeemed herself to save us all. Most of all, I remember my friends who stood by me through it all. Ann Bradshaw--the scholarship student who was my first friend; the girl who would cut herself to remember she is still alive; the girl with the most splendid voice known to human ears; the girl who I helped. Felicity Worthington--a household name that she resented; a girl with enough fire and ice to dominate a world where she was powerless; a girl who's need for power sometimes clouded her judgment; a girl who dared to be different; a girl who was my best friend. Pippa Cross- my biggest regret.

In the past six years since we parted ways, many things have changed. I am no longer Lady Hope and the powerful leader of the Order. I have not returned to the realms since before I left London. Now, in New York, I live a life as a writer. I work for a living and enjoy it immensely. I am not married and never shall be. I have few friends because I keep mostly to myself. My father passed away two years ago in Bombay. The last time I saw my brother, Tom, and my Grandmother was when I attended the funeral. Last I heard, Tom is betrothed to Cicely Temple, a girl from my past that I want nothing to do with ever again. It is for this reason, I will not attend the wedding. I have no intentions of returning to London ever again.

Ann Bradshaw is now a famous actress and she tours around with her group a lot. I saw her last month when she was in town for a show. It was a real treat. She looks spectacular on the arm of Charlie, her peer and consort. They are to be married within the year. As for Felicity, neither Ann nor I have heard from her in quite some time. I imagine she is living in France with her mother and her father's ward, Little Polly. I do not know if Felicity has found love since Pippa.

My eyes flutter open with a start. I cannot escape the vivid nightmares I have been having night after night for the last month. All I want is sleep. I sit up and try to remember everything that has happened in these dreams. Each night I find myself wandering through the realms. I always end up at the Tree. When I reach out to touch the bark the sky crumbles and I fall as the night sky folds me in it. Flashes of light haunt me as I fall. There are glimpses of my friends, the ones I've lost along the way. I see Circe hanging from the Tree reaching out with the dagger. I see Asha and the Centaurs. I see Gorgon. And right before I wake, _his_ face appears pleading for my help.

I force my body out of bed and to my mirror. Upon examining myself I can see so much of my mother in me. With the sun beating through the window and hitting my hair I look exactly like she did. My green eyes are startling due to the black rings lining them. After washing up and dressing, I decide to take a walk. On my way out of my upper class suburban apartments, I check my mail. Inside my box I find a letter from Mrs. Nightwing at Spence. So much for taking a walk. I saunter back to my room and tear the letter open wishing it had never arrived.

_Miss. Doyle,_

_It has been so very long since I wrote last and I apologize. I have been exceedingly busy trying to manage Spence and the increasing numbers of girls attending. I hope all is well with you in America. I know you do not want to come back to London, but I am putting together a reunion ball for the current students to meet the alumni. I would appreciate it greatly if you could come visit us for a week or two. I will provide you with lodging and food. Miss. Temple, Miss. Poole, and Miss. Hawthorne have all already agreed to come. Miss. Bradshaw has said she will attempt to come in between planning for the wedding. As for Miss. Worthington, I do not even know her current location. She most likely will not be able to come unless someone can find her. Once again, it would be a great joy if you were to come. Please respond to tell me whether to expect you or not. The arrival date is May 3 and you would be welcome to leave whenever you want. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. _

_Lillian Nightwing_

I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do_._ I cannot just not attend if Ann is going. She will be tortured alive by the others. But I have no desire to go unless Felicity attends. Where is Felicity? She would not have left Paris without telling someone, would she_?_ Something feels off about the letter from Nightwing. I cannot trust that she would plan a reunion for our class for no reason. And the dreams about the realms make me feel like I need to return. It is like I am being called forth. As much as I wish it weren't true, I will go to the reunion. But first, I have to find Felicity. I swore I would not go back, yet here I go_._


	2. Chapter 2

**Gemma**

April 18, 1901

New York City

_You've got to get better,  
Said, it's all in your head.  
We could live through these letters  
or forget it altogether.  
See the months they don't matter.  
It's the days I can't take,  
When the hours move to minutes  
And I'm seconds away._

_New American Classic, Taking Back Sunday_

Having packed my bags and paid my rent, I leave my apartment in a hurry. Yesterday's news left me in a worrisome state so I decided to take the quickest ship to France. Unfortunately, that means I had only one night to prepare for the journey. On my way to the docks, I stop at the New York Times building to find Mr. Carter, my boss. When I walk in to his office I am greeted by a smile that can break hearts.

"Miss. Doyle, it is so nice to see you. I thought you were taking today off to relax."

His kindness always seems to astound me. "Yes sir, I did take today off. Unfortunately though, I am here to bring bad news." His smile fades as he takes in my luggage and the ticket in my hand.

"You're leaving?" His eyes--plagued with a twinge of sadness--find mine. I cannot help but feel his sorrow. In the past few years we have become great friends. It is actually well-known that he intends to propose anytime now. Leaving him seems like an impossible task. Once again I feel the urge to forget about the reunion.

"Yes. A dear friend of mine is in trouble and I must see to her at once." I feel guilty for lying to him. "I do not know when I will return. It could be quite a while. Forgive me for this sudden departure."

The news has him suffering a thousand deaths. I shall never forgive myself for putting him through so much pain. Mr. Carter is the man I should be with, if the world were a fair place. Although I have always known that the day would come for me to leave him, it hurts all the same. He makes his way to me in two quick strides and pulls me into an embrace. As he pulls back he kisses my forehead lightly and wishes me a safe journey.

As I make my way out of the door he calls after me. "Miss Doyle. Your job will still be here when you return. I will miss you." And with that I leave him standing there just out of reach.


	3. Chapter 3

**The song lyrics and the characters are not mine. I own nothing. Please review if you are reading. I want to know what I should work on and what you do like. **

**Felicity**

April 28, 1901

Paris

_Mama who bore me_

_Mama who gave me_

_No way to handle things._

_Who made me so sad._

_Mama Who Bore Me, Spring Awakening_

The cool night air sticks to my face like a mitten as I make my way towards my mother's salon. I have not been in this part of the city in over a year and a half and it hurts to return. The city I once thought to be remarkably beautiful sits dully resembling the heart beating steadily in my chest. I had no idea that leaving Malmortre and the Moulin Rouge would be so difficult. As I approach the salon I cannot help but remember the promise I had made to myself the day I left. _Never again will I set foot in this despicable place. I will never speak to my mother again. She is dead to me. _Yet, here I am, entering the same doors I so scorned a year ago.

Nothing has changed within my mother's salon since the last time I was here. Even the customers seem to be the same shallow imbeciles that look down on me the same way Mother does. I pull down my hood from my cloak and scan the people searching for her face. At last I find her in the back with a group of women I recognize but do not care to remember. In five short strides I am in front of her, head high and chin up. Her icy blue-grey eyes meet mine and take me in. If the eyes truly are the portal to the soul, than my mother must have a very cold one. Unfortunately I share the same cold and hard heart.

"Felicity…uh…how do you do?" _Is that all she can think of to say after a year of absence?_ _Well fine then. _ "Mother. I am not here to catch up and pretend I actually care about what you have been up to. I am here to discuss Little Polly." At the mention of that name her smile falls and she looks down to the floor. _Weakness. She is weak. _"She has written me and asked for my help. You see, she asked you first and what did you do? You laughed it off and called her a liar. What do you have to say for yourself?"

She grabs me by my wrist and pulls me into the back where all the supplies are stored. I pull my arm out of her grasp and scowl at her rude behavior. "What kind of greeting is that to give to your mother? Really Felicity, I thought you would have learned better at Spence. And then the nerve it took to embarrass me in front of my friends! Who do you think you are?" My eyes freeze over as I gather my rage. "No Mother! Who the bloody hell do you think you are? When I was six years old I came to you for help and you turned me down. Now, history repeats itself and what do you do? You make the same bloody mistake you made with me. I brought Polly here to get away from _him_. You promised you would take care of her. You promised." At this the tears well up. I will not be weak. I will not cry_._ It takes me only one breath to push back the sadness and replace it with fury. In that same amount of time my mother found a way to blame this on me.

"Polly was a burden around here. You know that as well as I do. That's why you left her a year ago. And to do what? You said you were going to travel and find a suitable man. What a bunch of lies Felicity! We both know you ran off the Moulin Rouge to work as a whore. It turns out we are not much different. Now instead of being upset with me for sending her back to London for six months before attending Spence, you could examine your own behavior."

Every once of hate stored in me disappears. I know she is right. I should never have left her. Polly suffered more of my father's _love_ because I abandoned her. "Goodbye Mother. This is the last you will ever see me. I mean it this time." As I turn to leave she reaches out for my hand. For a second I think maybe she will apologize or say she loves me. "You're my daughter. I did what I could for you. Look how you repay me. Do not come back again." And with that I leave her salon.

It is not until I am safely home that the tears spill over. All the pain I have stored up comes flooding out in a blur. _Why did I leave her for the Moulin Rouge? What have I accomplished since being here? Does anyone truly love me? Why am I so damaged? I miss Pippa. _Once she floods my mind there is no turning back. She is all I can think of. Her beautiful pale skin surrounded by those heavy black ringlets and the most beautiful eyes ever beheld. Those are the thoughts that spark another batch of tears. I weep until I have nothing left to cry. And with that I lie down and fall into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I'm not Libba Bray so I don't own these characters. If you are still reading I ask that you review. I like CC as well. I just want to know what you think.**

**Gemma**

May 1, 1901

Paris

_I've heard it said_

_That people come into our lives for a reason_

_Bringing something we must learn._

_And we are led_

_To those who help us most to grow_

_If we let them_

_And we help them in return._

_Well I don't know if I believe that's true_

_But I know I am who I am today _

_Because of you._

_For Good, Wicked_

Being in France makes me remember exactly how poorly I did in Madmasoielle LeFarge's class back at school. All the vendors on the street scorn at my French as I search for my friend. I figure the quickest way to find Felicity is through her mother. Searching for Mrs. Worthington proved more tedious than I had imagined, but after only one day in town I am directed straight to her salon. The salon is decorated with all the latest fashions and is in fact very trendy. If I did not know the wretched woman Mrs. Worthington really is, I would be much more excited to enter.

The doors open with only a slight push and immediately I can tell that the salon is closed. Of course, I come at a time when Mrs. Worthington will not even be present_. _Just then a door from the back opens and she steps out. She is wearing the highest fashion of London and once again takes my breath away. She does not resemble Felicity in any area other than her eyes. Even so, she is beautiful in a cold sort of manner. She looks me up and down trying to remember how she has seen me before. I spare her, "Mrs. Worthington, I am Gemma Doyle and I attended Spence Academy with your daughter." A sinister smile spreads across her face as she remembers. "Miss. Doyle, I remember you. You helped deceive me about the Miss. Ann Bradshaw. It seems that Felicity has never picked the right sorts of friends. First the epileptic child. Then a charity case and you. Hmm. Maybe your influence could explain her recent behaviors."

I smile politely even though I want nothing more than to put my boot in her mouth. "I am here to speak with Felicity. Is she around?" Mrs. Worthington laughs in spite of herself at some joke I do not understand. "Felicity moved away about a year ago. She was residing at the Moulin Rouge last I heard. We are not on speaking terms. That is all I can tell you. Will you please leave Miss. Doyle? I am very busy." Her smile looks polite but I can see that she no longer wants to be near me. So I turn and leave without a thank you or a good bye. _Bloody bitch. _

I have heard of the Moulin Rouge once back home. Evidently it is a nightclub for whores. I cannot understand why Felicity would want to reside in a place like that, but I must find her. Time is running out before I must report to Spence. I call for a cab and tell the driver my destination. With one look at me he laughs and asks if I know where I am asking to go. He would be surprised if he knew how little a matter it is to me that I will be entering the slums. "I know exactly where I told you to go. Now take me or I will find another driver." With that we are off. I do not know what I will find at this place but I hope it is her.

**Felicity**

The parlor smells of smoke and whiskey as I pace it wondering why in God's name Monsieur Freemont has called for me. He knows that I have no intention to become one of his dancers. I live here to surround myself with women and drinking. It is the environment I belong in. Monsieur opens his office door with a smile that can warm my heart any day. He reaches for my hand as kisses it gently as he murmurs something about my beauty. "Monsieur, why did you call me down here? You know I will not work for you."

"Oh, I know this. I have called you here because you have a guest. She says you know her from your days in London."

"Tell her I do not take visitors and have no desire to speak to her."

"She thought you would say that. Her name is Miss. Gemma Doyle and she must speak to you about the realms. I'm not completely sure what that means but-"

His words are meaningless at this point. Gemma needs me. She wants to return to the realms. _What if Pippa is there? What if she's not? Can I handle that?_ Phasing out of my thoughts, I push past Monsieur Freemont and into his office.

She stands there, still taller than me. Her green eyes penetrate into my soul. Whenever I am around her I feel like she can see right through me. Actually being near her in the flesh makes me realize how much I have missed her. We stand there awkwardly. Neither of us knows exactly what to say. I decide I should start. I want to say something like "you look well_" _or _"_how have you been old friend_?" _Instead all that comes out is, "Why are you here?"

She grimaces." It is nice to see you too Felicity. I am here to see you…obviously." She is the only person who has ever stood up to me and because of it, I respect her immensely. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to be rude. I am just shocked to see you…here. I have really missed you." Like two magnets, she and I come together in a warm embrace. It is nothing like hugging Pippa was, but it is meaningful all the same. I cannot help but feel relieved to see her.

"I lied to you Felicity. We will not be returning to the Realms. But, you are going somewhere with me. I will not take no for an answer." _Bloody hell. What now? _"Are you dragging me to the reunion at Spence? I will not go." She smiles at this and laughs without the proper ladylike restraint. "So you did get the letter? You will go. Now go pack your bags we must hurry. I do not intend to miss out on a chance to humiliate Cecily. She is after all marrying my brother."

This is news to me, but I do not care. For once I will not fight back. If Gemma wants to spend time with me, then I will allow it. She is after all my only true friend. Looks like I will be returning to Spence. I find that I am both excited and scared.

**Once again I ask you to review. Another chapter tomorrow.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So if you're still reading I would greatly appreciate some reviews so I know how I am doing. And I am not Libba Bray, nor will I ever be. Felicity and Gemma are not mine, nor will they ever be.**

**Gemma**

May 2, 1901

A train

_Words are flying out like  
Endless rain into a paper cup.  
They slither while they pass.  
They slip away across the universe.  
Pools of sorrow waves of joy,  
Are drifting through my open mind,  
Possessing and caressing me._

_Across the Universe, The Beatles_

The ride is bumpy as Felicity and I journey back to England, a place neither of us has been since our debut five years ago. My nerves constantly pulse through me like an electric current keeping me from concentration. I feel my body tearing apart at the seams and Felicity looks, well, serene. Maybe too serene. She is more melancholy than anything. What's got her so down_?_ "Fee?" Nothing. "Felicity." Still nothingness from her direction. "FELICITY!" Her head shoots up and she smiles at me like it was my fault I wasn't loud enough for her.

"What are you brooding over?" I ask, hoping she doesn't get upset.

"Oh nothing important. So tell me Gemma, what have you been doing in New York?"

I agree to tell her about my recent history only if she agrees to do the same. I know Felicity too well. She will try to squirm her way out of explaining herself. If her past reveals any weakness in her character, she will not speak of it. Felicity would rather die than be weak. Her only fear is being powerless. She cannot allow that.

"Alright, what would you like to know?"

"Everything." Her smile is contagious and I know that she is earnest this time. She will listen to anything I say. I decide to spare her by keeping my story to the bare minimums.

"Well let's see. The first year living in New York was the most difficult. Finding work turned out to be a burdensome task. I struggled to make friends and invent myself into American society. I spent most of my time sight-seeing. Then one day I was walking by the ocean and I saw an add looking for writers for the New York Times. So I went home and wrote a piece about the difficulties of finding a job. The next day I took it in to the office and met with a Mr. Carter. He loved my piece and next thing you know I have a job."

Felicity cannot resist asking, "Is he handsome and are you _involved_ with him?" I know she wants to hear all the juicy details of our relationship, but she must wait until the right time.

"He is terribly handsome. But that is beside the point. Now please just refrain from the questions so I can finish." Felicity is not pleased that I shut her up, but she sits back quietly. "Writing for the Paper is a dream come true. I spend everyday telling stories. The pay is also a major bonus. Mr. Carter and I became really good friends in those first couple of years. To be honest though Felicity, I was not ready to open up to him romantically. In fact, I am not sure I am able to now. Anyway, when my father died, Mr. Carter was my only comfort. He held me in his arms and allowed me to cry. Since then, we have been…uh…more than friends."

I can tell Felicity is dying to ask me something so I give her the opportunity before she has an aneurism. "Have you been lying back and thinking of America with Mr. Carter?" Of course she asks something so inappropriate. Only Felicity can get away with the cheek of such a question. I find that I cannot bring myself to be angry with her. I really have missed her it seems.

"Felicity, you have far too much cheek for a lady. We are back in London. You better behave yourself." She glowers at me and waits for me to go on. "Ok. Mr. Carter and I do not do that sort of thing together. He has never even kissed me. I do not want to be kissed by him…yet." I sigh, "I do not know what I want." Felicity is visibly upset, but she sulks silently allowing me to continue.

"Well since then he has been my only friend. We spend much of our time together and I like it that way. I am sure that someday we will marry, but for now we are satisfied as friends. There you have it, that is what I do back home."

"Your life is pathetic. Really Gemma, in five years you have had no physical contact with the man you obviously love? Pathetic. Oh. You forgot to tell me if you've had any visions. You would not return without me, right?" Her worried expression makes me feel a twinge of sadness for being away for so long. I know how much she wants to feel the power of the Realms. "I have had no visions. And I would never return without you or Ann. Now it is your turn. You can expect me to be just as annoying as you were during my story."

**Felicity**

I know that Gemma will sit quietly while I talk, only interrupting if it is necessary. This trait is probably what I love most about her. She always listens even if she disagrees. Telling my story is a much more difficult task. I cannot tell her everything. If I did, she would never look at me as the same. I take a deep breath and begin reluctantly.

"When I first moved to Paris I lived with my mother and Little Polly. At first it was a lot of fun. I came and went as I pleased. I visited museums and explored the city. A lot of the time I took Polly with me. But one day, after about two years, I came across a woman with black hair surrounding a pale beautiful face. She reminded me of Pippa." Just saying the name makes a shiver run up my spine.

"Her name was Marie and she introduced me to the Bohemian revolution that was sweeping the nation. It was the freedom I had come to Paris for in the first place. Within a matter of months she had me addicted to the lifestyle of these penniless men and women. I spent day after day in Malmortre. She introduced me to a lifestyle I finally fit into. You can understand that right?" Gemma nods at me with no judgment. I cannot lie to her. She will know everything.

"Marie and I pursued each other romantically. She satisfied me by numbing the pain I had felt for Pip. When she began dancing at the Moulin Rouge, I decided to watch. Little did I know then, the Moulin Rouge was the place for me. I became addicted to the night club. It was not long before I decided to move there.

"So I told Polly to stay with my mother and that I loved her. Mother was infuriated with my decision and I left in bad terms. Even so, I found myself overjoyed with my company at the club. Marie and I had a very passionate relationship. It ended about two months after I moved in. She decided to move back home. I haven't seen her since. That is what I have been doing with my time. I know it is an indecent life, but I have no other choice."

Gemma surprises me by taking my hand in hers and squeezing it gently. In that small movement I know she does not judge me for my decisions. Sometimes we can say so much without even opening our mouths. And with that, Victoria Station comes in to view. I look out the windows wondering what disasters await.

**Gemma**

After calling a cab at Victoria Station, Felicity and I had a small argument over whose house we would rest at for the night. Of course Felicity won, as she always does. The carriage bumps and turns heavily on the way to Grandmother's house. I wish it would slow down. Felicity does not say much during the ride. I think she is slightly embarrassed about her lifestyle choices. Her silence gives me time to think.

I have never really looked down on Felicity for her choice to love women. After the way Admiral Worthington treated her, I cannot blame her for avoiding the love of men. There is no way of denying that Pippa was a beauty. It only seems natural that they would grow closer in the realms with no one to tell them no. I have never worried that Fee felt for me the way she did Pippa. It is obvious that she never will. I used to be envious of their close and intimate relationship, but now I understand why they were so passionate. I hope Felicity can find love again. I hope I can find love again. We both lost our loves on the same day. For that reason, Felicity and I will always be bonded. I find myself relieved in that promise.

Looking at Felicity I see more of a woman than ever before. She no longer wears her blonde hair in the style of a proper bun, but now it is fastened in a more French, modern style. Some of the hair is twisted up, a bit untamed, while the rest sits smoothly on her back. I'm relieved to see that Felicity is not wearing a man's style, as once long ago she told me she would. Even so, she does not wear a corset to tame her body to the standards of men.

She has always been someone I have admired and despised at the same time. When I first met her, she was so set on being in charge that she shunned me. I, being just as stubborn as she, stood up to her and earned some respect. Felicity and I were not truly friends until I caught her in the woods with a Gypsy. It was a secret that bound us together. In the beginning, secrets were what bound Ann, Pippa, and Felicity to me. Somewhere along the line that changed.

The carriage slows to a purr and I peer outside. We are approaching a large estate that I recognize as Grandmother's. The anticipation is killing me. My grandmother's servants approach and take our bags as Felicity and I saunter towards the house. I fear seeing my family will be excruciating. The door swings open and Grandmother appears. Since Father's funeral, she has become even frailer. She walks less sturdy and her skin hangs loosely over her face.

"Gemma dear. I have missed you so" she says as she pulls me into a loose hug. When I put my arms around her, I worry they will break her bones.

"Hello Grandmother. I trust you are well. You remember Felicity Worthington, do you not?" Felicity gives one of her most charming smiles and a brief "How do you do?" Grandmother seems taken aback by Felicity's manors. I cannot tell if she is honored, pleased, or disdained. Even so, Grandmother meets her smile and replies, "I do quiet well thank you. Follow me to your bedrooms to clean up."

The house looks the same as always. Each room brings back memories. We stop at Felicity's bedroom before heading to mine. Felicity is nothing but polite, but I can tell she wants to jump out the window. I shall keep an eye on her. I politely tell Grandmother that I remember where my room is and she has no need to walk me there. At that she leaves, and I cannot help but feel like I will never satisfy her.

Nothing has changed in my bedroom. Seeing all of my old possessions stirs up thoughts I haven't thought in a long while. I sit down on my bed. Before I can help it, my mind wonders to the time Kartik was here, his arms around me. I lay down in the spot I had laid that night. I find myself hugging the pillow wishing it was him. I have no desire to fight the tears. They come like unrelenting reminders of the man I only had for a short time, but would do anything to get back.

About an hour and a half after we arrived, Grandmother taps on my door and waits while I wipe away the tears and freshen up. Once inside, she peers at me and blushes. She has never been very good at comforting. "Gemma, I can see that you want some time to yourself, but I think it inappropriate to spend all day in your room. Thomas's betrothed, Cecily Temple, is having a large ball tonight at her family's home. Tom asks that you attend. Miss. Worthington is welcome to as well." I smile at the idea of Felicity at a ball. It shall be fun if I can convince her. I look at Grandmother square and the eye and speak honestly. "I will try to convince Felicity to go, but she is very stubborn. Tom can manage without me if we decide not to attend. Thank you for the news." Poor, Grandmother, all she wants is a proper ladylike grandchild, and I constantly disappoint. She forces a smile and leaves.

**Felicity**

I find myself peering out my window lost in my thoughts. It seems that since Gemma has come back, I am lost in my thoughts a lot. The door to my room creeps open slowly and I turn to see her all puffy eyed. I have never been one to comfort with words so I sit on my bed and tap it lightly for her to sit next to me. The minute she is settled, I smile warmly and take her hand in mine. The light in her eyes is already returning. We sit like that for a few minutes, neither of us talking. It comforts me to know we can be this way.

Finally, Gemma looks at me, apparently ready to say something. I wait patiently as she figures out how to say what she needs to say. "Grandmother has informed me that The Temple family is having a ball tonight in honor of Cecily and my brother Tom. We have been invited." A blush covers her cheeks and I laugh. Her blush deepens.

"As much as I hate balls, I would be honored to attend Cecily's for it will give me a night's advance on both embarrassing her and my family name." I smile inwardly as I plan my evening. Forgetting about Gemma, I am up in no time searching through my dresses. At some point during my frantic searching, Gemma leaves to prepare herself.

I finally find the perfect dress. It is far too low cut for a proper young lady. It is perfect. The blue satin barely covers my chest as I put it on, but I am ecstatic. Finally I add the corset-a piece of clothing I have not worn in years. I would go without it, but the strings will tighten me up so my breasts are even more revealing. I cannot tie the strings myself so I call for a servant. A young woman of about 17 comes in and lushes as she notices what I am wearing. She ties the strings lightly, knowing that the tighter it is, the more inappropriate it is. It looks like I will need to find Gemma to do it right.

When dressed, I walk to Gemma's room to find her brushing her hair. She looks lovely in a lavender dress. Men will notice her... She does not seem to notice how beautiful she really is.

"How do I look?" I ask, knowing she will approve. She turns and begins to laugh. In between breaths she says, "Brilliant, that is how you look! Oh, but your corset is too loose. Do you mind?" Her fingers tighten the laces so much that I cannot breathe. It is a pain worth suffering because when I look in the mirror I see the most powerful woman in the world. I see myself, the same outrageous girl I used to be, but now a woman.

**Once again, please please review **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or song lyrics.**

**Gemma**

_Hands touch. eyes meet._

_Sudden silence, sudden heat._

_Hearts leap, in a giddy whirl._

_He could be that boy,_

_But I'm not that girl._

_I'm Not that Girl, Wicked_

The Temple household is far too big and showy for a family of their standing. Walking through the gardens on the way to the house, is less like leisure and more like a parade. The front door calls to me. Upon entering I find the punch bowl inviting. After drinking a decent amount, I turn to survey the room. There are many men and women who I do not know. I recognize the faces of Elizabeth Poole and Martha from my days at Spence. They both have the proper sort of men on their arms. Martha is noticeably with child. I find myself smiling because Spence turned out at least two proper young ladies.

Felicity has not left my side…yet. Soon she will be parading herself to the men of this party, but for now she seems content in my company. I turn to move away from the drinks, but something-someone-catches my eye. A black cloak catches the wind by a window, but when I turn back it is gone. In the place of the cloaked man is Simon Middleton. His brown hair and blue eyes have not changed over time. I am at a loss for words again. He never ceases to take my breath away. Once again I wonder why I turned down his proposal. At his side is Lucy Fairchild, or rather Middleton, his wife. She looks just as lovely as she did when I met her a while back. They are a charming couple. London loves them.

Felicity catches my gaze elbowing me in the stomach. "I thought by now you would be over him. You, after all, are the reason you are not married to him." Her remark hits the sore spot in my heart. Sometimes Fee is truly heartless.

"I know. I am just admiring his…him."

"Well let's go talk to him then." Before I can object, Felicity has my elbow and she is towing me towards his company. Felicity pushes past the men he was speaking to and stops right in front of him. I duck behind a plant. Felicity's smile is all charm, and I feel like I should vomit.

"Simon Middleton, I was rather hoping that these five years would have made you more attractive but apparently I was wrong." At the sound of her voice, Simon grimaces and turns toward her. "Miss. Worthington, I see that the time in France has done little for your manors. You still enjoy making jokes at my expense." His smile and laugh make my heart flutter. _Blast! I should have married him!_ Felicity turns to find me and sees that I am gone. She is visibly upset, but when she looks back to Simon she laughs and exclaims, "I thought Miss. Doyle was behind me but your face must have scared her off." At the mention of my name, his face lightens up and he cranes his head trying to find me. This sends my stomach into hysterics.

The conversation becomes dull from that point. Felicity and Simon discuss their current lives. Lucy is introduced and my name does not come up again. Watching Simon laugh and joke with Felicity makes me feel the same envy as it had when I found out that he had meant to be with her before me. Feeling a little down on myself I walk to the balcony for some air. The cool night air medicates my nerves and relaxes me greatly. I am lost in my own thoughts, imagining the life I would have had I accepted Simon. My imagination has taken me to a whole new world-not perfect like the Realms-just different. The sound of a cleared throat brings me back to reality.

Simon is standing about two feet from me. He is alone.

"Miss. Doyle, sorry to bother you, but I wanted to say hello before you snuck off as you always seem to do." My heart is on fire. "Simon...er…Mr. Middleton. Forgive me for my lack of manors. It is truly wonderful to see you. I assume you have been well?" His blue eyes seem to linger on my lips as I bite my bottom lip. It is improper, but I cannot stop.

"I have been well, I suppose. What about you? Do you love America?"

"I am very well, thank you. America is satisfactory, I suppose."

His laughter fills my ears like a drug. "I sense some remorse in your voice. Is America not what you thought it would be?" When I do not answer he continues, "If it is any consolation, my life has not gone as planned either." This surprises me. Simon has always known what he wants, and he got it.

"You are much too kind Mr. Middleton. I fail to see how your life has been unsatisfactory. You got exactly what you wanted." He takes a step toward me. I can feel the heat of his body. I like it.

"Call me Simon. And sure, I got money and a great career and a family. But I never got the one thing I wanted."

"And what did you miss out on Simon?" His name sounds enticing and forbidden to my tongue.

"You."

My breath catches in my throat. What am I supposed to say to that? He is a married man. But, I want him too. We cannot be together. _Or can we? Why am I even considering this?_

As these thoughts rack my mind he closes the distance between us and peers into my eyes. "That was far too bold. I am sorry if I have frightened you. But, I cannot lie to myself anymore. Gemma, I have not gone one day without thinking about you. I would do anything for you."

I want to mention that he has a wife to think about and I am not to be his mistress. Instead, I say what my heart is telling me to say.

"You really shouldn't have said that." Before I can process my actions, I reach up and pull his lips to mine. They are not as I remember. He is not vicious as he feels the inside of my mouth with his tongue. He seems to be savoring the flavor. My stomach dropped to my toes and I'm lost inside his kiss. He moves his perfect mouth down my neck to my collarbone. His breath is warm and causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand. Simon's teeth nibble on my skin on my neck as his hands run up and down my body. I know I should stop him. I cannot. Something in me wants to go further. His kisses leave me cloudy as I reason with myself.

I am lost in this new feeling, this new sensuality. My eyes open and I see Felicity standing in the doorway, mouth ajar.

**Felicity**

The ball is already a bore and it has only begun a while ago. I find myself resenting these superficial men and women who speak to me begrudgingly. Many of those who bother to be polite just ask about my father. The yawn I have stifled escapes during a dance with a Mr. Barbell. It seems I have offended him. When the dance is over, I excuse myself to attend to the dressing rooms. On my way up the stairs I am nearly knocked over by Cecily, Martha, and Elizabeth as they rush to my side.

"Oh, Felicity! It is so nice to see you again. I have missed you dearly." It is Cecily who flatters me so. Martha and Elizabeth, never the ones to think for themselves, chatter similar affections towards me. I feel sick.

"It is nice to see all of you again. But, I must go to the dressing room. I will see you at Spence tomorrow, I presume?" Their nods are overeager as I turn and continue my way upstairs.

After attending to my needs in the dressing room I try to find something to do with my time. Between the low cut dress and my recent return to society, the whole party is gossiping about me. My father will hear of it by tomorrow and the thought makes me smile. Suddenly I realize that I have lost Gemma. I wander back through the rooms of the house searching for her. She is nowhere to be found. I open a door to the library and find a young woman, probably around 16 years of age, in the arms of a man. It reminds me of the type of girl I once was. I leave without disturbing them because I admire their boldness.

I have scoured the whole of the house and Gemma is still missing. I am perspiring from the heat of my search. Upstairs I see an opening leading to what looks like a balcony. When I open the door the first thing I notice is the cold night air as it dries my sweat in only one gust. Eyes closed, I take in the scent and feelings of fresh air. My eyes open and the dreamlike quality of the night is interrupted. A man is leaning down over a woman, tenderly kissing her neck. The woman's head is back and she is whispering something I cannot hear. Some strands of her auburn red hair have loosened from her bun and they cover her face. Her head lowers and I see that it is Gemma. A thousand different thoughts flooded my mind in that moment. The last being that I should allow them some privacy. Too late. Gemma has already noticed me.

As she pushes the man away from her, Gemma exclaims, "Felicity, this is not what it looks like!" Who is she kidding? I know exactly what I saw. The man turns and Simons face floods my peripherals. Both of them look panicked. After the shock wears off, I begin to laugh. Their faces are priceless as they relax a little and laugh with me. Simon looks as if he wants to die. Gemma, on the other hand, is blushing a crimson red. I find that I cannot stop snickering. I do not know why, but I find the whole situation comical.

Simon, still nervous, excuses himself and exits without even a good bye.

"Gemma come here. You naughty girl. I thought I was the only one who behaved so poorly." She laughs as I fix her hair. "There you go. Now you look presentable. No one will know about your silly escapade." She seems relieved that I am not angry. I continue, "I will want some explanations, but that can wait till tomorrow."

**Gemma**

Re-entering the ballroom proves to be an uncomplicated task. No one had even noticed my absence; although I cannot say the same for Simon who presently looks sheepish as his wife reams him. I am ready to retire for the night, but I cannot leave without at least saying hello to Thomas and his _fiancé_. The word sticks to my tongue like honey, but the taste is more like gravel. The crowd seems to have increased in size, making my search tricky. On my tiptoes I can see over most the women and some of the men. Sometimes height comes in handy. Finally, I spot Tom at the other end of the hall. He is speaking with some old men and women that look familiar to me, but I do not remember why.

Tom's face falters for a brief second when he notices my arrival. Within the second he is all charm and a warm smile lights his face. Even his eyes soften. Thomas has not smiled at me like this since before Mother died. I truly have missed that smile.

His arms wrap around my waist in an affectionate hug. Tom kisses the top of my head lightly and greets me warmly, "It is very nice to see you again Gemma. I have missed you dearly." Cecily must treat him very poorly if he has missed me that much. The new audacity to see me is confusing, but not unaccepted.

"Tom," I exclaim, "I had not realized how much I missed you, until now that is. How have you been? Impossible, as usual?"

"It is you who has always been impossible. I have been great. The wedding is sure to be a splendid affair and I cannot wait. Cecily will prove to be a very agreeable wife, don't you think?"

I say yes because I know it is the answer he longs to hear. I hope he does not notice the way I scowled at the mention of her name; although, I am sure Cecily told him that we have never been friends. Speak of the devil and he shall arrive. Cecily skirts through the crowd and latches onto Tom's arm, knocking me out of the way in the process. I consider pushing her back, but change my mind when I catch the look Tom gives me. He definitely knows that we are not fond of each other.

"Why Gemma, have you been getting enough sleep? You don't look too well." She is baiting me, trying to see if I will bite. I know I shouldn't, but I cannot resist.

"Cecily, my sleeping habits have changed since our days at Spence, but I am well rested. You see though, I can get rid of my exterior flaws. You on the other hand are just ugly. I am sorry to see that that will never change." Her mouth makes a small "o" and it is as if I slapped her. Secretly I wish I had.

"Gemma Doyle, that kind of behavior is unacceptable! You will apologize to Cecily and then leave my presence. I do not wish to speak to you when you are so disagreeable."

"Well Thomas, it has been nice seeing you again. Have a great life." I turn and leave their presence without even another glance back.

**Please review**


	7. Chapter 7

**Gemma**

May 3, 1901

A carriage

_I've been here before  
In this familiar place...  
My silence driving me insane.  
I've seen you before  
Amidst this familiar place  
A land I used to know,  
Now we must escape._

_Familiar Place, Mirai_

The ride to Spence is about a 45 minute carriage ride and I find that I am not looking forward to it. Felicity has not brought up the scene with Simon last night, but I know she is just waiting until we are alone. Unfortunately, that is now.

Fee does not waste any time. The carriage lurches forward and she smiles at me expectantly. I do not know how to explain myself. I do not even understand it. Even so, she will not allow me to escape her smiles until I throw her a bone. I look up and see that now she is wiggling her eyebrows. I laugh at her ridiculous performance and hope I can find something clever to say. Nothing comes to mind.

Felicity's smile drops when I do not begin. My silence upsets her, but she will not give up that easily. Her mouth opens as if she will say something, but she snaps it back shut. I have never seen Fee think twice before talking. Maybe she has grown up more than I thought.

Her mouth opens again, but this time the words come. "Do you remember that time you caught me outside the boathouse with Ithal?"

"How could I forget? That secret is the only reason we are friends." She frowns at the second part of my reply.

"We are friends for more than that, Gemma. I thought by now you would know that. But anyway, I was just thinking. The tables have turned. Instead of you keeping my secret, I must keep yours and I am happy to do so. I am just a little confused as to how you ended up on a balcony with a married man."

"First off, I went up to the balcony by myself to clear my head. Simon found me there and we started talking. He said he misses me and wants to be with me. I don't know why Felicity, but I could not help myself. I want to be loved by him. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong choice. My life would be so different had I chosen him."

My honesty has shocked Fee. She looks at me like she can see straight to my soul. I do not know if she can relate, but I find comfort knowing the she understands.

"You made the right decision, I promise you that. Had you chosen to marry Simon, you would still be stuck in the confines of London society. You would sit at home all day and do your motherly duties. When you made a mistake, everyone would gossip about you. You would be a sheep, Gemma. Does that sound appealing?"

She is right, but it is not enough. Somehow being married with children seems like a nice life. I could be happy with Simon. Felicity notices the doubt in my eyes.

"Just think about it. Had you said yes to Simon you never would have had a relationship with Kartik." The name claws at my heart. "And then in the Winterlands, you would have died as the tree claimed you. Everything would be very different. It is a good thing that you made the choices you did." Felicity is right again, but she has really struck a chord. I would be living some fantasy life as a hero had it not been for Kartik. I would have eaten a berry and never returned. But I did not. I came back for Kartik, and then he sacrificed himself. It is not Simon that I want, it is Kartik. Felicity knows it as well as I do.

"Why must you always be right?" I request of Felicity. She chuckles and simply states, "Because I am not blinded by my lust. I know what I want. Unfortunately, I can never get her back."

Once again I feel closer to Fee because of our mutual pain. We both grieve our losses. I allow the tears to fall. Felicity is not one to comfort others. Instead, she peers out into the landscape, allowing a moment to myself.

Spence comes into view just as my tears dry. It is just as big and imposing as before. The restored East Wing is spectacular in all its grandeur. For some reason being here again gives me butterflies. The gargoyles sit atop the school. I remember when I thought them to be creepy. Now I appreciate them for their help. They saved countless lives that night. As the carriage pulls closer I only feel more nervous. I glance over to Fee and she grimaces at the place. I can tell she had not planned to return.

The carriage stops outside the main doors and immediately two servants come to help us with our bags. Mrs. Nightwing opens the doors and greets us with unusual warmth.

"Miss. Doyle how nice it is to see you," She exclaims, "And Miss. Worthington, I did not think you would be able to come. Thank you so much for making time to attend this celebration."

We both say polite hellos and follow her in. Nothing has changed since we left. It is like I was here yesterday. Everything seems so surreal here. I never thought I would return to Spence.

Mrs. Nightwing interrupts my thoughts. "None of the others have arrived yet so you have first pick at the new rooms in the East Wing. There is space for everyone to room alone if that is what you prefer."

Felicity then asks, "When will Miss. Bradshaw arrive?" Honestly I am a little surprised that Fee cares. But, I am curious too.

"Miss. Bradshaw will arrive late tomorrow night. The rest of the girls will be here at various times today. Now, you are free to do as you like while you are here. I am sure you remember when dinner is served. The only thing I ask is that you arrive on time for meals and vespers."

We leave her to find suitable rooms. I wonder what I will do with all the time I have. As we make our way up the stairs all the memories come flooding back. The late night visits to the Realms, Miss. McCleethy's sinister arrival, Miss. Moore's departure, and all the times I sneaked through the halls consume my thoughts. It is all very strange. The East Wing is huge, but pretty simple to navigate. The servants have put our bags at the entrance so we can choose any room we want.

I find a nice little cozy room towards the back of the hall. Fee takes the one next to it. Soon my bags are unpacked and I roam over to Fee's room. When I enter she is standing by the window deep in thought. I stand next to her and see that she is looking towards the Gypsy camp. Before I can help I wonder if Kartik is among the men, but I know he is not. It tugs at my heart.

"I feel as if nothing has changed. It is like I never left. Does it feel like that to you?"

"Yes," I answer, "But I know a lot has changed since I was seventeen."

She smiles at me, but it looks pained. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"It is probably just me being paranoid, but I cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong. Why else would Miss. Nightwing insist we come?"

I hadn't thought of this. Felicity has a point though. "I am not sure why she decided to do this. But, nothing seems wrong. Nightwing looks fine."

"I do not mean here. What if something is wrong there?"

Another thing I hadn't thought of. Could it be possible that something is wrong in the Realms? Does that mean I can return? What will happen if I do?

"It doesn't matter. We will find out soon enough." Her words are soothing, but I cannot forget the ache in my heart. I know the Realms can cure it. I do hope we can return.

The rest of the day is uneventful. At dinner Miss. Nightwing introduces us to the girls and makes a ridiculously long speech. By the time we eat, the food is cold. Cecily gives me dirty looks all dinner, but I purposely ignore it. The rest of us make polite conversation. It is all safe and reserved, exactly as a woman's conversation should be.

At vespers we sit in the teacher's pew, which means I actually have to pay attention. I felt the eyes of all the students on the back of my head all evening. I was silently judged by a bunch of children. By the time everyone went to the room for social hour, I was tired and bored. The girls used this time to bombard us with questions. Felicity was asked the most because she is after all Admiral Worthington's daughter. She answered all the questions politely and did not tell the truth about her father.

When they realized that I have been living in America, the tables turned and I was stuck answering the questions. I actually enjoyed the attention. It felt nice to be admired. Cecily was asked the least, and she sulked about it openly.

At some point Felicity escapes to have a private conversation with the once Little Polly. Now she is Polly, a blossoming child who resembles Fee in more ways than one.

By bed time, I was excited. My pillow was calling me when I entered the room. Sleep came all too quickly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Felicity**

_You'll never know the way your words have haunted me.  
I can't believe you'd ask these things of me.  
You don't know me._

_Snow White Queen, Evanescence_

I am in a room I recognize from my childhood. The bed, the wardrobe, it is all familiar. The door opens and a small child moseys in. She is not just any child. It is me, age six. She crawls into her bed slowly and hides under her covers. She hides from the monster that will come to her tonight, as It does every night. She trembles as the door creaks open again. It stands in the doorway, a disturbing sneer pasted to Its usually charming face. It strides the room and dents the bed as It sits.

"Felicity, you cannot go to sleep before I sprinkle fairy dust on you. Come out from under there so I can bless you. "

She does not budge.

"I shall have to make you come out of there if you do not come on your own" It says agitated.

She peeks her head out from her hiding spot knowing full well what It intends to do.

"There, there child. I would not have to do this if it weren't for your beauty. You're a naughty child for looking so tempting. Now do not worry. The Lord will not mind."

Its hand slides under the covers and onto her small, fragile leg. Her body goes rigid as It climbs under the sheets with her. It forces her hand onto a body part she has no name for yet. She whimpers. It laughs.

I cannot take it. I run from the room. I run from my past. I am in the London streets alone in the middle of the night. And then I am with her. We sit at the bramble wall, her head on my shoulder. Her perfect hand clutches mine with desperation.

"I fear I cannot cross over to the other side." She says absent minded. The news is a blow to me. Why would she want to leave?

"You should not try to leave without telling me goodbye. Actually, you should not even consider leaving." I don't mean it, but I say it nonetheless. I know full well this will hurt her, the way she hurt me.

"And my fate is to be stuck here forever? That is hardly fair!" She is crying. And now it isn't just her hold on me that is desperate. Every fiber of my being is desperate. I reach for her face. Taking her chin in my hands, I wipe the tears away and kiss her gently. Through a bashful smile she admits, "I love you."

These three words shock and scare me. _What happens if I say them back? _They are not enough to describe how I feel for her. I should tell her, but I cannot say them back. She wants me too, but I will not.

"Pip, I will find a way for us to be together. I promise."

That is not what she wanted to hear. The tears come back, rushing faster and stronger this time. She stands and walks down a path away from me. I cannot resist. I have to go after her.

"Pippa! Don't leave me here. I…I need you." The words cut through my lips with a sob. "You are my hope, my dreams, my everything. My whole life has become warped around the idea of you. If you leave me now, I will never return to this place. The Realms have no beauty without you."

Now it is me who is crying. She comes running back. In one fluid motion she has me cradled in her arms. I cry and she soothes. There is nothing more beautiful than this moment. There is nothing more important than her. The tears cease and I sit up.

"I know a way for us to be together forever" Pippa says matter of factly. I want to know how, but I know whatever she says I will reject. She continues, "It only takes one berry. Just one little berry. If you eat it, you can live with me here forever." It sounds so appealing. "We will leave the factory girls. Together we will find a place to be with each other…alone. No one will ever make us feel unwanted again." I take a berry from her hand, suddenly very hungry. Her eyes are a white-blue color, not the beautiful violet I love. I am scared.

"If you eat it, you can love me." She has hit the spot. I want to love her. Her eyes change back to violet just as she murmurs, "I love you." It is less like a statement, and more like a lullaby. The red berry calls to me. My head is telling me no, but my heart sings to the beat of love. I'm blinded by this feeling. I place the berry on my tongue. It is bitter, not the sweet I had imagined. Suddenly I know what I must do. I look deep into her perfect eyes and tilt her chin towards mine. My lips touch hers gently as my tongue separates her lips. In a quick motion, the berry is in her mouth and I pull away from her touch. She cries, but this time I do not comfort her. She runs away, toward the castle. I fear she will not forgive me this time.

My eyes flutter open and the sob catches in my throat. I cannot bear to hold it in any longer. The tears rush down my face, drowning my nightgown in salt. My heart shatters. It will take weeks to glue it back together. The pain seeps into my very core. I feel it in my stomach, my head, and my lungs. I cannot breathe anymore. Each intake of air feels like asinine in my throat. The sobs become more frequent. If I keep this up someone will wake up. Suddenly I realize that I will not be able to stop without the help of someone else. Before I can process my actions I am in Gemma's room.

She turns over at the sound of my approach. When she sees my face—tear streaked and hurting—she sits up and pats her bed for me to join her. The close proximity of her bed is enough to sooth the ache a little. I weep on her shoulder. She rubs my hair. It is a very maternal action and it brings a whole new round of tears. There is no need for words. Gemma just holds me until I fall asleep. It is all I need.


	9. Chapter 9

**Gemma**

May 4, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me?_

_Help, The Beatles_

A knock on my door awakes me with a start. I roll over and listen to see if I had really heard it. Silence looms from all corners of the small room. Suddenly I am aware of the extra body heat in my bed and the soft breathing coming from my left. I glance over at Felicity's sleeping figure that has not been disturbed in the slightest bit by my movement. Sleep has tamed her usually sarcastic expression turning it into a smooth summer lake. There is no pain and anger in her body language. She looks how she would look regularly if the world was as it should be. I have not seen Fee this relaxed since the first few nights in the realms. I have missed this girl. I just wish there was a way to bring her back.

Suddenly I hear footsteps in the hall followed by a small knock that I am certain actually existed. Not wanting to wake Fee, I throw my covers and roll out of bed as gracefully as possible. Unfortunately, I am not as graceful as I hoped and the grey blue eyes of Felicity lock mine. For the slightest second they are like her face was a few seconds ago. They are like the calm current of the Atlantic in the spring. This bliss can only last for the slightest second before the shadows coax them back to their usually mean demeanor.

"What has you out of bed so bloody early? We're on vacation."

Instead of answering, I march to the door not caring that I am still indecent. Felicity is right about it being too early. The door flies open with more force than I had expected and in front of me stands Ann. She is not the plain mouse of a girl I once knew. She stands with her chin up like a proper lady. Her usually saddened eyes sparkle. The extra weight she used to carry is gone. I find myself in awe of the women she has become.

After standing and admiring her for a second it all rushes back. My hands find hers within a second and we are laughing and giggling like children. Between the hugs and squeals we manage to find our way into my room. Felicity, still in bed, realizes what is happening and is up with us in seconds. Soon all three of us are giggling in a state of giddiness.

Eventually calmness settles over us and we take a seat on my bed. None of us know exactly what to say because there is too much we want to know. Finally Felicity takes Ann's hands in hers and tells her how beautiful she is.

"I know! Isn't it marvelous! I am no longer the girl others put down!" Ann's life has worked out exactly as it should and I cannot bring myself to point out her newfound ego. "And," she continues, "I am to be married next month!"

"Will he be visiting us here?" I pose, hoping for a yes. It has been a long while since I saw Charlie, but I know I liked him at the time.

"Well of course! He insists on talking to my two best friends. He has it in his thick head that you are the reason we are together."

Fee laughs and inquires, "Why in pray tell would he believe we are the matchmakers?"

"He says 'Miss. Worthington and Miss. Doyle, if I remember correctly, first brought me Nan Washbrad who enticed me with her beauty. Then they brought me you, who enticed me with everything else. Nan taught me that inner beauty is much more important,'" Ann mimics in an absurd male accent. We all laugh at her impersonation.

"Oh, Ann! How can Charlie not see that you are beautiful on the outside too?"

"Gemma, don't act like I'm anything special. I am a normal English woman. The difference is that I'm happy. That is the only magic in my newfound beauty."

Felicity chimes in, "You are not normal Ann. You are extraordinary. How can you not see it?"

"I only see that my life is finally what I always wanted. Extraordinary is much too showy, but I will agree that I am constantly proving people wrong about me. And you know what? It feels extraordinary"

Ann's happiness is rubbing off on both Felicity and I. The rest of the morning goes on in the same manner. We all go to breakfast and chat with only each other. We laugh unrestrained. Ann smiles with a gleam I have never seen in her eyes. My problems turn to dust and Ann sends a mighty gust to blow them away. Even Fee seems at ease. We even get shushed by Mrs. Nightwing like the old times. As breakfast winds down, I find myself wishing this moment never ends.

**Felicity**

Ann brings sunshine into my usually grey life. The whole of our day is spent talking about wedding preparations, theater productions, and past admirers. No one looks down on Ann as an inferior. She walks with a new confidence never seen before. All the students are star struck in her presence. None of this surprises me though. I have always known that Ann had more potential than the rest of our lot. She essentially had nothing to lose from the start. I, on the other hand, had a long way to fall.

What does seem to surprise me is the twinge of envy I feel for her. Ann, the girl who would not fight for herself, got everything she wanted. Meanwhile I lost everything I needed. Not only does Ann enjoy the freedom of a life to herself, she has found someone to spend it with. She is in love. The weight of this realization turns my mood sour as night rolls in.

By the time social hour arrives, we are all socialized out. Ann, Gemma, and I find a nice spot in the corner of the Great Hall where we can be alone. We all have been itching to discuss secret matters.

"So I was thinking…How would you feel about walking the grounds tomorrow morning? I kind of want to see how much has changed," Gemma begins.

"That would be fun. What do you think?" They both look to me the same way they used to. My approval has always been of importance. My power over their decisions still exists.

"I've got a far better idea. How about we make a trip to the caves tonight?" I am half kidding as I say this. They missed the joke. I am greeted by two eager yes's. I continue, "Alright, it is settled then. We will meet at the usual spot at the usual time." The three of us all wear the same mischievous smiles we haven't seen in a while. It is refreshing. Soon enough our conversation molds back into what we have done the past seven years. I give the briefest run through possible. I cannot allow Ann to know my secrets. For some reason I find I cannot open up to her with the weight of my past yet. I almost feel she is too weak to carry such a load.

My head is in a flurry as I anxiously await the new adventures night is sure to bring. I count in my head the seconds as they mold to minutes. Eventually the clock strikes 11 and I am up in record time. I know that I will be ready in about 15 minutes, leaving me 45 to get to the chapel and back. The excitement stirs in my stomach causing a fluttering of my heart. Quickly I throw on my cloak, securing it tight, and fumble with my shoes. I tie my hair up loosely out of my face and sneak quietly out of my door.

The walk to the main hall is much longer from the East wing. I actually feel a little nervous as I crawl past Nightwing's door. An odd assortment of exhilaration and adrenaline allows for me to sneak past every door unnoticed. In record time I am in the cool night air with a cocky smirk marking my face. I've still got it, even after all these years. The walk up to the chapel seems longer than when I was young. At the top I am huffing and puffing. It seems my time away has taken a toll on my lungs.

The chapel doors open with a solid push. Cold air penetrates the chapel as I fumble my way down the center aisle. The long step leading up to the wine cellar juts out too far and I trip on it. Searing pain rushes up my leg and an audible gasp escapes my mouth. I can already feel the bruise forming. Even so, I will not be discouraged. I can see a full bottle of whisky sticking out of the communion wine box. Within seconds my hand grasps it tightly as I run towards the door. Once outside I slow to a walk. I am highly pleased with myself for being so clever and getting away with my trickery. As I enter the front doors of Spence, I can feel the arrogance rolling off my skin like sweat on a warm day in July.

Gemma and Ann are waiting in the main hall just as I enter. "You're late" Ann bellows. I am in no mood for being scolded for my knowledgeable deeds. So, I chide back, "If you are so upset than I will not share with you what I brought for this occasion." Within an instant I realize I have belittled Ann the way I always did so many years ago. I wait, anxiously, to see some of that fire she has recently kindled, but nothing appears. A pout spreads across her saddened face and her eyes are downcast. For the tiniest fraction of time I am satisfied with myself, only to feel guilty right after.

"Ann, I am terribly sorry. I was only kidding. Would you like to see what I've brought?" Both Gemma and Ann's faces seem to light up. I pull the bottle out from behind my back and hold it at arms length away. Gemma seems unsurprised at the whisky. Ann, on the other hand, becomes the same child she once was. A crimson blush envelops her cheeks.

"Did you steal that from Reverend Waite?" She exclaims, morbid curiosity coating her eyes.

"Yes, yes I did." Gemma snatches the bottle from me in one fluid motion. In the next second, she is beckoning us out the doors. For some reason, I feel a twinge of sadness as I leave Spence.

The stones that seal the entrance to the caves have been mostly torn down. It seems as if a group of girls have been attempting to see what is inside. It only takes the three of us a few minutes to spread the rocks apart enough for entrance. The caves appear to be the same as they always were. Drawings still line the walls sending off an eerie glow. With our candles it seems as if we are tribal women from years past. It is all very thrilling.

Ann, Gemma, and I assemble ourselves exactly as we used to back before the caves were off-limits. I sit out looking the doors with Ann across from me. Gemma is on my right. Pain wrenches at my heart when I realize last time we were here, Pip was too. The feeling does not shake even after Ann breaks into some story about a woman who had fallen off the stage at a show.

"Gemma, if you please, pass the Whisky. It is time to start the festivities." The bottle opens easily and the smell alone is intoxicating. I hold the opening to my nose and take a whiff. It burns lightly in my nostrils. Lifting it to my lips, I see Pippa in the realms before everything turned sour. I want this picture out of my mind. I gulp the alcohol, allowing it to burn my throat, until all thoughts of Pip are receding. Then I pass the bottle to Gemma.

Neither Ann nor Gemma drinks as much as me. The bottle continues around 3 more times. Finally Gemma pulls it from my hands and tells me I've had enough. My whole body is light and warm. The flames from our candles create this brilliant light that bounces off the cave walls magically. I do not know why, but I have an urge to touch these drawings.

In the distance I hear Gemma telling Ann about Mr. Carter and his beautiful eyes, but her story is of no interest to me. I find the sketch of the crescent eye just as I was about to give up. It calls to me. I try to stand, but fall. Gemma notices and laughs, helping me to my feet after humiliating me first. She asks something about where I am going, but does not follow. My finger runs over the smooth chalk of the crescent eye. There is nothing else to see so I stumble back to my spot.

"Remember that time we came here and drank whiskey?" I ask, uncertain as to whether or not that was really what came out of my mouth. Ann chuckles quietly to herself and Gemma just nods. "That was the night I told you about Saphists, remember?" Ann blushes again. Gemma smiles and nods. "I bet you didn't realize that I am one of those degenerates too!" I am shouting now. I cannot control these emotions. One minute I am fine, the next I am throwing a fit like a spoiled child.

"Felicity! Calm down, it's alright!" Gemma is straddling my waist. Her hands hold mine tight to my sides. Suddenly I feel moisture on my cheeks. How long have I been crying? "Are you done?" She continues. I nod gently and she is off of me. Her weight on my stomach has left me queasy. I roll over just in time to vomit all over the cave floor. It is in my hair and on my cloak. I cry some more.

Gemma and Ann hold me upright as we stagger back to Spence. I am still a blubbering child, but I am far past the point of caring. I do not even know what I am talking about. I just am. My feet are heavy. My body is tired. With every step I want to lie down and sleep. The scariest part is that I do not want to ever wake up from this slumber.


	10. Chapter 10

**I really really want some reviews. They would be greatly appreciated. Do you like it? Hate it? What would you like to see? I don't know, just tell me how you feel.**

**Felicity**

May 5, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_But I'm spinning_

_My head cannot stand effects from when the night began_

_And I_ _screw my life up evermore_

_As I puke my lungs out on the floor_

_Hangover Song, Say Anything_

I am awoken to extreme sunshine pulsing through a window and rustling on my bed. My eyes open to find Gemma tugging my sheets completely off my bed. "What in bloody hell do you think you're doing?" I exclaim. My tongue is covered in a coat of wool. It feels as if my head has been hit by a train. My stomach churns and grumbles, ready to spit out whatever remains in it at any moment.

"It is 10 AM. You already missed breakfast. I think it is time for you to get out of bed."

The word "breakfast" sends my stomach into hysterics. And then it hits me. I drank last night…a lot. And now, I do not even remember much. Gemma looks at me with full intensity as I concentrate with all forcefulness on last night's activities. I remember being depressed about Pip. I remember drinking somewhere around 12 gulps of whisky. I vaguely remember trying to walk somewhere, but I do not recall where. Everything else is completely erased from my memory.

"If you are trying to understand what happened last night, I can help. How much do you remember?"

Gemma is practically yelling at me. "Will you _please_ talk a little quieter? There is no need to scream." She laughs coolly and states, "I am talking at a completely normal pitch. You are just suffering from the aftereffects of too much alcohol." I realize that she is right. I am just hung-over and therefore, moody.

"Sorry," I mumble, "Will you please tell me what happened last night?"

"Well, you decided to drink half the bottle of Whisky within 5 minutes. Then you got really quiet and brooding. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you are attempting to stand, but you keep falling. I helped you up and you walked to the cave walls. You found the crescent eye marking and traced it with your fingers. Then you kissed it a few times. When you were bored you returned to my side and fell down. You started crying. Then you started talking about the first time we drank in the caves and how you kissed me and ate an apple." At this point Gemma pauses, and looks around warily. "Then we carried you back to Spence. You vomited three times."

I wonder if she is editing anything for my own sake. "Gemma, did I do anything to…um…embarrass myself?" She catches my drift and shakes her head no. "Ok, good. So what happened after that?"

"Oh nothing too extraordinary. I took you back to your room and cleaned to vomit out of your hair. Then I tucked you in like a child and waited till you fell asleep."

"Did I talk while laying there?"

"Yes. You kept mumbling about going to the realms and being with Pip forever. Eventually, you fell asleep. And I returned to my room and did the same."

Between the aftereffects of last night and Gemma's story, I feel absolutely miserable. I smell awful. My cloak needs some serious cleaning. I spend the rest of my day in the laundry room cleaning my stuff and vomiting. By the time night falls, I am ready for sleep. Unfortunately, Mrs. Nightwing calls Ann, Gemma, and I to her office for a meeting first.

**Gemma**

During social hour Felicity, Ann, and I are invited up to Mrs. Nightwing's office for refreshments and a talk. Nothing has changed in the office at all. Last time the three of us were sitting on this side of Nightwing's desk was when we got Miss. Moore into trouble. Even so, my relationship with Nightwing has changed since those days so I am not worried.

On the desk sits a dish filled with pastries and a tea set. Before long we are all settled. Fee, who hasn't eaten at all today, scarves down her first pastry in record time. No one chides her for this behavior.

"So I have asked you all up here today to discuss the realms." Nightwing begins without even a flinch. We are all eager to hear the news and Nightwing's dramatic pause instills frenzied thoughts into my head. "It seems as if you all left the state of the realms unfinished," She continues, "With a promise to one day return and write up a constitution. Well that has not been done yet. I worry that the tribes are becoming antsy. I have spoken to Fowlson, and he feels the same. We agree that it is time for you to re-enter the realms. It is time the three of you take control of the situation and finish what you started."

We are all dumbfounded. My head is filled with fantasies of the realms and its grandeur. I wonder what going back will bring. Suddenly, I cannot wait to return. I have my friends with me so what is stopping me? I miss my otherworldly friends like Gorgon and Asha. I want to go to the tree and listen to my name in the wind. I long to play in the garden. Why am I just now realizing how much I have missed the place?

"We will return tonight!" I practically shout. I am overjoyed with this sensation. For the first time in a long time I am giddy. Midnight couldn't come sooner.

It is 11 o' clock and the three of us assemble in my room. Felicity taps her fingers lightly on the wooden desk while Ann absent mindedly twirls her hair. We are all on tight end. Time is moving all to slow. The waiting is driving us mad.

"Gemma, what are we waiting for? Can't we just go back now?" I want to succumb to Felicity's request, but something keeps tugging at me. What if I can't summon the door of light? What if because it has been so long, the magic faded? I do not know what I will do if I have lost my power for good. I am almost afraid to try. Ann chides in, "What is one more hour going to do?" I know the answer. Nothing. They are right, we better just try now before we all go insane.

"Alright, come here. Take my hands." I have never seen a human move so fast. They are already sitting on my bed before the sentence is completely out of my mouth. I do not know how I could ever not want to return. Looking at the glowing faces of my two dearest friends makes me understand why the realms are so magical. Their smiles remind me of all the good times we had. I pray with all my might that I can summon the door.

We all close our eyes and focus. At first there is nothing, but after a few seconds I feel that familiar tingle. It starts in my fingers and soon my whole body falls under its spell. When I open my eyes, the door of light is there in front of us. I did it! I actually got us back in! And best of all, Felicity and Ann look the happiest I have seen them in a very long time.

**Felicity**

My eyes flutter open and there it is. The door of light stands in front of me, just out of reach. I close my eyes and re-open them in case I am dreaming. It is still there. I glance over to Gemma on my left and Ann on my right to see smiles that mirror each other. I cannot resist. I must go in.

"What's the hold up? Let's go!" I exclaim. Gemma steps forward and her amulet glows. The door gives way. Gemma leads us in, one at a time--Gemma, Ann, and then me.

We are in the garden. It looks as it did the first day I saw it, minus the shattered Runes in the distance. We are all a little awestruck with the beauty we almost forgot. I cannot imagine a life without this place. It's too wonderful to give up forever. I smell a familiar scent that sends my head spinning. Pippa's hair, a mix of lavender and violets, seeps into my nose, intoxicating me in a more powerful drunkenness than any type of alcohol could do. It is a smell I have missed but never forgotten.

Gemma is already exploring the grounds. Ann is singing. And I am just admiring the view. Suddenly Gemma pivots towards me with a bright smile. She bends towards the ground and picks a handful of grass. Before my eyes it turns to rubies. The magic! We can still use it!

For who knows how long, Gemma, Ann, and I make use of the magic. We play with it until we are all laughed out. I have not been this carefree for years now. All the stress of the real world dissipates as we giggle like a group of school girls. My headache is even gone. Eventually though, I can feel the sadness creeping back in. It is in a moment when Ann tells us to make what we want most. Ann creates a mirror image of the Royal family, and then sings to them. After her song, they dub her a Duchess. The corners of her lips reach all the way to her eyebrows.

Then it is Gemma's turn. She laughs and tells me to go while she thinks about it. As soon as I imagine what I want most, I wish I never had. Pippa floods my mind, drowning it out with all the memories and dreams we had together. I want her more than anything: more than revenge on my mother, more than exposing my father, more than eliminating prejudice, and more than the magic in itself. I would give it all for her to come back.

Without a word, I wander off mumbling something about this game being too dull. I walk towards the forest on the worn down path. I know this place too well. Finally, at a fork in the path, I veer straight ahead into the underbrush. Suddenly I realize where my subconscious is taking me. It leads me past three fallen trees and two small creeks. Finally, I see the circle of trees that marks my destination.

Steeping through the barrier of trees causes chills to run up my spine. It has been so long since the last time I was here. I am not surprised to see that the flowers are still in bloom-an assortment of roses, daisies, tulips, and sunflowers. In the center of it all is a small clearing of the flowers to sit. The memories leave me on the ground gasping for air. It is our spot. We spent countless hours here. I remember the first time I brought her here. That memory sticks out the most. Before long I feel myself wondering if it would hurt less had I chosen to never tell her of my affection. It hurts too bad. I am crying. My knees crumple and soon I am lying face down towards the cool earth. Each tear that falls sprouts a four leaf clover. Even the ground knows that I will need a miracle to ever feel better.

**Gemma**

It has been a while since Fee left and I am getting a little worried.

"Ann, should we go find her?" She responds with a simple nod. "Well I saw her head into the woods." We stride down the path quickly, worry staining our faces. Soon we reach a fork in the road.

"What now?" Ann asks. "How about you go left, and I will go right. If you cannot find her in about ten minutes, return. I will do the same."

The path becomes bumpier as I head deeper into the woods. With each steps I am more frantic. I fret consistently. And then, right as I am about to turn back, I hear a faint sound. It sounds like laughter. I cannot really imagine Fee laughing, but I follow the noise anyway. I even call her name a few times to see if it is really her. As I draw near, I realize the noise isn't laughing, it is crying. I call her name a few more times. All goes quite.

Out of nowhere the thick brush of weeds, bushes, and trees turns into a small line of tall trees. They appear to be arranged in a circle. I hear breathing from inside. Worry takes control and I am running towards the opening I see. I fly through all the branches and only slow down when I realize I am completely surrounded by flowers. It is breathtaking. Felicity sits in the center. Her eyes are red and puffy, but she seems to have control of herself.

"Fee, we have been worried sick" I tease. She does not smile. I decide to change the subject. "What is this place?" Curiosity stings my voice. For the first time she makes eye contact. "Mind your own business Gemma." The coldness in her voice stings. I am obviously unwanted here.

"Fine. Well I am going back to meet Ann. Then we were thinking about actually getting some work done here. We plan to go find Gorgon and the others. Are you planning on joining us?" Felicity seems to debate it in her head, but finally gives in. She stands slowly and begins to walk back in a different direction than I arrived from. At first I am confused, but soon I realize that she knows a shortcut.

Felicity has put herself completely back together by the time we reach Ann. After a short quarrel, we begin the walk down the river in hopes of finding a boat. Sure enough, after a short walk, the boat that Gorgon used to be trapped in appears floating towards land. We stop it and jump in.

Soon we are heading down stream towards the forest and Caves of Sighs. The golden waterfall sprinkles us with a sparkling coat. The Caves of Sighs comes into view. I no longer blush at the sensual women carved into the rocks.

"Let's get out here and go talk to Asha. I want to know what has been happening around these parts."

Soon the three of us are climbing the steps to the Hajin hideaway. Asha is waiting as soon as we enter.

"Lady Hope, we have missed you." She nods at Ann and Felicity showing the utmost respect.

"Hello Asha. I have missed you as well. Sorry it has been so long. What has been going on here?"

"The Realms have entered a stage of peace it seems. The Winterland creatures are satisfied with sharing the power. Everyone has been working cohesively to restore the Realms to their former beauty."

The news is great. I feel a little pride in my own smart thinking. "Well that is great. It is nice to come here and have no real work to do."

Asha cuts me off urgently. "There is still much work to be done. A constitution must be written at once. Peace can only last so long without rules to stabilize it. I would prefer that the three of you meet with the creatures and write up some laws."

For once I wish my work here could be done. I do not feel like being responsible. Asha is right, but I want to just have a good time for a while. I change the subject, "How is Gorgon? And the Centaurs? And all the others?"

"They are good. Gorgon has been busy surveying the creatures awaiting your return. She wants you to be as informed as possible when writing the laws."

Felicity chimes, "And how are these rules going to work? Will there be a leader?" Her eyes sparkle at the thought.

"That is up to you. But, I suggest you choose one wisely. "

"Why?" Ann asks.

"Because you do not want to make the wrong decisions. A lot of the creatures are still hesitant to the Order. Peace is the number one priority."

"I couldn't agree more. Thank you Asha. We will begin as soon as we can. But now, we must be getting back to our world. I will discuss this all with the others next time."

"Goodbye Lady Hope. Return as soon as you can."

We leave the realms in a state of sadness. None of us really want to leave, but we know we must. By the time I am back in my room, I want nothing more than to sleep. It comes before I am completely in bed.

**Again: PLEASE review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Felicity**

_Let me lay beside you, Darling  
Let me be your man  
And let our bodies intertwine  
But always understand  
That everything, everything ends_

_Meet me on the Equinox, Death Cab for Cutie_

The movement catches me off guard. I thought It was done for the night, but evidently, It wants more. I cannot allow It to see me like this, all tear soaked and pathetic. I wipe my eyes and sit up. It strolls to my bedside like a Sunday walk in the park and rustles my sheets as Its weight is on me. Its cold hand pushes my body down as Its body folds over me. I am now big enough to lie under Its weight. I do not know which is worse, top or bottom. Its hand slides down my chest to my waist where it stops. The fingers trail small circles on the delicate skin. The lips are on my neck. Biting and nibbling. I lay there and breathe. On the outside I am cool and collected. On the inside I am screaming with all my might. I do not want to be here. I cannot re-live this night again.

Suddenly the magic has a hold of me. I am flying over the Realms and searching for that face. She is there, in the Garden. She is alone. I touch ground and walk to her. She smiles brightly when she notices. Her arms wrap around my neck and I respond by entwining mine around her perfect waist. The feeling of her body against mine sends a thrill of desire through my core. Suddenly Ann and Gemma are here. I cannot deal with them now. I want to be alone with Pip. We hurry away to the forest nearby.

Suddenly I remember the small meadow that I came across with the huntress once during my lessons. I want to take Pip there. She follows without questioning my motives. She trusts me without any doubts. This thought stirs my stomach.

Pip's face lights up when she takes in the trees formed in a perfect circle around the bed of flowers. She beams at the pure beauty of the place. I pull her gently by her hand to the center where I create a blanket for us to lay on. She follows my lead.

"How did you find this place?" She asks full of curiosity.

"I came across it hunting one day. I have wanted to show you it since. I thought you might like it."

"Like it? I love it! It is like heaven. It is prettier than anything I have ever seen."

Now is not the time to hold back. "I have seen something more beautiful." Her eyes meet mine and I have to take a deep breath to keep myself from kissing her. "This place does not even compare to your beauty."

Pip bites her lip as a blush covers her face turning it the most enticing color. She does not know what to think of my comment and that makes me nervous. Just when I am about to back track, she utters, "I wish it could be like this always. Just me and you. It is so easy to be with you when there are no distractions."

I am confused. Does she want to be alone with me for the reasons I want to be alone with her? Or does she want friendship? I cannot take the chance of their being a misunderstanding. If I am going to commit to these feelings, she must know what I want.

"Pip I need you to hear me out. I know this is going to sound strange and wrong, but please agree to listen." She nods. "We have been friends for a long time now and that has always been enough for me. But when I thought I had lost you for good, I realized exactly how much I want you in my life. Now I have you back and I cannot jeopardize this again." Her eyes have not left my face. I inhale deeply sparing me a moment to think. "Recently my feelings for you have changed. I still am your best friend and I still want to be around you, but it is a different type of wanting." She does not understand. "Pip, do you remember when I told you about the Saphists?" She only nods once. "Well I have a lot in common with them… I want you."

Her eyes are still glued to me, but she clears her throat and inquires, "Like a man wants a woman?" She seems reluctant to here my response. The bile rises in my throat. I consider lying or making it all go away. I cannot back down now though.

"Yes." It is the one word that can set me free or doom me. She exhales in a whoosh and looks…_relieved_. Her silence is killing me. But she only penetrates me with her violet eyes. Finally, after too long of a wait, she opens her mouth.

"I do not know if I want you that way." My heart is on fire. "But, I am willing to try because you are my best friend." The words are like a huge weight being lifted. I want to fly. I am crying tears of joy. Pippa brushes them off quickly and laughs. Her laugh fills my ears like the perfect drug. I need to kiss her, but first I have to make sure of something.

"Pip, we cannot tell people about this. Is that ok?" If I thought she was relieved before, she was beyond alleviated now. And with that I slowly lean forward. My left hand catches her cheek in its palm while my right winds around her neck. Our lips meet for the slightest of seconds and I pull back worried. Pippa responds by closing the distance between us again. My lips lead the kiss. It is perfect. It is better than any magic I have ever felt. Her taste and smell lure me in. I want more.

The sunlight gleams through my window as I awake. Every part of me wants to go back to that dream. If only I could.

**Should I even keep going? I wont post any more until I get some reviews. So please.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Felicity**

May 6, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_This war ain't over, hell, it ain't over 'til I choose  
Think up your weapon, you'd best prepare yourself to lose  
I am in control, no one's gonna take me, no one's gonna break me  
Vengeance is my goal and then I'm gonna have it, break you like a habit  
When I start to run, crawl back to your hole_

_I Will Win, Twisted Sister_

A slight knock jars me from my thoughts. I wipe away the tears in a rush as I allow my guest to enter. Gemma opens the door hesitantly and steps in. Hoping that she doesn't notice my puffy eyes is too much to ask from God. Her eyes widen when she notices, but then shrink back to regularity. She scans the room out of politeness before turning back to me. I have completely recovered by the time she says, "I thought maybe today it would be fun to take the older girls out and chat. Maybe you could even teach them some archery."

I haven't used my gift in a long while and I fear I cannot do it anymore. I cannot embarrass myself in front of all these girls. After debating with myself briefly, I decide, "I do not want to be around the girls today. Some other time I will teach them. Today I would like to relax."

Gemma looks concerned. I must be frightening her with my constant mood swings. It is her problem if she cannot understand my reluctance.

"Felicity, I know you probably don't want to talk about this, but I need to know what is wrong. You spend the majority of your time moping and crying. Now, you have never been one to pity those in pain so I refuse to show you that courtesy. If you do not tell me why you are so depressed, I will no longer even care. You can trust me."

Her words are like hornets. The sting, but my heart will not be soothed with ease. "I appreciate your concern; believe me, I do. But, I cannot talk to you about this."

"Why?"

"It is none of your business."

"I am your friend. It is my business."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I care about you!"

"Well don't!"

The words escape my mouth. They cannot be taken back. Gemma looks at me, the pain seeping through her eyes like an open book. I open my mouth to apologize as she turns on her heel and leaves me alone. For the first time since coming back, I feel utterly alone in the world.

**Gemma**

I am in no mood to deal with Felicity. I storm past the rooms of the east wing and down the stairs. There are a few girls scattered in the great hall. I need to be alone. The library seems like the perfect place. I push on the library door with all my strength because I need to feel strong. It flies open and hits the wall with an enormous bang. A movement catches me off guard.

Sitting in a chair nearby is a woman I have not seen before. She looks at me like I have lost my mind. Maybe I have. She is too old to be a student here. The heat in my cheeks is cooling slowly as we both scrutinize each other.

She appears to be close to my age. Her brown hair is done in a messy bun that looks as if it will come completely undone any minute. Her matching brown eyes are a warm honey flavor that seems so deep and endless. Everything about this woman is beautiful: her hair, her eyes, her round mouth, her skin that is a little darker than most English girls.

"I am afraid that you have nearly cost me my life." Her words are meaningless as I focus on the accent in them. She is American. She continues, "Next time you try to kill me, I suggest you use a knife or a club or something." She is smiling now, expecting a reply.

"I am terribly sorry about that. I um…thought I was alone." She raises one eyebrow at me as if saying, _"And when you are alone this is how you behav_e?" Instead she stands up and walks right past me.

"Where are you going?"

"I thought you preferred to be alone. Who am I to take that from you?"

"I don't actually need to be alone. I am just a little frustrated is all."

"Well, in that case I should probably introduce myself. I am Adalaa Carmichael."

"Gemma Doyle."

"Well it is nice to meet you."

There is an awkward pause as we both just stand there. She moves back to her seat and gestures for me to sit in the chair across from it. I do.

"So…are you American?" I ask to make small talk.

"That I am. I was born and raised in New York. Have you ever been?"

"Actually I have been living in New York City for the past few years."

"Oh wow. What a small world. And I am sure you are more than curious what I am doing here, at Spence."

"The thought had crossed my mind."

"My mother was a student here. She recently passed away and I thought I should tell Mrs. Nightwing. When Mrs. Nightwing heard the news, she immediately asked that I come see her. She wanted to meet me."

"That sounds like Nightwing."

"So Miss. Doyle, what brings you here?"

"I am one of Spence's former students as well. Nightwing planned a little reunion ball for my class. We are all here at the moment."

She seems pleased that there will be other people her age around. "How old are you?" She asks.

"I am 23. And there are 5 others around the same age in case you were wondering."

"I am glad to hear there will be others around to converse with. Based on what I learned last night, Nightwing is exceedingly boring." We laugh. For some reason Miss. Carmichael reminds me of someone, I just cannot place it.

"And how old are you Miss. Carmichael?"

"Twenty-five as of last month."

We continue to talk until the bell rings for breakfast. I ask if she wants to sit with Felicity, Ann, and I, and she agrees. Soon we are all standing by our tables waiting for Nightwing to stop talking. Ann looks at Miss. Carmichael with interest and awe. Felicity peers at me with disgust.

**Felicity**

In front of me stands Gemma. On her side is some girl who seems to think she is part of this group. There is no denying that she is beautiful, but I cannot see past the way she holds her chin high and looks at me undaunted. She stands firm in my spot. I am always next to Gemma.

Nightwing finally gives the go ahead to eat, but my appetite has vanished. We all sit.

"Felicity, Ann, I would like to introduce you to Miss. Adalae Carmichael."

Ann eagerly introduces herself. I sit there.

I expect Gemma to be upset and scold me. Instead she turns to the new girl and states, "That is Felicity Worthington. She is irrelevant."

This makes me exceedingly angry. Irrelevant? I am not irrelevant. I can feel my eyes focusing in on Gemma and the anger rising. "Excuse me. I am not irrelevant. In fact, I am the most relevant person here! Gemma seems to have forgotten her place. Let me inform you Miss. Adalae. I am the leader of this group. There is no group without me. I have the final say in who is allowed to sit at our table. I have the final say in everything. I know you probably think you have made a great friend in Gemma, but she is just toying with you. You see, we got into an argument this morning. She is looking for a way to make me feel bad about what I said. Unfortunately, she does not know that parading some new girl around will not cause any change in my feelings."

The whole room is silent. My outburst stunned everyone. I immediately expect Nightwing to intervene. Instead, Adalae speaks up. "I am sorry to hear that your massive ego has blinded you to reality, Felicity. Oh, you don't mind if I call you Felicity, right?" She does not wait for a response. "It seems that Gemma has made a new friend, and you are jealous. Instead of admitting that you were wrong, you decided to embarrass yourself in front of all these people. I suggest you take a walk and cool off. Maybe it is time you realize that Gemma is a big girl and she makes decisions by herself. Oh, and one more thing. You are not as amazing as you think you are."

For the first time in my life I am stunned speechless. No one has ever stood up to me that way, not even Gemma. I feel a twinge of respect for this new girl, but it is immediately overcome by anger. She has insulted me, and that is not alright. I give her the coldest stare I have ever mustered. Instead of shrinking back like most, she returns with a look that could burn holes through my body. We are both standing, bent towards each other. I have the urge to hit her. My hands balls in and out of a fist as I attempt to relax.

The sound of a throat clearing pulls me from my trance. Mrs. Nightwing is up and tugging my arm. Soon I am ushered from the room and into a small sitting room nearby. Nightwing looks at me like she used to when I was just a child.

"Well Felicity, what do you have to say for yourself?"

No response.

"You not only embarrassed yourself in front of my whole school, but you insulted a dear friend of mine's child. It is unacceptable. I know you are not under my jurisdiction any more, but I still have the power and authority to kick you out. If there is another event like this, I am going to ask you to leave. Understood?"

I nod once. She leaves me to myself. Slowly I start to relax some, but I am still overly angry. I make a mental note to hate this Adalae forever.

A small knock pulls me from my bitter thoughts. "Go away!" I shout. The door opens anyway. Ann, looking a little unsure, walks in. For a few seconds she stands there looking as if some heated debate is taking place in her mind.

"What is it Ann? Have you come to scold me as well?"

She shakes her head no, but still is quiet. "Well what is it then? I haven't got all bloody day."

"I…I…was just going to say that I think you are a nasty person for treating Miss. Carmichael like that." Ann anxiously awaits my reply. I am sure she is expecting me to yell or scream or fight her. The last thing she expected to get was laughter. Yes, I am laughing. And I am not just chuckling. I am all out hooting at her words in the most unladylike fashion.

"You…you think I'm nasty?" The words barely escape between the snorts.

"I do not appreciate you laughing at me one bit. Yes. I think you are acting very childish right now. Stop laughing at once!" I cannot and will not. If anything I become louder. "Bloody hell Felicity! You are behaving like a child! Shut the hell up!"

My laughter is halted. The air catches in my throat. Did Ann really just say that? I am stunned.

"I mean, that sounded bad. I'm terribly sorry Felicity. That was rude. Forgive me please." There we go. That is more like the Ann I know.

"Leave my presence Ann. I have no desire to speak with you." She turns her back and leaves, her nose pointed to the ground.

**Gemma**

Adalae and I are sitting on the lawn outside chatting when Ann approaches. She looks as if she has seen a ghost. "Ann what is wrong? You're pale." I exclaim. She just flops down next to me and stares towards the road.

"Ann?"

"I am fine. It is Felicity you should be worried about."

I do not really care about Fee at the moment, but Ann is scaring me. "What now? She sulking by herself?"

"Something like that. I have never seen her act that way though. She laughed at me when I insulted her."

Ann is right. Felicity never takes insults lightly. She must be more upset than I had imagined. I am still too angry to care. She refuses to trust me with her problems. How are we supposed to be friends if she won't open up? Thinking about this gives me a headache.

"Maybe I should go talk to her," Adalae suggests. I am not sure if that is such a good idea, but she is already standing and brushing off her skirts.

"Uh Adalae, I don't think that is a good idea. I have known Felicity for years now and she is not one to be talked to when she's angry."

Ann cuts in, "She is mostly relaxed. I wouldn't even say she is angry anymore. She just looks sadder."

"Well good. I will be back ladies. If I don't return in 15 minutes, come after me. Who knows what an Admiral's daughter is capable of."

And with that she is gone. This is a bad idea.

**Felicity**

Just as I am standing to leave, a strong knock on the door sets my emotions back into a whirl. I just got myself under control, and now someone is likely to come in and anger me once more. I decide not to respond in hopes that who ever it is leaves. The knocks continue. Not only do they become more urgent, they increase in sound as well. Finally I cannot take it so I tell my visitor to enter.

The last person I am expecting to see at my door is Adalae, but it is her face that greets me. She looks confidant, like she has me trapped. She is here to test me. This time I will keep myself under control. She cannot win again.

"Hello," I curtly say.

"Wow. I am not going to lie. I am a little shocked that you are not already yelling at me."

"The day is young." Her laugh is a surprise. I never would have thought that someone with such hideous intentions could have such a soft care-free laugh. The sound rings in my ears, and almost makes me forget my anger.

"Well anyway I decided to formally introduce myself. My name is Adalae Carmichael and I am from New York and I am here to visit Mrs. Nightwing who once knew my mother. How do you do?"

Her voice is sugar-coated. She is either really genuine or is an amazing actress. I would rather go with the latter. "I know your name. And I do fine when I am not bothered."

Her smile falls and her eyes ignite. I must remember to stay calm. She replies, "Well so much for small talk. We both know that I am not here to make nice with you. I guess I should cut right to the chase." Now I am interested. She continues, "I intend to make friends here, and you seem to be in my way of that. I wanted to play nice and share Gemma's friendship, but you freaked out on me. I understand you not wanting to give up Gemma, she seems to be a really great friend, but you are playing with fire right now. I will win. She will choose my friendship over yours."

She underestimates my abilities. "I find it pretty amusing that you think you can steal Gemma from me. We have been friends for years now, and she deeply cares for me. She would never blow me off for some American trash. Oh, and I like to play with fire. I promise you this, if you toy with me, I will extinguish any chance you have at survival in this bloody country. I can and will bring you down."

I expect her to step down, but once again she surprises me. "Not if I burn you first. Better get your ammunition, the war has begun." Her smirk is too confident, too eerie. She wants a fight; I will give her a fight. I push past her at once and out the door. I must speak with Gemma straightaway

I find Gemma and Ann on the lawn. They are surprised to see me approaching. Gemma turns her back to me as I near.

"Gemma, I must speak with you straightaway." She doesn't budge. "Gemma, it is important." She won't give in. "Please Gemma. I am sorry for acting the way I did. I was wrong and I apologize." I never _ever_ beg, but I know I must. Adalae will win if I cannot repair my relationship with Gemma soon. She turns, curiosity painting her face.

I glance to my left and notice Ann is still standing there listening with full attention. Her eyes find mine and she realizes she is not wanted. For a quick moment I wonder how many times Ann has been on the receiving end of the look. The thought is gone as quickly as it came. She saunters off without a second glance.

"Alright Fee, lets here it."

"I should not push you away all the time. I am sorry."

"Does that mean you are going to tell me?"

I sit down, slowly, to kill some time while I think. I do not know how to word this. "Gemma, I…I am not so great at opening up. You know that as well as I do. I…I mean I never even completely told Pip everything. There are certain aspects of my life I feel should stay in my head."

"But why can't you trust me? You know I won't tell anyone. You do know that, right?"

"I do. It isn't that easy though. I cannot bear to be that vulnerable around anyone."

"Not even me?"

She is hurt. I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her words. Something about this makes me sad. I no longer even care about my battle with Adalae. A part of me wants so badly for Gemma to know and understand. But there is another part that is fighting for dominance and that part tells me to hold it in because she would never understand. I am stuck.

"Felicity, I promise I will never do anything to betray you. You are my best friend. Do you even know how many nights I woke up sad and in need of a friend in the last seven years? A lot. I have you now. I do not want to lose you when I am just getting you back."

"But why do I have to tell you everything to be your friend? Why can't you let it go?"

"Because you are important to me. And because every time I see you in pain, I feel it too. I want you to be happy, and I think I can help."

She wants to help me. The decision is made. Once I start I know I cannot turn back, but I feel like the point of no return has already been breached. She said the words to persuade me. Now I just have to leap.

Gemma must know that I am about to open up because she rests her hand on mine reassuringly. I struggle to find the words to begin.

"What exactly do you want to know?"

"What you dreamt about the other night when you came to my room."

"There are only two people I dream about. For as long as I remember I have had dreams about my father. But lately, he only haunts me briefly before Pippa takes over. Spence has caused Pip to appear in my dreams. They are dark and vivid and scary. Worst of all, they are replays of all that happened."

"What do you mean?"

"Each night I have to re-live the times we had together. The dreams are so real too. When I wake up it hurts. I can still feel and smell her on my skin."

"Alright. Should I be worried about these dreams?"

"No. They are just dreams. But, I want…no, I need you to understand that I cannot be alone after having them. It hurts too badly. It is like my insides are on fire—my life slowly blazing away into nothingness."

"I know it is hard to believe, but I know the feeling. Sometimes I still wake up with a hole in my heart where Kartik should be. It is excruciating. Explain to me the small clearing in the realms. Were you crying over the nightmares?"

I do not know how to answer this. I was crying over a lot of things. "Somewhat yes. I started crying when I found the place because it was a sort of hideaway for Pip and me. We…um…explored our feelings there more than once." I expect Gemma to flinch or scowl, but she seems perfectly clam and controlled. I continue boldly, "But once I started to remember, all of the memories materialized. It was just too much at once. Before long I was crying just to cry really. Have you ever done that?"

"Yes. Yes, I have."

I am suddenly cold outside. The air is too thick and cool. I want to go inside. I crave a fireplace and company other than Gemma and her questions.

"Is that all?" I ask.

"One more thing. Do you think we will ever be able to find love again?"

This question startles me. I know for a fact that Gemma will. Mr. Carter is waiting back home for her. I am not so sure about myself. "I honestly believe you will find love Gemma. I know it. I, on the other hand, will probably not be so lucky. Pippa was my one and only."

Gemma has nothing to say to this. With no further conversation, we stand and walk towards Spence. I feel the urge to turn and run—to be alone for a while, but I know better. Gemma will aid me in this pain. Gemma is the best friend a girl could have.

**Some more reviews would be spectacular :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**I hope you are all still reading. If you are, please review.**

**Gemma**

_You and me are the same  
We don't know or care who's to blame  
But we know that whoever holds the reigns  
Nothing will change  
Our cause has gone insane_

_United States of Eurasia/Collateral Damage, Muse_

Felicity is in a much better mood after we talk. We spend the rest of our morning and most of our day teaching the youngest class of girls how to dance a waltz. I am shocked to see that Fee exhibits patience and kindness towards these children. I wonder to myself if she has grown up some since our days here, or if she is just trying to impress me to end our feud. For her sake, I hope she has matured.

After dinner the three of us are requested in Nightwing's office again. We enter and settle ourselves. The clock ticks awkwardly in the distance. We all just sit and allow our eyes to dart back and forth from each others faces. Finally, Mrs. Nightwing clears her throat and begins.

"I presume you visited the realms last night?"

I answer politely. "Yes, we did. It went better than I thought it would to be honest."

"Will you be creating a set of laws to govern in the near future?"

"We will as soon as possible. But first we want to meet up with all those who helped fight. We plan to come to an agreement and then right a constitution up together." I have not discussed these plans with Ann or Fee yet. They both look a little stunned.

"That sounds great." There is another awkward pause. _Tick. Tock. Tick. Tick. Tock. _The seconds go by. "Ladies I have a…story of sorts to tell you. I am not sure how you will react to it, but I must tell it at once."

We all sit quiet as mice. I am twiddling my thumbs in anticipation. Nightwing clears her throat again before the words can flow. "Adalae Carmichael's mother was Elizabeth Ashby. She was a student here when Sarah and Mary attended." The mention of my mother causes air to catch in my throat. Nightwing continues, "She was in the class before Mary and Sarah so she knew of the realms. She had the power in her, but when Mrs. Spence closed the realms, her power diminished. Before she passed away she taught Adalae everything she knows. Because the realms were still closed when Adalae's power nurtured, it died before she had the chance to use it."

I can tell where this conversation is going. Miss. Nightwing wants us to bring her into the realms. I am not completely opposed to the idea, but I am sure Fee is. Sure enough Fee interrupts Nightwing and exclaims, "You don't need to finish. You are going to ask if we don't mind taking Adalae along with us. And I am going to say that I do mind. And then Gemma will speak for the group and say it is alright for her to come. Gemma and I will fight about it for a bit while Ann makes small talk with you. In the end I will lose the argument because Gemma always gets what she wants. Yeah, we get it."

Felicity's outburst has had no effect on Nightwing. She smiles and says, "Alright, I guess it is settled then. She will meet you by the doors at midnight. You are excused."

I nod towards Nightwing politely and exit followed by the other two, Ann is giddy with excitement knowing that someone new is going to come along. Felicity is silently fuming. To be completely fair though, Fee is handling it a lot better than I thought she would. I can tell she is really trying to behave.

It is 11:30 and I am already dressed and ready to go. It is too early to head downstairs. I find comfort in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Finally I hear a slight knock on my door. When I open it Fee is waiting. She sends me a small forced smile and I return a genuine one. I am rather excited to see what the night will bring.

We arrive at the main doors two minutes before midnight to find Ann already waiting. Adalae is not there at midnight.

"Well she is a no show. Let's go" Fee chimes. I shake my head no and ask to wait for five minutes. Fee is not pleased but she agrees.

Adalae is still not here at five after. I know I told Fee we would leave in five minutes, but I do not want to. I ask for five more minutes and Fee sighs dramatically, but agrees.

No Adalae after ten minutes. We turn to go outside just as we hear slight footsteps on the stairs. I turn to see her descending. In the eerie glow of the moon Adalae looks like a countess or a duchess.

"I am so sorry I am late. Forgive me."

I am about to pardon her when Fee cuts in. "I will excuse your tardiness once. But, do not be late again. We will leave without you."

Adalae takes a step closer to Fee and peers into her eyes. They stand only a mere inches apart, eyes intent on each other. If left alone I fear they will rip each others heads off. It is unsettling.

I clear my throat. They do not stir. I try it again. No change in their bodies. I rack my mind for the words to say. "Er…I would like to make it to the realms tonight if you don't mind." They still do not budge. "Damn your stubbornness! Felicity, step down at once! You two can kill each other once we are in the realms, but for now I would really like to actually make it there." Fee glances at me once, but then realigns her eyes to Adalae's. "Adalae, Felicity was right. We will leave you next time you are late. Now please. If you two do not stop this now, Ann and I will leave without you!"

Evidently, those were the magic words. Adalae turns from Fee and smiles at me like a mischievous child. Felicity gloats silently at her victory.

Together the four of us march into the chilly night air.

**Felicity**

I am in a great mood on account of my first victory over Adalae. As we make our way towards the caves, I wallow in my own arrogance. It feels absolutely divine to be on top. Gemma and Ann chat quietly as I follow them into the woods. Adalae quickens her pace to meet mine.

"Wipe that smile off your face. You have not won."

"Yet."

"What?"

"I have not won yet. But have faith. My complete triumph is near."

Adalae laughs at me, mocks me like I am some kind of clown. Her laugh—a beautiful sound—is not attractive when a personality so awful backs it. She is a deceiver, a demon. She has everything to draw people in—beauty, charm, and grace. It makes me sick.

The caves appear in front of us, tall and imposing. We step in hurriedly. Adalae seems ready to leap from her skin.

"Ok. So Adalae, We are all going to hold hands and concentrate on a door of light. It should not take long. Are you excited to visit the realms?"

"More excited than you could ever understand. Can we go now?" Adalae is a small child who has received her first gown.

"Yes." Gemma stretches her arms out to Ann and me. Her fingers are chilly as they wrap themselves around mine like a blanket. Adalae takes my other hand in hers. Her hand is warm and clammy, strong and certain.

We all close our eyes and focus. I feel the tingle in my fingertips as it slowly spreads through my whole core. I open my eyes and the door stands before us like an angel. Gemma opens it and enters. Withdrawing my hand, I follow Ann. Adalae is the last to trickle in. Her usually heated eyes melt to butter. Her scarlet lips turn upwards and two little dimples come out of hiding. It all takes me back to our first time here. Pip's astonished face devours my mind.

"It…it's beautiful."

There is no response to this. We all know the way Adalae feels. Ann reaches for Adalae's hand and pulls her further in. Gemma and I watch as Ann teaches her how to use the magic. Adalae giggles as she turns grass to rubies and transforms leaves to gold. Gemma peers through her eyelashes at me. I smile wide back at her.

"Do you remember our first time here?" She asks.

"How could I forget? That day changed my life."

"I wish I could relive that day over and over. I was so happy."

"We all were. But, there is no going back. We must move forward. As much as I wish I could turn back time, I cannot. And neither can you."

"I know." She pauses as we watch. "It seems we still have work to do. How would you like going down to the forest to see the centaurs? Maybe we can find Gorgon too."

"I would love that. But, Gemma?"

"Yes."

"Do you think there is any way to reverse what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think I might be able to bring Pip back?"

Her face falls and I know the answer that is coming. If I hear her say it, my heart will combust. I continue, "Never mind. Let's just go."

"Should we tell Ann and Adalae?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because Adalae may be able to come here now, but we are the ones in charge. How can we know we can trust her?"

"How can I know you aren't against the idea of her coming because you don't like her?"

"Gemma, I won't lie. My feelings for her are part of it. We do not know her yet. And frankly, I do not trust her. Ann will not mind if we go manage the boring business while they play. I promise I will take responsibility if they get upset."

Gemma just nods and says, "You better be right." I hope I am.

The river leads us straight to home of the centaurs. Before I even have both feet on the ground we are greeted by Philon and his army of centaurs. Their numbers have grown since the last time I was here. But then again, the last time I was here, the centaurs were the least of my concerns.

"Gemma. Felicity. It is so nice to see you again" Philon says warmly. Gemma says hello back and insures him that we are pleased to see him as well. The rest of the centaurs eye us with a cross between admiration and distrust. I wonder if we will ever be trusted by these creatures.

"How have things been here?"

"Quiet."

"That is good. Asha said we must write a set of rules at once; would you agree? Gemma inquires.

"Oh yes. The sooner the better." Philon's large black eyes pierce and poke at me. He is so big, and so powerful. I wish I could instill fear in others the way he does.

"We will get right to that" I promise with my most charming smile to ease him in.

"Indeed! Gemma, you mentioned Asha, have you spoken with Gorgon yet?"

"No. We have not. Do you know where to find her?" At first I did not trust Gorgon, but now I do. She proved to be very helpful in the past, even when I thought her weak. I am a little excited to know that we will have her aid once again.

"She has been living down the river a ways, in the Winterlands." I am startled at this realization. Gemma appears to be to. Her eyes look past Philon towards the dark forest. They are glazed over by a shadow of fear and shock. Philon continues, "Do not worry. All is safe there. If anything it is a better place to live. You will be surprised at how much things have changed."

"I…I am a little astounded. I am not sure I am ready to return there. Is there anyway you can plan a meeting with Asha and Gorgon tomorrow?"

"Hold on….why aren't we going to the Winterlands?" I really want to go back and touch the tree.

"Felicity, you of all people should know why not." I can guess why, but it is nonsense. Gemma will have to return eventually.

"You're going to have to go back sometime."

"_Yes._ But that day is not today." Gemma focuses her attention towards Philon. "We will be back tomorrow night. Can you arrange a meeting?"

"Of course we can," he replies baring his sharp teeth. "Until then ladies."

We say our goodbyes and climb back into the boat. We ride back in silence. Ann and Adalae look really upset when we return.

"Where were you?" Ann exclaims.

I step in to answer. "We went to go talk with the centaurs. We did not want to interrupt you when you played with the magic. I mean, I remember how awesome the magic was my first time here. I could never take that from you." I shoot Adalae a coy smile. Continuing, I say, "And of course you did not miss anything. We arranged a meeting for tomorrow."

"I still do not like that you left me," Ann pouts.

"Thank you for your considerations, _Fee._ You are too kind."

"Adalae. I am always willing to show you that particular type of kindness. It was my pleasure."

"Yeah, I bet it was." Adalae steps closer to me, her eyes peering into mine. I feel the adrenaline rising as her warm breath cloaks my face.

"Are you upset?" I taunt.

"No, not upset. I would say I am more aggravated than anything."

"Really? Now why is that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because there is a little bitch trying her hardest to alienate me."

"A bitch? Yes, I am. Alienation? No. I am going to annihilate you. And if you think I'm trying my hardest, you haven't seen even the half of it." I close the last little bit of space between us. At any second we could strike. Gemma steps between us and clears her throat. My eyes do not leave Adalae's.

"I think it best we go back now. I am awfully tired."

For once I agree with Gemma. I need to relax before I take Adalae's head off. This is not the time or place for a brawl. I take two steps back, but do not release my grip on her eyes. Gemma mouths me a silent "thank you" and grabs my hand. Adalae removes her eye contact and takes Gemma's other hand. Ann files in next to me. Soon we are all heading up the stairs to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Felicity**

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

_My Immortal, Evanescence_

The room is dark, musty. A knock at my door startles me awake. It creaks open a tiny bit and in walks It. It has followed me here, at school. I whimper and beg It to leave me alone for just one night. It bellows. Its large rough hand covers my mouth as I scream out.

"The quieter you are, the easier this will be." It's lips are on my ear, nibbling. It removes the hands and slides them to my breasts—just developed recently. "Well these are new." It chuckles. The lips are on my neck as my hands are forced into Its pants. I grab hold of the hard demon there and squeeze as hard as I can. It bellows out in pain and rolls off of me. I run.

My door leads to the realms. The bright light burns as I adjust to it. In the distance I see Pippa laughing and playing with Ann and Gemma. I run to them. Pip hugs me tight—her body pressing up against mine pleasantly. She takes my hand and leads me to our clearing in the middle of the forest.

In the center a picnic is set up for just us two. She has laid a blanket. There is no food, but we pretend otherwise.

"This is beautiful Pip. I love it." Her smile pierces my heart with its beauty. "I wish I could have had food and candles. I am sorry it is not as perfect as it should be."

"No Pip, it is more perfect than I deserve." We sit quietly watching the wind carry the leaves towards the sky where they drift down slowly—light as a feather.

"Fee, have you ever wondered what it would be like if I never ate the berries?"

Without making eye contact, I reply, "I think about that everyday."

"Do you wish I hadn't?"

"No. If you hadn't have eaten the berries you would be married to some unbelievably lucky man and we would never see each other. I would have never told you how I feel. Just the thought of that scares me. Now that we are together, I cannot imagine a world where we are not."

"Suppose I did not have to marry anyone. What if I was free to do as I please? Then would you want me to be with you there?"

"Pip, that is impossible. It does us no good to waste our thoughts on what is impossible."

"But what if? Please Fee, I need to know that you feel the same as I do."

I do wish I could have Pip in our world, but I know it is impossible, even if she had not died. I decide the best way to answer her is directly, to be vulnerable for her. "A world where I could be with you every second of everyday is ideal. But it is unrealistic. I do not care where we are, as long as we can be together."

I expected Pip to be happy, but not this happy. She leans in and kisses me. It is not soft like all of our previous ones. Her lips move quickly; I struggle to keep up with them. Her tongue slides across my bottom lip cautiously. I regain leadership in the kiss by sliding my tongue into her mouth. She is sweeter than I had imagined. For a second our tongues meet and we both pull away with force. We are out of breath. I am intoxicated with her scent and taste.

"Was that ok?" Pippa asks, genuinely concerned that she did something wrong.

"That was…amazing," I reply honestly. She still looks embarrassed so I lean back in. My lips are against her, but we are not kissing. "Pip, you are unbelievable. Do not ever apologize for kissing me like that." And with that her lips fold over mine like a blanket made of silky strawberries.

I wake up, but do not open my eyes in hopes of returning to that place. When I cannot fall back asleep, I roll over and open my eyes. It is still dark out. I wish it were morning. Pip's lips felt so real. I dart my tongue across my lower lip and taste only myself on it. It was only a dream, but I wish it weren't.

The moans escape rapidly as the tears streak my face. I cannot control them. For a second I realize that I have cried more in the past week than I have my whole life combined. I laugh suddenly, and it sounds awkward and unknown. Who laughs while they cry? I must be going insane.

My door opens slightly and Gemma peeks in. "I couldn't sleep and then I heard sobs. Are you alright?"

"No. I am falling apart and the world around is crumbling too." Gemma shuts the door behind her and crawls into my bed.

"You are not falling apart. You are just a little…confused at the time being."

"How would you know?"

"Because I am not so different."

"It is different for me."

"Why?"

"Because I am different."

"In what way? Because you prefer the love of women? Felicity, that does not make you inhuman. Just like me you lost the person you loved. Just like me you are suffering because of it."

I am speechless. Not only has Gemma hit the target as to the way I feel, but she managed to comfort me in the process. She loves me even though I am different. She does not think something is wrong with me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replies, kissing the top of my head lightly. She continues, "Would you like me to sleep hear tonight?"

For a second I want to say no, but that would be idiocy. I know I will not fall back asleep without her. "That would be greatly appreciated."

"Well in that case, good night Felicity."

"Night," I whisper, though I am not sure if I am talking to her or myself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Gemma**

May 7, 1901

Spence Academy for the Young Ladies

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white_

_Hot N Cold, Katy Perry_

My eyes flutter open to the sound of a door closing. I search the room anxiously, wondering where I am. Memories from last night frame my thoughts and it all comes back. I remember the violent sobs I could hear through the walls. I remember the way Fee slept so soundly once I was near. Suddenly I realize that Fee is not in bed.

I sit up and look out the window. It is a peaceful morning. The sky is lit by a particularly orange sun that is still low in the sky. I decide to get dressed and go find Felicity before she does something reckless. Her constant mood swings have me wondering what she is capable of.

My room is cold as I enter. I run to my suitcase and throw it open quickly. Inside I pull out one of the dresses I have not worn yet. It is my favorite due to the purple sash the wraps around my waist. It reminds me of the time Simon asked me my favorite color and looked pleased when I told him it was purple.

I dress in a rush. Suddenly I am itching to go outside. I decide to go take a walk to the lake and read. When I go to grab my copy of Pride and Prejudice I see Felicity walking towards the woods by herself. Leaving the book, I hurry out of the room in pursuit.

I gain on Fee pretty quickly. She is walking in small strides with a look I cannot decipher in her eyes. I hide behind trees as I follow so she does not notice my presence. She heads straight to the boathouse. Inside sits Little Polly. I perch outside beneath the open window so I can hear the dialogue.

"How have you been?" Felicity starts.

"Better since I came here."

"I am sorry…for everything."

There is a pause of uncertainty. I can picture Fee's eyes pleading for forgiveness. "You left me to the dogs. How am I supposed to forgive you?"

"I left you with my mother and though she is a bitch, she is hardly as bad as you profess."

"She is not the dogs I refer to. I am speaking if _him_." I realize that Polly is talking about Admiral Worthington and I predict an argument brewing.

Felicity's voice sounds huskier than usual. She is upset. "_I _did not send you to be with him."

"Nevertheless, I blame you "Polly chimes, relaxed.

"I told you I was sorry, now didn't I?"

"That is not enough! You promised to protect me!"

"And I failed!" There is a long unsteady pause. I stand up to peek in the window. Felicity is standing opposite Polly. They both look upset. It is obvious that they have the same hard exterior. Polly is smirking at Fee for her momentary weakness. Fee continues, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Polly's smirk fades into a straight line. It is the same look that Fee carries around most of the time. "I need you to explain to me when this is going to stop."

"I wish I knew."

"Do you think he will continue to be with me as I get older?"

"Most likely. Polly, I am going to tell you something I have never told anyone." She takes in a deep breath.

"What is it?" Polly asks, mistaking the moment of silence for fear.

"The night before I debuted, he came to me. I was seventeen at the time. I am pretty sure that he will continue to behave this way until you move out. When you acquire your fortune, take it and run. Do not ever return. Promise me you will not go back to him once you are an adult."

"I promise."

"Good." Polly pulls Fee into a small hug. For a second they look happy and relaxed, but at the same time they pull away and return to their strong independent selves. I run towards Spence before they can see me.

Breakfast is already being served as I enter. I take my seat next to Fee's empty chair across from Ann and Adalae. Fee strides in a few moments later with all of her charm on display. She takes a seat and smiles at all of us.

"How are you ladies this morning?"

"We are well." Ann answers for the group.

"Only well? Why aren't you splendid?"

Adalae responds this time. "Not all of us can be as dapper as you are at nine in the morning."

"Nonsense!"

"Felicity, you can cut the act. I know you too well. You are never this happy." I feel bad to rain on her parade, but her unnecessary cheeriness is getting on my nerves.

"Well alright then. I thought maybe you could appreciate a nicer version of myself, but never mind. So today I was thinking about teaching the student's archery. What do you think?"

Both Ann and I respond with strong affirmatives. Adalae, on the other hand, laughs and tells Felicity that she does not believe it possible to teach children to arch if she does not know how herself. Fee smirks and turns to me.

"I am begging that you stay far away from the lawn. Remember the last time you tried to shoot an arrow?" I blush as I remember shooting McCleethy in the hand.

"Wait, you really do know how to shoot an arrow?" Adalae questions.

"Among other things."

"Will you teach me?"

"No."

I chime in, "Fee, that is not very nice."

"I know."

"I thought you were trying to be a nicer person?"

"Well I changed my mind."

"Gemma, do not worry about me. I will manage on my own. While Felicity teaches the students, how would you and Ann like to take a walk?"

Would I rather spend an afternoon miserable, or go on a pleasant walk? "A walk would be suitable. What about you Ann?"

"Charlie is in town for a few days. He is supposed to arrive today. I think I am going to meet him with a carriage at the train station and spend my afternoon planning the wedding."

"Oh splendid! Will you introduce us?" Adalae seems incredibly excited to meet Charlie.

"Of course."

"Well it is settled then. Fee will instruct the students in archery, Ann will spend her time with Charlie, and I will take a walk with Adalae."

The rest of breakfast is silent as we eat. I wonder what my day will bring.

Adalae and I begin our walk on the road that leads off towards more forest. I personally have never traveled in this direction, so I am interested to see what I find.

"So tell me about Felicity."

I am a little taken aback by Adalae's comment. It is completely random and I have no idea why she would care. "If you are looking for information to use against her, I will not be of service. She is my best friend and I will not betray her."

She chuckles a little and replies, "I am not trying to coax you into revealing her secrets. I am just confused by her. I want to know more about her as a person."

I still do not know if she is completely trustworthy so I take my time answering her. "Well, Felicity is stubborn and impatient. She has more pride than any person should ever posses. She tends to treat people she deems as inferior poorly. She also is charming beyond belief. She can captivate a person with a single look and destroy them with yet another. I often wonder why I give her the time of day, but then I remember why. No matter how power hungry and mean-spirited she can get, she also has more passion and love than any person I know. She knows when it is important to be vulnerable and when being strong is better. So even though Felicity has lied, stolen, and hurt me, she has always come back even stronger. She also has forgiven me even when I do not deserve it. In one word Felicity is astounding. There is no one quite like her."

Adalae seems to be thinking about all I had said. I continue, "Sorry, that was a little overdone."

"No, I was just processing. Felicity sounds like a great person. Why have I not seen this side of her?"

"She is going through a tough time right now, and she feels threatened by you."

"She told you that?"

"No, I can just tell. Fee does not respond well to people who try to be part of our group without first going through her. She is kind of the unofficial leader."

"I thought you were the leader, being the one with the powers and all."

"Not exactly. In the realms I am. I make the big decisions and whatnot. But here it is different. Before I came to Spence, Felicity was the girl every other girl wanted to befriend. When I found out a secret of hers, she invited me to be her friend. From that moment on we were friends, but not without difficulty. She always wanted to be in control. And she is a natural-born leader so I never fought it. She has all the charm of a leader, but she is also far too passionate. She acts on her impulse before assessing the situation. It has lead to her downfall more than once."

"Earlier you said she is power hungry. Could that be her downfall too?"

"Yes and no. Yes, her need for power leads her into a lot of trouble, but it is not all bad. She never wants to feel trapped, and that allows her to live more carefree than most. She approaches life with an attitude that say she will not be trampled on. She does as she pleases. It is actually a very admirable trait."

"She seems so complicated. I want to understand her better."

"Well maybe you should stop starting arguments all the time."

"I do not start the arguments; she does."

"Either way, you would be better off if you could earn her trust."

"How?"

"Talk to her. Ask her about life. Just do not ask about her father, never do that."

"Why?"

"They just do not get along well," I lie smoothly.

"So what do I ask about?"

"Ask about her time here at Spence. Or maybe talking about the realms. I do not know exactly."

"When Felicity and you ran off last night, Ann told me something very interesting about Felicity."

I immediately worry about what Ann might have said. I fear the worst. "What did she say?"

"Ann said that Felicity's best friend died in the realms. And she said that they were very close."

"That is true."

"What was her name?" Adalae mumbles under her breath.

"Her name was Pippa, but that is beside the point. Do not, under any circumstances, ask about Pippa."

"Why?"

"Felicity has never really stopped mourning her death. If you mention the name, it could make things a lot worse. Promise me Adalae that you will not mention Pippa."

"I promise."

The road we walk over is hard and covered with ditches and rocks. We soon realize that it leads to more and more forest with no real interesting stops or views along the way. After a few minutes of silent strolling, we agree to turn and go back.

After a few more awkward steps I decide to start a conversation back up. "Pardon my asking, but I noticed you do not wear a ring, and I was wondering, why is there no man in your life?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"And I am prepared to give reason. So what is your story?"

"Touché. Well I have met many men in my life, but none have really wooed me. I feel that I have not met a man to love, and I will not marry if I am not in love. It really is not very complicated."

"Ah, here I was expecting some long drawn out story, and that is all I get?"

"Sorry to disappoint, but there is not much to hear. Something tells me you have quite a story though."

Thinking back on Kartik always stirs up pain and emotions I have avoided conjuring. It would be wrong to lie to Adalae. The truth it is. "I was in love once. His name was Kartik and he was the most infuriating, complicated man I have ever met. We loved each other very much. He sacrificed his life for mine in the realms. Now I have a man named Mr. Carter who also loves me greatly. I plan to marry him when I return home."

"That is marvelous! So you are engaged to be married then?"

I blush realizing that I have made it seem like he is already my betrothed. "Not yet," I reply. "But hopefully soon."

"I am sure he will."

"Thank you. So tell me more about yourself. I feel as if I know nothing about your life before you came here."

"Well my father died when I was really young. He left my mother to fend for herself. She worked all the time at a meat packing plant down the street from our house. She made sufficient funds to keep us from starving. I attended public school until I was 16. At that point I went off on my own in search of work. I found a job nursing at a local hospital. At 19 I went home to find my mother sick. We spent the last years together. I worked by day, and learned everything about the realms by night. Her dying wish was that I would find a way to see the realms for myself. That is how I ended up here."

"My mother died when I was sixteen and my father followed a few years ago. I know how it feels."

"Your mother was Mary Dowd, am I right?"

"Yes. How did you know that?"

"Mrs. Nightwing caught me up on everything."

"What all did she say?"

"She told me about Mary and Sarah, Eugenia's sacrifice, the binding of the magic, the war, Circe's redemption, your almost death, and the death of her best friend Sariah." I stand in shock. It seems as if Nightwing told her everything in such a short amount of time.

"How did she tell you all this in such a short amount of time?"

"We traded letters months before I ever came here." Her answer makes sense, but I wonder how Nightwing knew to trust her.

"Are you alright Gemma? You look as if you have just seen a ghost."

"I am fine, thank you."

We continue on silently. I have a lot to think about. Adalae knows so much of my history, and I am not entirely sure she should. I know Fee will be absolutely furious when she finds out. I think it best if I avoid the subject with both Ann and Felicity. I also cannot get my mind of Kartik. Just saying the name in my head sends a horde of bumble-bees from my head to my toes. I miss him; there is no denying it. It does not burn the way it used to—but it hurts nevertheless.

Some of the ache is dulled by thoughts of Mr. Carter. He is a truly extraordinary man, but he is only that. Kartik was the one and only for me. Mr. Carter comes in a close second place. I guess I will have to make do.

As we enter on to school grounds, an arrow comes whizzing past my head nearly killing me. I glance over and see Felicity scolding one of the younger girls. She notices it is me who was almost just impaled and runs over.

"Gemma, I am so sorry. You are not hurt are you?" Her words come out breathlessly.

"Fortunately, I am fine."

"I did not think I could find someone as terrible at archery as you."

I am not amused by this joke and Fee can tell by the condescending look I shoot her way.

"I am almost done with the students. Then we can go find Ann or do something amusing with our time."

Adalae speaks up, "I was thinking all four of us could go out on the lake."

"Or," Fee taunts, "Gemma, Ann, and I can go out on the lake while you sit by yourself."

I elbow Fee in the gut and she feigns a smile.

"Or I could drown you in the lake," Adalae fires back.

"I would like to see you try."

"Will you two stop it already? You are both acting juvenile. Felicity, I thought you wanted to be better. I am sick of you doing this. As for you Adalae, wipe that grin off your face. What happened to the conversation we just had? You said you wanted to start over with Felicity!"

They both mumble apologetically and look at their feet. "I am sorry that I had to scold you like children. I did not mean to embarrass you."

"I am fine," Felicity assures.

"You are not going to like this, but I am leaving you two alone for the day. I will go put all the bow and arrows away. Then I will find something to do with my time. _Please _do notkill one another."

And with that I leave them standing there with their jaws open.


	16. Chapter 16

**Felicity**

_Good morning day  
Sorry I'm not there  
But all my favorite friends  
Vanished in the air  
It's hard to fly when you can't even run  
Once I had the world, but now I've got no one_

_Drown, Three Days Grace_

I am standing on the main lawns of Spence watching someone I thought I could trust walking away and leaving me with the person I most hate at the moment. I am silently fuming and planning my revenge. My thoughts are interrupted by that familiar voice to my left.

"It looks like Gemma wants us to reconcile."

"It appears so," I answer coldly.

"And I am sure this task will be daunting."

"More like impossible," I mock.

"Listen, I was going to actually try to repair some of this resentment you have towards me, but now I am not. I am not some little doll you con toss around and taunt whenever you please. I know you are just bitter about...well you are just bitter."

I am infuriated. She is trying to act like she knows my life. "Bitter about what?" I ask through clinched teeth.

"Nothing. It was nothing." She seems taken aback by my change of tone. "No, tell me. If you have something to say about me, say it." She takes the bait and focuses her eyes on mine. I notice the honey tint to them just as she spits out the words she has no right to employ.

"You are bitter because the only real friend you ever had died seven years ago."

My hand stings as the sound erupts. Her cheek turns red instantly. I shake my hand out and turn my head. The tears are trying to brim over, but I will not let them fall.

When I regain control I look up to see she is holding her hand over her cheek with a look of pure astonishment. "I can't believe you just slapped me," she exclaims.

I summon all the anger I have stored up and spit out, "Do not ever mention Pippa again. You know nothing. You are nothing to me. I swear to God if you ever even mumble that name around me again, I will destroy everything about you—your reputation, your physical beauty, and the friends you have made. And after I have tortured you so, I will kill you."

Adalea looks a little stunned. But soon she starts to laugh. "I wish Gemma would have told me you would respond like that. I thought she was only half telling the truth about your sensitivity about the subject. It seems she greatly underestimated your expressions."

"Gemma told you about Pip?" I ask, visibly hurt.

"Of course. How else would I know that Pippa is the only true friend you have ever had? Gemma told me that she only puts up with you because she feels sorry for you because of your father."

I am too drained to even be mad at Adalea. Gemma, my best friend, has betrayed me. And the worst part of it all is that I trusted her. My legs buckle and I fall to the cold earth in a heap. Adalea sits down next to me.

"Please don't tell Gemma that I told you that. She asked me to keep it a secret."

"Why should I care?"

"Because I was honest with you so you would know. I did not want you to have such a deceitful friend."

"What am I supposed to do? Pretend I never heard about it?"

"You can be mad, just not about that."

"And what exactly am I supposed to be upset about?"

"I guess you could try the fact that she stuck us together."

"Why do you suddenly care about my feelings?"

"Who said I care? I more hate when people are hypocrites. I just thought you should know. Anyway, it won't hurt as bad when Gemma leaves back to America."

I contemplate what she says. I admire her ability to tell the truth, but I still do not trust her. Once again, I am alone in the world. And with no other need to stay, I stand up and leave. Adalea does not follow.

When I reach my room, I pull out my suitcase and begin to pack. I am no longer needed here.

It seems that luck is on my side. A carriage pulls up to the front doors just as I finish packing. I grab my suitcase and scoot out my door. Before descending down the stairs, I pause in front of Gemma's door. I slide a letter under it and then make my way towards the main entrance.

When I step outside I catch Ann in a kiss with Charlie. She notices my presence and pulls away quickly. A blush covers her cheeks. Charlie looks very much the same as he did last time I saw him. He looks at Ann as if she is a small piece of heaven that he has been gifted with. I smile in spite all my pain.

"Felicity, are you leaving?" Ann asks as she glances back and forth between my suitcase and my face. I nod once and step onto the ground. "Why?" She inquires. I decide it best if I choose to ignore her pleading and keep busy. I walk to the driver and tell him my destination. He loads my bags. Ann stands and watches waiting for an answer.

Finally she turns to Charlie and whispers something unintelligible in his ear. He nods once, kisses the top of her head, and leaves without a word. As soon as he is out of sight Ann focuses her attention on me. "You will not leave here 'til you give me reasoning."

I admire Ann for this. She is trying to be a good friend. "I would rather not talk about it," I reply.

"I would rather you not leave. But we don't always get what we want, now do we?"

Smiling, I answer, "No, we don't. But, that does not change the fact that I am leaving and you are not going to receive any reasoning."

"Is this about Adalea?"

"I wish."

"Well who is it about then?"

"Maybe it isn't about anybody. Maybe I just want to go home. Maybe I just need to get away from this God forsaken place!"

"Or maybe you're running." When I don't respond, Ann continues on. "Maybe you are trying to escape your problems like you always do because you are too weak to face them head on. Because that is what this is. Every time you back away from something, you are being weak. And I have a hard time understanding why you try so hard to look strong or powerful, just to back off when the going gets rough."

"Well Ann, maybe it is because I am weak. I am just like everyone else. I try to be better, to be stronger, so that I feel better. But ultimately, I am just a weak woman who has nothing. I have no family…I have no love…and I definitely do not have friends." My voice breaks on the last word.

"And where does that leave me? Or Gemma? What are we? Fruit baskets?"

"I don't need this right now. Ann, I am sorry that you don't understand. Maybe someday you will. But for now, I have to go." I climb into the carriage and signal for the driver to go.

Ann runs beside me for a minute and shouts, "At least tell me where you are heading!"

She stops running and is growing smaller with each sound of the wheels turning. I whisper into the wind, "Anywhere but here."


	17. Chapter 17

**Gemma**

_This is what I brought you this you can keep,  
This is what I brought you may forget me.  
I promise to depart just promise one thing,  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

_Prelude 12/21, Afi_

I am sitting by the fireplace in the Main Hall when Ann comes rushing in, out of breath. I stand with a start, fearing the worse. I remember leaving Adalea and Fee together and suddenly I realize that might not have been the best idea I have ever had.

"What did you do?" Ann shouts at me—cheeks reddening by the minute.

"I…I left them together hoping they could work out their problems. Why? What happened?"

Ann takes a few seconds to catch her breath. "Felicity just left. She's gone."

"Gone where?"

"I don't know; she didn't tell me. But before she left she said that she has no friends. She was really upset, and hurt. I have never seen her look that betrayed."

I cannot believe that Fee would get that upset about leaving her with Adalea. I am searching past conversations for any clues as to why she left or where she would go. It hits me like an under toe. Adalea was the last person to talk to Felicity, and I told Adalea some things that I probably should not have mentioned. What if Adalea accidentally mentioned Pip or Admiral Worthington?

"I think I know the problem," I bark as I run out the door.

I am sprinting through the woods towards the Gypsy camp. I know they will be here at this time of year. Sure enough, their camp is in its usual spot. As I enter the grounds many heads are turned. I do not see any women around and suddenly I am a little nervous.

"Hello. I am Gemma Doyle. Is there anyone amongst this group who was here about seven years ago?" I ask shakily.

A young man steps out of the group. He has dark hair and long lashes. He smiles at me crookedly. "I was here during that time."

"How old are you? I inquire, curious to see if he would even remember me.

"I am nineteen. And I remember you. You are the woman that Kartik loved. Speaking of Kartik, what ever happened to him?"

"He's dead," I state coldly. "I need your help. I was wondering if I could borrow a horse."

The crowd who has gathered around to listen laughs at me unrestrained.

"Sorry about them. I cannot allow you take a horse on your own, but I will take you wherever you need to go."

"That will have to do then. I am in a bit of a hurry; can we get going now?"

"Patience, Miss. Doyle. We will leave, but first I need to get my horse. I will be right back."

He leaves me and I fear he will not return. All of the men are looking at me like I am some kind of meat. They smile and wink. One even comes up and asks if I would like to see his pet snake. Before I can answer the young man returns. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me away from the others and into the woods. In the distance I see an all black horse grazing. I smile at the memory of the last time I rode a horse with a man. The memory reminds me of this boy's mention of Kartik.

"What is your name?" I wonder out loud.

"Ishmael."

He is still holding onto my hand. His rough thumb rubs across the top of my hand. The thick calluses remind me of Kartik. "Were you and Kartik close?"

"As close as a 12 year old can be to a grown man. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering."

He seems to ponder my response. Suddenly his eyes brighten and he smiles from ear to ear. "You want me to tell you about him, don't you?"

I smile. "If you wouldn't mind." We reach the horse and he helps me up onto it.

"I will tell you on the way. Where are we headed?"

"To the train station. I need to catch a friend there before she leaves.

"Your wish is my command, my lady."

I giggle at his flirtatiousness, but do not reply.

"Alright. I know you are waiting on me to tell you about Kartik. I remember the first time I ever saw Kartik. He showed up at our camp in the middle of the night and begged Ithal if he could stay with our group. Ithal agreed on account of his promise not to make any trouble with the young ladies of Spence. For a long time Kartik kind of kept to himself. He was never around much, and when he was, he was real quiet. Ithal always seemed to respect Kartik. I think it might have been because Kartik got him out of a bind with one of the Spence girls.

"But anyway, Kartik spent most of his time reading and playing cricket with an old broken paddle he had. One night though I woke up to the sounds of chaos outside my tent. I peeked out and saw you, your blonde friend, and your chubby friend all standing in the middle of the men."

"I remember that night."

"So do I. You kissed Kartik in front of everyone! But that is not the point. Anyway, after that night I started talking to Kartik. One day I asked him if he could teach me to read. He agreed and soon he was teaching me to read The Odyssey. I asked him about you once. He said you are the most complicated and infuriating woman he has ever met. When I asked him why he even bothers, he said because he has no choice.

Soon after that he disappeared. For a long time we had no idea where he went. But, one day he returned. He immediately began teaching me to read again. During those times, camp was really chaotic. Mother Elena was even madder than before."

"I remember that too."

"At first Kartik was very moody and depressed when he returned. One day I asked him why and he said it was because he is in love with a woman who could never love him back."

My heart wrenches as I picture Kartik saying those words. I remember his attempts at dissuading me from being around him.

"He would disappear a lot. No one really seemed to know or care where he ran off to. He was always around when we needed him. Eventually he got happier. He once told me that he was the luckiest man alive because you loved him back. I, being a naïve child, asked if he intended to marry you. He said it was a possibility.

Things got worse around camp. People were disappearing. Kartik was not sleeping well because of nightmares. At least that is what he told me. And then one night things got particularly bad. He came to me and asked me a favor. He told me that if he should never return, I was responsible for making sure you are safe. He said that if you ever come to the camp in need of help, I am the one who must do it. And so I waited for the day that would happen."

I cannot believe all the things Kartik said about me. It stings a little to remember our time together, but it is a good sting. It lets me know that I did not make him up. He was alive, and he did love me. I bury my face in Ishmael's back and cry. I have too much to think about between Felicity and Kartik.

We arrive at the train station shortly after the conversation. I hop off the horse in a hurry and run. At first I cannot see her and I worry I am too late. But soon enough I find her sitting on a bench near the back. She looks small and scared. I walk over slowly, trying to figure out what I am going to say. She sees me approaching and stands as I close the distance.

She slaps me as soon as I am in arms reach. Her hand leaves a sting that I can feel all the way to my heart. I just stand and look at her—waiting for her to yell or scream or apologize. Instead she just stands and stares.

"I am so sorry Felicity." She does not move. "I really am." She still looks at me ready to kill. "At least tell me what happened." That got her attention.

"You…you left me alone with Adalea."

"I know. But something tells me that is not why you are ready to leave town."

"Well you are wrong?"

"Am I? Or does this have something to do with something Adalea said?"

"Why would you think that? Did you tell her something she could use against me?" Fee prompts.

I consider lying, but change my mind. If Adalea accidentally said something she shouldn't have, I need to be honest with Fee about my part in it. "I did…and I feel awful about it."

"I hate you!" Felicity spits out.

Her words are trains and I am tied to the tracks. She is killing me. Water spews from my eyes as I take two steps back. Felicity's expression mirrors mine.

"I am sorry. But, I promise I did not tell her any of your secrets."

"You told her about my father and about Pip! How is that not secretive?"

"I only told her that your friend Pippa died. And that you and your father are not on the best of terms. I would never tell anyone anything more than that!" My stomach is churning. I feel dizzy.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Why should you believe her?" Fee sits down and puts her head in her hands. She looks frustrated and confused. I sit down next to her and rub my hand gently across her back. "Fee, you are my best friend. I have never told one of your secrets, why would I start now? Sometimes I look back on my life since my mother died and think about all things I wish I could change. There is only one thing I would change if I could."

I do not continue in hopes that Fee will ask me to. She does and I carry on. "I would drag Pippa out of the realms before she could eat those berries. And then I would have Kartik find the two of you a hiding place to live together forever"

"You wouldn't save Kartik?"

"Kartik was not in my power. Pippa was. I know you have never truly forgiven me for leaving her there. But it is something I have to deal with everyday. I am willing to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Fee pulls me into a hug and whispers, "It is not your fault. I am not mad at you." Her blessing sets me free. I feel as if she has just taken away most of my stress. I smile at her and ask if she is ready to go back. She nods and we call a cab.

We ride back silently, thinking about everything that has happened. Behind the carriage I can see Ishmael ridding his horse, watching over me like the man I used to know. It is a familiar feeling that I have missed.

The halls of Spence are a flurry when we reenter. Girls are prodding about every which way. Giggles escape their grinning faces and childish squeals resound. I stop a young girl named Mary and ask what all the fuss is about. She announces that Nightwing scheduled the ball for the 20th of May—less than two weeks away.

With indifference to the news, I walk Fee to her room and volunteer to help her unpack. She encourages me that she needs no assistance so I leave in search of Adalea. She has some serious explaining to do.

I find Adalea the main hall surrounded by a group of the older Spence girls. She is telling them a story about a man she met in America at a ball. They hang on her every word. Her eyes meet my mine and for the slightest bit of a second, hers widen with worry. I feel triumphant already.

"Ladies, I will finish this story later, but first I must speak with Miss. Doyle here. Will you please excuse us?"

I am not liked here by these girls for interrupting their story. They regard me coolly as they exit.

"Miss. Doyle, what a pleasure it is to see you," Adalea charms.

"I would like an explanation as to why Felicity almost left Spence today with no thoughts of returning."

"Did she? I had not heard of such a thing?"

"What did you say to her?"

"Why, I only talked about what a great time I am having here," she declares all innocent.

"Do not test me Adalea. Do you think me a fool?"

"Of course not!"

"Well then you need to stop playing games. Felicity's emotions are not some type of toy that you can abuse for your own sick sense of pleasure. She is a human girl with a lot of troubles. She feels entirely too much of every emotion."

"I am sorry to have made you upset, but it was an accident. Will you please hear my side before so quickly judging me?"

"Fine. Speak."

"Well we were arguing (but what's new) and Felicity attempted to guilt trip me into feeling sympathy for her. She talked about how things are so bad in her life. In a fit of irrational anger, I asked about Pippa and Admiral Worthington. I had no idea that she would respond in such a manner. I was wrong to even think about using those names against her, but I did. And, once again, I am terribly sorry."

"See here is the problem with your story Adalea. You do not know Felicity enough to lie about her. She never asks for pity. In fact, she resents anyone who tries to sympathize with her. Therefore, you lied. I happen to know that you seem to think you can bend and break Felicity by alienating her. You are wrong because Felicity never completely gives in. If you are not careful, she will come get you. I can promise you that. If you really want to make apologies for your actions, you can start with me. But ultimately, Felicity deserves the real apology."

Adalea is silent for a long time. I assume she is conjuring up another lie. I am extremely surprised when she looks up from the floor with tears in her eyes. Her testament is even more astonishing.

"I always do this. You see! This is why I do not have friends or anyone to love. I mean well at first, but my pride is always wounded. I came here in need of answers and friends. I found the answers, but I realized the friendships would be significantly more difficult a task. Upon observing your behaviors as a group, I realized that Felicity is the leader—the one who can choose whether I am suitable or not. This scared me because she seems so cold and foul to everyone but you and Ann. Instead of trying my hardest to impress her, I thought I could earn her respect by fighting her.

"And then, as I continually failed at this task, I thought about changing my ways. But, she is just so…so infuriating. She knows exactly what to say to make me livid. I cannot contain this anger around her. So, I cracked. She picked fun of my pride and I had to avenge it. Instead I made things worse…again."

I cannot come up with the words to say to this. I had not expected such honesty and remorse. I feel a twinge of guilt for accusing Adalea of being a wretched person. My preference for Felicity caused me to harbor prejudices fro Adalea. The shame burns in my cheeks.

"I apologize for lying to you. There is no excuse for any of my actions. Thank you for listening, but I must go find Felicity now."

She leaves me standing by myself in the Main Hall. The sun is setting behind the hills casting off an array of yellows and pinks. I smile in realization that compromise could be near.

**Felicity**

I am lying in my bed contemplating my day. It seems that I have had yet another hectic one. My life has become one chaotic mess. My body is tired and restless. As I slowly start to nod off, a small knock jars me out of slumber. I sit up and pull my covers off of me. Quickly, I fix my hair and sit in the rocking chair nearby.

"Come in."

The door opens to reveal Adalea. She has taken her hair down so it covers her neck like a silk blanket. Her eyes are shiny and puffy as if she has been crying. She could very well be a beautiful woman, if only she had not clouded her good looks with the smog of envy, hate, and arrogance.

I do not say anything to her in hopes that she will turn and leave. Instead she walks over to my bed and sits down quietly. She clears her throat three different times, but resists saying whatever it is she needs to say. I sit with a book in hand and read while she fumbles her words in her mind. Her throat clears for the fourth time and silence proceeds. After a few minor seconds, the sound comes yet again. This time I look up from my book and say, "If you are catching a cold I would rather you leave my presence. And if you have something to say to me, I would rather you say it before I grow old and die."

She smiles at me, a full radiant gleam coming off her lips and teeth. "I am sorry. I just have been trying to figure out what I am going to say to you."

I reply with a little more sarcasm than needed, "If you come to apologize, I do not want to hear it."

"But you need to hear it. I was wrong and I am so—"

"No. You have nothing to apologize for. You were right. I am bitter about Pippa." The word sticks in my throat and comes out awkwardly. I continue, "I am bitter about a lot of things in the world. I am disenchanted with my current state of affairs and I have taken out some of that on you. If anything, I should apologize."

"Something tells me you are not going to."

"No. I am not going to try to make nice with you. More than once now you have hurt me with your words and actions. It seems you are incapable of ever understanding me and that poses a serious problem." I am a little surprised at my calmness.

"If I have hurt you, then I need to ask for forgiveness. I am sorry for all the things I have done and said. I often speak without thinking. There are no excuses and I know that I cannot ever make it up to you."

"Apology accepted."

"Friends?"

"I cannot do that." Adalea looks as if I have just dropped a brick on her head.

"Carry on?" She chokes.

"We will never be comfortable around each other. I cannot trust you. You seem to be irritated by my very presence. I do not want to lie to you and pretend that we can be friends, or in that case ever will. We can try to be cordial with one another, but even that seems to be a long shot."

"So where does that leave me?"

I cannot tell whether Adalea has asked me this question or herself. I want to answer, but instead I leave her alone in my room. I need some air.


	18. Chapter 18

**Gemma**

_I'm coming apart at the seams  
Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams now  
Buzz, buzz, buzz  
Doc, there's a hole where something was  
Doc, there's a hole where something was_

_Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, Fall Out Boy_

I eat dinner alone in silence. Both Adalae and Fee ordered their dinner up to their rooms. I find myself brooding as I eat. I am painfully curious to hear what happened when Adalae tried to apologize. I worry that it went poorly since neither of them want to come to dinner.

Ann is spending time in the corner-most table with Charlie. I feel bad for not having much to say to him, but there are other thoughts on my mind. I know that tonight many things will change in the realms. It makes me very nervous to take my place as a leader. I fear I will fail.

On our way to vespers I catch a glimpse of a black coat in the woods. Kartik pops into my mind before I have the chance to stifle such longings. Felicity catches my stare and urges me onward. It is the first thing she has said since she leveled her pace with mine. Adalae is behind us chatting cheerfully with Charlie and Ann. No one noticed the movement in the shadows, causing me to fear my insanity.

After vespers, I am startled by a tight pull on my arm. Suddenly I am in the forest staring face-to-face with a large man that has one large scar covering the length of his face.

"Fowlson!" I rush out in one humph of a breath.

"Miss. Doyle, how do you do?"

"I do well. What about you? Are you part of the Rakshana again?" He grabs me tightly and pulls me deeper into the forest.

"Shh. You are in much danger, Miss. I am no longer a brother of the Rakshana. They have wanted my head for many years so I have been in hiding."

"Danger? What sort of danger?" My voice comes out creaky and distant. He looks past the top of my head into the distance.

"I have a spy who tracks the Rakshana. They heard you were back in London. They want to have power in the realms."

"The Rakshana do not scare me."

"Really? I presume you do not realize that they have sent a member to track you? He is among the Gypsies and he has been tracking you since you arrived. He is very skilled at his job. He will approach you soon enough. Right now, I think he is trying to figure out if you have been going to the realms."

"What exactly are you going to do to help?"

"I am going to kill him."

"Won't that just make the Rakshana angrier?"

"Of course. But I cannot allow them to gain the power they seek."

"And am I not capable of defending the realms?"

"I am sorry Miss. Doyle, but no. They have learned enough about you to attack your weaknesses. They will take your friends. They will threaten your life. Basically they will scare you into submission. They have already begun their work and you did not realize it."

"Pardon?"

"If my source is correct, you were wooed by Mr. Middleton at a ball earlier this month. Am I right?"

I can feel my cheeks flush crimson red. Simon was purposefully trying to get information out of me. I am embarrassed in myself for falling for such trickery.

Fowlson continues, "Do not worry. He learned nothing. But I need you to be careful Miss. Doyle. I do not want you to get hurt."

"How will you kill this member of the Rakshana?"

"I will sneak into camp and attack. Why?"

"That is a stupid idea. They will kill you first. I have a better idea."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"We woo him. If he has not learned anything yet, we send a girl out to trap him." He knows you all too well. It would not work."

"What if we use our newest companion, Adalae?"

"Is that the girl walking with Ann?"

"Yes."

"We could try. I must go now. I will follow close by so he does not get to you. Hurry back to the school. And if you enter the realms tonight, do not do it outside the school." Fowlson turns to run off. Before he can leave I whisper quiet thanks and start running down the main road.

By the time I am back in the school, I am covered in sweat and panting. Everyone gives me a startled look and reprimands me for my indecency. I steal Felicity, Ann, and Adalae away. I tell them what I have learned.

"So let me get this straight. You volunteered me to flirt with this man?" Adalea ponders.

"I did. Consider it punishment for your actions."

"Why can't someone else do it?"

"Afraid of a challenge Adalae?" Fee teases.

"No. I just don't want to put myself out there to a man that for all I know could be hideous."

"Ahh but if he is hideous, you will make a perfect match." I wait to see how Adalae responds to Felicity's jokes. She doesn't seem in the slightest bit undone.

"Well if that be the case, I will ask if he has a brother for you." Adalae sends Felicity a genuine smile. I am shocked to see that Fee gives one back, although it is a little forced.

Later that night we gather in the Main Hall all eager eyed to enter the realms. I am buzzing on the inside out of fear for what awaits. I hope this all goes smoothly.

The minute I step through the door of light I am greeted by Philon, Gorgon, Asha, and a few new faces that I do not recognize. They sit around a table that has four empty seats—one at the head of the table, reserved for me.

"Gorgon stands awkwardly. Her head of snakes turns as I approach. She shoots me a mischievous grin. Next to me Adalae is shaking. Her nails dig into the soft skin of my wrist. I pull away and take my seat at the head of the large slab. Felicity sits on my right and Ann on my left. Adalae takes the last seat, next to Ann. The others all stand around and wait for me to talk.

"Hello all. I thank you for meeting me here today. Before we start I want to introduce you all to Adalae Carmichael. She is one of us now.

"Now, we must discuss what is to be done here. I have thought about a constitution of sorts. I do not know how it would be formatted, but I think that the best way. Does anyone have any suggestions?"

Gorgon speaks out first. "I have spent many days out exploring the realms and talking with the creatures. Most of them agree that they want a say in what is done. They also agree that they want as little participation from the Order and Rakshana as possible. Most High, I do not agree with them. I think it best if we have one representative from your world to lead from afar. I have already discussed this with the others here and they agree unanimously."

Everyone nods in agreement. I notice that Felicity is nodding too. "Alright. So what type of government do you propose?"

It is Asha this time. "I think we should have a way of voting and electing representatives who maintain the peace."

Philon furthers this assessment by saying, "I think each tribe should elect a leader. And then all the leaders can meet consecutively and make sure that the peace is maintained. Your people will also have an elected official who will be able to attend these meetings. All tribes will form an alliance. If any one tribe or individual acts against the rules we right up, we will have a right to wage war."

Felicity replies, "I think it best if we find a strategy for keeping the peace. How about everyone shares the magic and comes to this alliance you speak of? But, instead of way, we build a jail of sorts? We make a place where they have no access to magic. If they disobey they have to stay there for an indefinite portion of time."

"I like that idea," I say. I continue, "Does anyone here substantially object to this idea?"

No one speaks out. "Alright, then can we take a vote on this type of government? All in favor say ay." Everyone says ay. Suddenly I feel that this will be much easier than I imagined.

"Well should we get started writing this constitution now or later?" I ask the group.

"I think it best we all take a break and think about the types of laws we would like to see in this constitution. Everyone should talk to their companions and figure out what is needed."

"Good idea, Gorgon. Ok. So how about we meet back here in a week, my time? Is that enough time for everybody?"

No one objects. "Meeting adjourned." Everyone scatters about pretty quickly. They all seem pretty excited about this process. Gorgon approaches. She looks down at me, but does not make direct eye contact.

"Most High, may I speak with you?"

"Of course." We walk a few steps out of hearing range. "I have missed you terribly."

"Likewise Most High."

"I have heard news that you now live in the Winterlands. Is this true?"

"It is. You would love it there. There are flowers covering every jut in the rocks and ice. It is the most beautiful place in the world. That is actually why I am here to speak with you."

"What is it?"

"I think there is something you would want to see there."

"Yes?" I prod.

"It is the tree. It has been growing in the soil that has all the magic. As a result, it is powerful again. I do not fear this power at all. If anything it is just supplying the realms with the magic."

"So if there is no problem, why must I go?"

"Because, Most High, I think you need to see it for yourself."

"I understand that you think I need to return, but I feel that I do not. I cannot revisit all the pain I felt that day and the days soon after."

"If that be your decision, then I disagree, but there is nothing I can do or say about it. I will see you around Miss. Doyle."

"Goodbye," I utter. It hurts to make Gorgon upset, but I fear what will happen if I return. Look what happened to Fee upon returning to Spence. The thought causes me to wonder where my friends have gone. I search around for a few minutes before I find them all at the ruins.

When I approach, Adalae looks shocked.

"You did this?" She poses in an uncertain voice.

"I did. Impressed?"

"A little."

Ann grabs her arm and pulls her towards the path to the Bramble wall. "There is so much left to show you."

"I want to see the Winterlands."

Felicity looks at me unsure. All three of them look eager to go, but I fear what I will find. I shake my head and say, Next time. We should go home now. I am tired."

"But we have only just arrived," Ann whines.

"If Gemma wants to leave, then we leave." I smile at Fee for her encouragement. We all trample back to the door and walk back to our rooms excitedly.

I do not even bother lying down in my own bed. Once in my night gown, I head straight to Fee's room. She is waiting. I slowly slide into bed with her. I really hope that she does not have any more bad dreams. We both lay awake for some time before I hear her breathing level. Soon enough I am lost to slumber too.


	19. Chapter 19

**Felicity**

_If there's a bustle in your hedgerow_

_Don't be alarmed now,_

_It's just a spring clean for the may queen._

_Yes, there are two paths you can go by_

_But in the long run_

_There's still time to change the road you're on._

_And it makes me wonder._

_Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin_

I am standing in my room at Spence. It is dark outside. The soft rain patters on my window lulling me into thoughtless thoughts. My eyes close and for a second I smell something grotesque, but it passes and all I smell is lilac and violets. My eyes open and she stands in front of me.

Her arms wrap around my waist as she pulls me into a small hug. "I am sorry," Pippa admits.

"I am not mad," I promise.

"I should not have gotten so upset. I am so happy that you are safe. I was worried."

"I was worried about you. I thought I had lost you to the Winterlands. Don't scare me like that again, ok?"

"I promise."

"I wish we could have more time alone together. The factory girls never leave us alone."

She sighs in response. "I know. I am sorry about that too."

We sit quietly in the grass for a few minutes. I can sense the change in her. She thinks herself a hero—something better than a changing creature of the realms. I know better, but I refuse to believe it. There is something else wrong. She holds my hand as if it is the last time she will ever touch me. When we realize we need to head back to the others before they get suspicious, she begs me to stay for a few more minutes.

When I finally stand, Pip leaps with me. She pulls my face to hers hard. Her lips move urgent against mine. They have a new life to them, like something bad is going to happen. I find myself in pain as she bites down hard on my bottom lips. Blood seeps slowly out of the hole in my inner lip. I yelp and she apologizes quickly.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt you."

"Just be a little gentler next time. Now what is with you tonight? You are acting so strange."

"I am fine. I will just miss you is all."

"I am going to miss you too. Now can I give you a goodbye kiss or are you going to bite me again?"

She smiles and promises to behave. That is answer enough. My lips move slowly against hers. With each second the kiss deepens. I can taste the sweet taste of her on my tongue. I pull away before I lose myself completely. Her eyes, which as of recently, have been a creepy blue color are back to her beautiful violet. I smile as I realize that I can control them. I lean and give her one last peck.

She hugs me quickly and then runs off. I am left standing and wondering why she acted that way. I close my eyes and when they re-open I am standing in Spence. I am standing outside a door that looks odd. It is charred from what looks like fire.

The door creaks open and I am met by two honey colored eyes surrounded by a head of wavy brown hair. The two red lips of Adalea part and whisper for me to come in.

"Everything in the room is covered in soot. The only thing not completely ashen is Adalea. She stands behind me and when I turn around she is looking at me like something to eat. She moves closer and parts her lips enough to show off some perfectly white teeth. Her lips come down on my neck. It almost feels like a kiss. Suddenly, her lips part wide and I feel two sharp points puncture me.

Adalea drinks my blood in gulps. As my life dwindles to an end, I see a foggy glow of my memories. I am suddenly watching my life play out: It in my room. My mom slapping me. Simon stealing kisses in corners. Pippa the first time I saw her. Ithal kissing me behind the boat house. Gemma ascending into the dark church. Pippa's funeral. Kissing Pippa for the first time. Holding Pipppa's naked body in my arms. Kissing Pippa for the last time. Burying Pippa. Kissing Marie. All these thoughts blur into one single picture. It is Pippa and I holding hands and spinning as fast as we can—afraid to let go, afraid to stop spinning.

I scream and sit up as conciseness floods over me. Gemma sits up and cradles my rigid body. I start to relax, but the tears do not come. Instead I lie down and go back to sleep curled up in a ball. I am done crying over Pippa Cross.


	20. Chapter 20

**Felicity **

May 8, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_What a surprise seeing you again_

_What a surprise to be with you again_

_See you around the same way I always do_

_See you around, you know I'm hoping to_

_Close Your Eyes, Young Love_

The sound of birds chirping pulls me out of my deep dreamless sleep. Immediately I wish I had not opened my eyes. I have gotten entirely too little sleep and I can feel my body fighting for a few more minutes of rest. The dream comes back to me in a blur. The ending is what frightens me the most. This is the first time I have ever dreamt about Adalea. Even more startling is that it was also the first time I actually got that close to dying in a dream.

Gemma sleeps next to me with a look of pure ecstasy marking her features. She is relaxed in a way I have never seen her. Her eyes peek open slowly not long after I climb out of bed. She looks around confused and then rubs her eyes as if to wipe away all of her sleepiness.

"What were you dreaming about?" I ask absent-mindedly as I dress behind my screen.

"When?"

"Right before you woke up," I answer.

"What makes you think I was dreaming?"

"I don't know. I guess because you looked so content, so at peace. I figured you had to be lost in some fantasy." When I cross the room to her and signal at my untied corset, she seems lost in her thought. "So I was right. What did you dream?"

"I cannot quite place the location. But, I was in some dark area listening to Kartik's voice. I could not see him, but I could hear him. It was…terribly frustrating. But I loved it all the same."

"I know the feeling. My dreams become more frustrating nightly."

"In what way?"

I internally fight myself over whether I should tell her about my Adalea dream last night. The pro-truth side wins. "Last night I dreamt about Adalea." Gemma makes no answer. "She killed me," I declare matter-of-factly.

"That is very strange. Speaking of Adalea, I was wondering, are the two of you…better now?"

"Honestly Gemma, I don't think so. She apologized, and I accepted. But I cannot just forget everything she has done."

"But yesterday you actually talked…and laughed with her. It seemed so…friendly."

"We are not friends. But we are not friends either. I guess she is just a person that I must deal with."

"Like Ann used to be?"

"Yes. Exactly like Ann."

"Well good."

"Why is that good?"

"Because you and Ann are friends now. I want us all to be friends." I choose not to respond to Gemma on that point. We are ready to go down to breakfast and I do not feel like an argument. I know that I will never be able to look at Adalea as a friend. Unlike Ann, she has never intentionally said something hurtful to see my response. Adalea has way too much pride for someone as unimportant as she is. I make a quick promise to myself that I will never befriend her before closing my bedroom door for the day.

**Gemma**

The day went entirely too fast. I spent the full of it teaching some of the really young girls how to dance the waltz. Ann and I did the honors while Felicity taught French for the whole of the day. Adalea spoke with Nightwing up in her office all day.

By nightfall we are all completely exhausted. I am secretly hoping that everyone will be too tired to go to the realms. I am really anxious about visiting the Winterlands. Unfortunately, no one forgets.

Soon enough we are all standing by the enormous fireplace. Our eyes display drowsiness, but our bodies are eager. When we step through the door, Felicity immediately makes herself a bow and arrow out of the magic. She insists that is just in case of an emergency.

We begin the walk towards the Winterlands. Fee seems to be buzzing in her skin. Ann looks a little frightened. Adalea, on the other hand, is in her own world; a world where she is free to do as she wants and admire the beauty.

When we pass Pippa's castle, Adalea gasps and asks, "Whatever happened here?"

Felicity continues walking without even looking towards the destroyed castle. I decide I should answer as discreetly as possible. "This is where Pip died. It was her home and it came down on her." Adalea picks up my tone and does not ask anything else. As we cross over the Bramble Wall, I notice that Adalea looks back once before turning towards the dark skies of the Winterlands.

We stop suddenly at the gates to the Winterlands. It is no longer so disgusting and deathly. Flowers and vines twirl in and out of the bones that make up its foundation. The heart beating in the middle talks to us as we approach.

"I remember you ladies. I can see into your souls; much has changed."

I go first and say, "I want answers. I fear solitude." The gate swings open and allows me to enter. Muffled I hear Ann explain to Adalea what must be done.

Ann informs the gate that she wants a family and fears rejection. Soon she stands next to me. I can hear Adalea and Felicity arguing over who goes first. Finally, Adalea agrees.

"I want to be loved. I fear…I guess I fear myself." The gate opens for Adalea and she steps through cautiously. We are surrounded by flowers of all different colors. What can be seen of the ground is black ice. The mountains are behind us, covered in an icy coat. I can hear Fee saying that she wants to forget and fears remembering.

Soon the four of us are walking towards the tree. The hike goes much faster than I remember. Suddenly it is there, in the distance. Its braches have grown larger. Purple flowers are in bloom covering the tree like a blanket. When Ann and Fee notice it, they take off at a full sprint. Adalea smiles and runs too. I slowly walk towards it. As I get closer I hear my name in the wind—a soft whisper cooing "Gemma."

When I am finally there, Felicity reaches out as if to touch it. She looks at me, asking for permission. I nod once, knowing that the tree holds no power. As soon as her hands meet with the bark, her body relaxes and she is transfixed in a daze. Ann does the same. I am deeply confused how this is possible.

I expect nothing to happen for Adalea, but she hesitantly puts her right finger onto the tree. Her eyes glaze over and soon both hands are pressed against the rough bark. I fear what will happen if I touch it; I fear what will happen if I do.

Slowly, I take one more step towards the tree. The wind sighs my name again. I rest my palm on the tree and immediately the ground drops out from below me. I am falling into a black hole with no sound, smell, or light. Suddenly, I land. It is darker than the darkest night wherever I am. The air is musty and sticky, unnaturally cool. I sense a presence other than my own behind me. My body goes rigid as I fear the worst.

A beautiful husky voice speaks out of the darkness. "Gemma…You came." I turn around in a whirl. I see nothing but blackness. I reach out and my hand grabs something soft—fabric. I slide my hand up. I feel skin. I reach out with my other hand and grab hold of the face of a man. I knew who it was the instant he said my name, but I need to be sure.

"Kartik?" I ask, worried that I am dreaming. My thumb brushes across his perfect lips which turn into a smile under my touch. His teeth are the only thing I can see in the darkness.

His hands reach out, grabbing my waist. He pulls me tight into his chest. I smell that familiar scent of cinnamon and smoke on his body. "I have missed you."

The tears pour down before I can stop them, but I find myself not caring. He pulls away briefly and wipes his rough fingers over my cheeks, erasing the moisture. "Gemma, don't cry. I am here now."

I laugh in spite of myself which causes a new batch of tears. My fingers tighten around his shirt. He pulls me back into his arms and cradles me there while I gain control of myself. He feels so real in my arms. His voice is really there. I hope with all the fight I have in me that this is real.

The tears slow. I cannot bring myself to let go of him out of fear that he will disappear. His head bends and his soft lips kiss the top of my head gently. I look up, and feel his lips on my forehead. They linger there as his breath wraps around my face sending my head spinning.

"I…How are you here? Where are we?" I stutter out.

"We are inside the tree—where I belong, remember?"

"I don't understand. You weren't able to contact me last time I came."

"Back then the tree held no power. But, as time has passed, the tree has been absorbing the magic through its roots. I think that now I can communicate with you because of the magic, the same way you contacted Eugenia."

"Is this real?"

"I sure hope so," Kartik whispers against my hair. I lean into him, pulling him closer. His hand reaches up. It stops over my heart, which no doubt he can feel stuttering under the surface. He continues upwards. His hand trails up my neck to my chin. He grips me lightly and tilts my face up. I feel his lips gently brush against mine. They are gone as quick as they came.

For the first time since I arrived, I loosen my grip on his shirt. My fingers latch around his strong shoulders. All my strength is used as I pull him towards me. His lips catch my bottom lip greedily. We move together; as he breaths in, I breathe out. One of his hands clutches my hair and holds me firmly to his face.

My tongue, acting on its own account, slides into his mouth. His hot breath sinks into me and fills me with love. The hand that is not holding my hair, slides up to me bosom and grabs hold. My hands react to his touch by sliding up his neck. My fingers tangle through his thick, curly hair.

When he finally pulls out of the kiss, we are both out of breath. I stutter out, "I need to see your face."

"I have yet to learn how to harness the magic to illuminate it in here. I am sorry Gemma. I want to see you too."

He pulls me down into a sitting position. We sit quietly, deep in thought. Kartik absent-mindedly twirls my hair in his fingers. I have so many questions to ask him. They all forge together making it impossible to discern one from the other. Just as I open my mouth to say something, Kartik chimes, "I am sure you are wondering what I am doing here."

"Actually yes. I thought you crossed the river. I thought you were…gone." I cannot force my self to say dead.

"When I sacrificed myself for you, I was trapped in here. For a very long time I have been stuck in this place. When people touch the tree I can feel their presence. One day, someone reached out and I was overcome by their thoughts, their desires. I was really worried until I realized that the tree is just doing what is natural. So, I taught myself how to tune out what happens in the minds of those people."

I listen quietly to every word he has to say. When he stops, I ask, "How did you know it was me in here?"

"When you touched the tree I could feel all your emotions, your pain, and your desires. It was different though because I could not tune it out. You were invading my mind. And then when it cut out and I could hear breathing other than my own, I knew it had to be you."

I am silent in his strong arms. He continues, "I did not think it was possible to ever see you again. I had hoped, but never been sure. I am just as scared as you are."

"I…I am not scared of you Kartik. I am only afraid that this is a dream. I fear you will disappear and never resurface."

"Gemma, I will never leave you." His words burn my heart.

"You left me once before."

"You know as well as I do that it was my destiny to save you. I was not going to let you die." His arms tighten around me. He holds on with everything he has. He is lost in his thoughts again. I am startled when his husky voice whispers, "Why haven't you married?"

My cheeks turn red and I think about the best way to answer. "I could not give myself to another. You are the only man I belong with."

"I am gone Gemma. You need to move on."

"You are here now!" I exclaim violently.

"I do not know how long this will last. Besides, I am in a tree in a different world. You should find someone better suited for you." Kartik's voice cracks when he says suited.

"There is only you." He is silent for a few seconds. Then, he sighs, "That is not true. You know it as well as I do." When I do not respond, he utters, "Mr. Carter."

I am stunned that he knows about Mr. Carter. Immediately I feel remorse for my love for any man but Kartik. "How…how did you know about that?" I inquire. He retorts, "I saw your thoughts. I think you should be with him. You want to be."

"I want to be with you more."

"That does not change the fact that deep down, you love him. You are just scared."

I pull my body away from Kartik's grasp. How could he think that I could ever love someone more than him? The tears well back up. I cannot bear to segregate my whole body from his. One of my hands stays tucked tightly in his. "I...I—"

"Shh Gemma. Relax. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Let's not fight."

"And am I supposed to just forget that you don't want to be with me?" I cry out.

"What makes you think I don't want to be with you? Gemma, I love you." There it was. The three words he never said. His body folds over mine, pressing me to the ground. He is on top of me. My heart accelerates.

"Gemma, don't you ever doubt my want…no, my need for you. I have always loved you, and always will." His words come out angry, tense. His face is mere inches from mine. "Promise me that you will never ever say something like that again." Kartik insists infuriated.

"I…I promise," I whisper. The space between our faces disappears. He is against me, his breath all over my skin as his lips explore my body. He leaves a trail of kisses down my neck to my shoulders. His tongue tastes the skin on my collarbone. When his mouth moves on, I feel the cool air tingle against my dampened skin.

His soft lips are under my ear nibbling on the sensitive skin. I gasp. He grunts. Kartik pulls away from my neck and whispers in my ear, "You are my destiny. Forever."

And with that he finds my lips one last time. He pulls away far too soon. He pulls me up with him. We are standing. "You must leave."

"Wh…what?"

"Your friends are done. You must leave me."

The thought of leaving him when I just got him back fills my soul up with arsenic. I cannot bear to walk away from him. "No." I stand firm.

"Yes." He grabs my wrist tightly. "You will go. But you will come back as soon as possible. Do you understand me Miss. Doyle?"

His grasp on my wrist hurts. He is too strong. "Yes. Let me go." The minute his hand is gone, I wish it were back.

"Please come back," Kartik murmurs.

"Of course I will." I can feel my body tingling as I focus on returning to my friends. Just as I am about to be pulled under, I tell Kartik that I love him. And with that, I am standing next to the tree, out of breath. The confused faces of Adalea, Felicity, and Ann greet me concerned.

**Felicity**

Gemma is the last to pull away from the tree. She looks like she has seen a ghost. Then again, the tree showed me a ghost too. We stumble back to the garden in silent giddiness. I can see a new hope in each of our eyes. Ann, the happiest of us all recently, blends in again. Her eyes twinkle, but not like Gemma's.

Even Adalea seems to have softened for a little bit. Her honey colored eyes melt into the most amazing caramel color. I stare into them from a distance, until she notices that is. She smiles at me interested. I smirk.

Gemma is lost to her thoughts. She carries this odd mixture of emotions. I look at her and see a very giddy girl, and when I look back, she resembles a terrified child. Yet, each emotion seems to be as fast retreating as it appeared.

The four of us sit in the garden together, but alone in consciousness. I find myself in a state of bliss as I recall all that the tree told me. The flashes of Pip's beautiful face emerge. The way she looked in my memories. I remember the way it had not hurt to see her the way it does in my dreams. She was there, but not completely. The tree gave me the sense of her presence, but it showed me much more.

It told me that I could be a leader here, that I have the power to do something truly extraordinary. The magic of the power and pride the tree instilled in me is much stronger than anything I have ever felt, with the exception of love that is. I feel as if I am not a useless soul—a place holder that just takes up space. For the first time in a while, I feel alive.

The only image that the tree offered that startles me is one fleeting glimpse at something that scares me more than anything else. For one brief second, I saw two honey colored eyes. I am at a loss for a reason as to why the Tree of All Souls forged those eyes into my thoughts, allowing them to burn into my memory.

I spend the rest of our time in the realms searching my thoughts for a reason Adalea would appear in my tree visit. With no conclusion in sight, I shake my head and clear my mind.

"Gemma, I think it best if we head back now." She smiles absently at me and stands. The others follow reluctantly. Soon the four of us are back in the safe halls of Spence. Gemma follows me straight to my room. We undress in the dark and slide into my bed. We have no closing thoughts to voice to one another. Soon I am lost to the world of my imagination.


	21. Chapter 21

**Felicity**

_But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace  
And in this world of loneliness  
I see your face  
Yet everyone around me  
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe  
But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open_

_Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis_

The castle is buzzing with the cheers of celebration. I am not quite sure what we celebrate, but I am happy nevertheless. Pippa sits on her throne, eating berries until her lips and tongue are a dark blue. I leave the main part of the castle to place my bouquet of daisies in the tower. A piece of my joy is shattered when I hear the arrival of Gemma and Ann.

As I approach, I hear Gemma ask, "Where is Fee? Have you seen her?"

"I'm here," I answer as I dance to Pip's side. "What do you want?"

"Fee, you can't stay here," Gemma replies with her usual air of authority. I sit down next to Pip and ask why.

Gemma takes a deep breath and urges, "The realms are falling to chaos. The tribes are at war, the Temple's been razed, and Circe has gone to the Winterlands to join with the creatures."

I worry for a split second. But, fortunately, Pip saves me. "Nothing has touched us here. Now shall we have another ball this evening?"

Gemma argues back, "Pippa we can't have a party."

Pip's stunning laughter rings my ears. "Let the creatures have at each other. They're no match for me." Pippa's newfound pride worries me more than her words.

"That's right, Miss. Pippa will serve notice," Bessie agrees.

"Did you tell them how you came to be here? Why you can't cross?" Gemma insists bitterly. I search Pip's face for the truth in this accusation. I can see the change in her eyes. Pip tries to lie. Gemma knows better. "She asked me to help her cross the river, but she couldn't go on. Because she stayed too long here. Because she ate the berries," Gemma shouts as she knocks over the chalice filled with berry juice.

I ask the question I already know the answer to. "You meant to cross? Without telling me?" Instead of answering my questions, Pip stares Gemma in the eyes and says, "What does it matter now? For I was saved for a higher purpose."

My heart is throbbing. My head is about to explode. Tears brim my eyes. I cannot focus on what they argue about. All I can picture is Pippa leaving me—just like all people do. Suddenly I snap back to reality when Pip steps close enough to Gemma to hurt. I intervene. "Pippa, stop."

"Are you on her side now?"

There are no sides," Ann says. "Are there?"

"There are now," Pip answers. I look into her eyes astonished by what I see. I cannot find a trace of the girl I love. She is savage, and dark. I am scared of this woman. Mercy admits that Pippa took Wendy to the Winterlands and a small brawl unleashes between Mercy and Bessie.

"Pippa," Gemma asks, "What have you done?" The fear chills Gemma's voice.

"What you wouldn't. Poor Gemma, always so afraid of her power. Well, not me."

I plead, "Pip, you didn't make a bargain with those creatures."

"What if I did?"

"You didn't," I answer, attempting to convince myself. The girl I love is not capable of such an act. But, this new Pip is.

"It was such a small thing they asked. A sacrifice no one would miss. I offered that silly bunny—that's all. You see what we've been given in return!" Her arms outstretch towards her domain. I only see weeds.

Gemma pleads with Pip, to no avail.

"Tell me the truth!" Gemma shouts.

"She. Was. A. Burden." Pip emphasizes. My stomach churns. "Oh God." I am going to be sick to my stomach.

"No, Fee, you'll see. It's going to be so wonderful…Shall I tell you what the tree promised? What I saw there after my sacrifice? I saw the Order's time ending and something new being born. Their days have passed. Our time is at hand."

Her followers move closer. They hang on her every word. Pip's eyes are changing from violet to light blue more frequently as of recently. She is still beautiful beyond means, but her new beauty is terrible. It is frightening.

She continues, "I heard the voice whisper sweetly in my head: _So special you are. You are chosen. I will exalt you._ I am the chosen one. I am the way. You follow me; you must be as I am."

I gently touch Pippa's check and turn it towards me. "Pip, what are you saying?" I ask, as gently as possible. Instead of answering, she cringes from my grip and goes to Bessie. I feel I have been replaced.

"Would you follow me, Bessie?" Pippa asks with a berry in hand.

"Yes, miss," Bessie answers hoarsely. Pippa's eyes lock with mine as she moves to place the berry on Bessie's eager tongue. She is taunting me to see my reaction. I lunge at the pair and knock the berry free. Pippa responds by shoving me hard. I throw my strength back into her, hoping to knock whatever demon has possessed her out.

For a second I think I have succeeded. Pip's falls to the ground in a convulsing heap. Her body thrashes violently. I fall next to her and cradle her stilling body.

"Wh-what has happened?" Pippa asks as she attempts to stand. I grab her tightly and hoist her to her throne as I whisper, "Shhh, it was a fit."

"No. Not here. Not now," Pip trembles. She tries to regain her power by offering Bessie a berry. The factory girls shy away. Suddenly, I want to kill them all for their insensitivity.

Pip begins to cry. "No! I am special! Chosen! You will not leave me!" Suddenly we are surrounded by fire. It burns my eyes as I focus on Pip's determined face. Her strength is returning quickly. I am both relieved and terrified.

The factory girls are worshiping their queen. They cannot contain their awe and admiration for this powerful Pip. I grip her arm tighter. "It was a fit. You have to tell them."

She ignores me. "I will lead you to glory. Who will follow?"

"You must tell them the truth!" I hiss.

"Shut your mouth," Mea threatens. I am not scared of her.

"Don't order me about!" Pippa snaps. "Everyone's forever ordering me about." Pip twists out of my grip and leaves me standing. I know for a fact that I have never done that to her. I have never once told Pippa how to live her life. The tears resurface. I want the old Pip back.

"It was meant to be, "she cries, "It was preordained! That is why I could not cross. How else to explain why the magic has grown in me?"

"You had a fit, "I say, trying to convince her.

"It was a vision, like Gemma's!" I slap her as hard as I can. My hand stings—a reminder of her now violent skin. Pip turns on me with the ferocity of a cornered animal. "You'll be sorry for that," She warns. Our eyes are locked in a menacing glare. Hers are the milky blue that I hate.

"I felt that Gemma! Don't try again!" Pip shouts without moving her eyes. Bessie spits on me. We are all being pulled outside. Once in the open, Pip unleashes more fire.

"Mistress Pippa, we'll do wha'ever you ask of us. Just a word and it's done," Bessie insists.

"My whole life I have been ordered about. Now I shall give the orders." Her words stab me—they penetrate my very core. I flinch at the sound. Building all my strength, I force out, "Not me. I never ordered you about."

Pip changes before me. Her eyes change back to violet. Her face softens. She resembles the girl I love. "Oh, Fee," she croons. Her hands latch around my waist and pull me to her. We stare into each other's eyes. I cannot see the terrifying girl she was just moments ago. She is young and beautiful again. Her eyes are pouring out love. They seep love through every flicker of color.

And with that her lips find mine. Kissing Pip is like opium to an addict. She pulls me in and hooks me tightly. We kiss violently—urgently. The tears stream down my face as I taste her for what I feel could be the last time. I pull her closer by her silky hair. She tugs at my hair in response. Her magic seeps into me and I can feel what she feels: her need to be needed, her longing to be loved and admired, her fear of what she is becoming, and most of all, I feel her overpowering love for me.

I am suddenly aware of our audience. I pull away, embarrassed by our display. I look at Pip and consider continuing where we left off. Pip gently grabs my arm to stop me from leaving.

"Why do you always go? You're always leaving me."

"I'm not," I answer while swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Don't you see? Here we can be free to do as we wish." She's right, but I know I cannot. My lips tremble as I answer, "But I cannot stay."

"Yes, you can. You know how." I remember how much I had wanted to eat that berry that day. I want it more now. Internally, war rages. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the seed Pippa planted. "I can't. Not that way."

"You said you loved me. Why will you not eat the berries and stay with me?" Pip says in low, measured tones.

"I do," I whisper. "But—"

"You do what? Why will you not say it?" Pip demands of me.

I cannot say it. I cannot admit to myself that I need someone other than myself. She knows how I feel. I have no doubt about it. "I…do."

Pippa releases my arm. Immediately, I miss the contact. Her eyes fill with tears and I fight my urge to wipe them away. "The time has come to make a choice, Fee. Either you are with me or against me." Her hand opens revealing a berry.

Never in my life have I wanted something more that that berry. My heart and brain are in a fierce battle. Each blow sends me into a whirlwind of emotions. My heart aches for Pip. But, something deep down inside me knows it would be wrong. I search for answers in my friends around me. Their faces hold no truths. My silence is answer enough for Pip.

Pippa squeezes the berry with all her strength causing the juices to stain her skin. Her eyes squeeze shut just as tightly as if she is making up her mind. I know she will not hurt me.

Her eyes open slowly. All I can see in them is pain.

My eyes open just as slowly. I shake my head and try to rid of my dream. It won't go away easily. I push myself out of bed hurriedly and drench my face in water. The tears drip onto the countertop slowly. When Gemma awakes, I dry my face and put on the fake smile I wear so well.


	22. Chapter 22

**Gemma**

May 9, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_Haven__'__t you heard the word __of __how I want you?  
Oh, I__'__m gonna be wounded  
Oh, I__'__m gonna be your wound  
Oh, I__'__m gonna bruise you  
Oh, you__'__re gonna be my bruise_

_The Word of your Body, Spring Awakening_

The day drags slowly. It seems that all of Spence is dreary like the soft rain that patters on the windows. Ann and Charlie have been in London the majority of the day planning their wedding. Her presence is greatly missed as Fee, Adalea, and I sit in the Main Hall and drink tea. I had not realized how much Ann's presence has given us something to talk about. She is the glue that holds our shaky group together.

Felicity keeps yawning and then begging our pardons. I feel as if someone hit me on the head with a brick. Adalea seems to be the only one who can even function normally. For the fourth time in the last ten minutes she asks if we are alright. We both sigh and nod. She does not believe it.

"You two are absolutely dreadful today. I am bored out of my wits."

Felicity replies, obviously annoyed, "Then leave. We didn't ask you here." I am too tired to care that Fee is being rude.

"What did you two see in the tree?" Adalea changes the subject flawlessly. I smile at my memory. I fear that it was all some amazing dream, but I must have hope that it was real.

When neither of us answers immediately, Adalea continues, "I will tell you if you tell me." I steal a glance at Fee and she seems to be debating whether or not to tell Adalea. Finally, her eyes gleam as she makes a decision. "How about you tell us first? We will explain once you're done."

Adalea looks hesitantly at me. I nod assumingly.

"Well it is hard to explain it all. I guess I saw my mother before she died. And I saw some of my former friends. Then I saw a lot of beauty in the realms. The tree kept telling me that I hold power to change something. I was confused by it. Do you know what it could mean?"

I whisper, "No." Fee shakes her head. "Anyway, it was amazing. It felt so nice to just lose all my cares and worries. I was just there, alive."

I know exactly how she feels. I remember the first time I was subject to the magic. It was exhilarating and beautiful all at once. It was also terrifying.

I am surprised when Fee speaks up without my urging. "I got to re-live some of my happier days. And of course it revealed all my inner desires, but that I was expecting. So what about you Gemma? What did the mysterious Gemma Doyle see?"

I debate lying to Fee. But, I remember the last time I was untruthful. It did not end well. I decide on a mysterious answer to coincide with my personality. "I saw Kartik." His name comes off my tongue like a lullaby. For the first time in seven years, I do not flinch at the way the two syllables roll of the tongue. I suppose that is what clued Fee in about my lie.

"What else?" She judges.

"He…he was alive…in the tree. He was really there." Felicity is stunned silent. Adalea looks confused. I decide I better go on before Fee becomes a mute. "Do you remember how I used to be able to talk to Eugenia? Well he took her place. He lives in the tree. I…I talked to him."

Whatever I was expecting Felicity to say, it is not what actually comes out of her mouth. "Leave it to the magical Gemma to get exactly what she wants." And with that, Felicity stands and pushes her way outside.

"I will go get her," Adalea assures.

"Don't. Sometimes Felicity needs space. Just leave her be. She will come in later."

"It's pouring rain!"

"I am aware of the weather. Adalea, I have known Fee for a long time. Believe me when I say, she needs some time to herself."

Adalea stares me down for a brief second and then bolts out the door after Felicity.

**Felicity**

I am fuming as I pace back and forth in the rain. Of course Gemma can talk to Kartik while I am stuck with no Pippa. I feel completely alone in the world, and I hate it. I hate everything about this lousy place. The realms don't hold enough magic without Pippa.

"Felicity, come out of the rain." I turn to see Adalea standing in the front doors yelling at me. I am in no mood to deal with her right now. I jog further from Spence towards the cover of the trees. I glance back once and see her following. She catches up to me and grabs my wrist.

"Felicity, what's wrong?" Her honey eyes probe mine for information.

"Leave me alone," I spit out. I do not know when the tears began, but now they pick up momentum. She runs her free hand through her soaked hair, pulling it gently out of her bun. The water has turned it almost black. It falls in a heap around her concerned face. She does not leave.

"I know you hate me. But, I need you to know that I don't hate you. In fact, I am fascinated by you. I want to know you. Why won't you tell me?"

The rain splatters on my exhausted body. Adalea's words sting my core. I look at her pleading. "Please leave me alone." It comes out all choppy and disoriented. I sound desperate on a whole new level.

Adalea steps closer to me. Her grip on my wrist loosens and soon she has my hand in hers. She squeezes gently, reassuringly. "I am here whether you need me or not." And with that she releases me and runs towards the shelter of our school. I stand in the rain lost in my thoughts. After a considerable amount of time, Gemma comes out with an umbrella and escorts me inside.

Come nightfall I am a mess. My nose runs and sneezes escape my sore throat. One of the new maids worries that I am too sick to leave my room, but I insist she let me do as I please. Gemma looks concerned too.

"I understand if you do not want to go tonight," she suggests.

"I will"—sneeze—"go."

"I am not sure that is the best idea," Ann intercedes.

I ignore them and continue down the steps of Spence. When I reach the ground floor, I continue down to the kitchen. I no longer know the kitchen staff here. A young girl, possibly 15, asks if there is anything she can do for me. I smile charmingly and ask for some warm tea with peppermint. While I wait, I sit at the counter and admire the soft melody of my knuckles on the wood.

She returns promptly with a steaming cup. I drink it down slowly, savoring the flavor on my scratchy throat. Peppermint is one of my favorite flavors. Just the smell alone intoxicates me.

I finish far too quickly. I am not in the mood to return to the happy cheer of Ann and Charlie or the concern of Gemma. I contemplate tracking down Adalea, but change my mind. She is much too confusing, and I still do not trust her.

The rain stopped a few hours ago and I can see a rainbow. I grab my cloak and decide a walk will suffice.

Soon I am standing in the sticky air near the Gypsy camp. I can hear laughter rising from their groups. For a moment I am curious to see what they are doing—how they occupy the silent hours. I turn to head back towards the school when movement catches my eye. I see a black cloak sliding in the shadows. Instinct tells me I should run, but curiosity encourages me to follow.

I know that it could be the member of the Rakshana who is tracking us, but I follow anyway. When the hooded figure realizes that I am following, it takes off full stride. I run after. It flies around corners with far too much agility for an untrained person. My corset suffocates me. I fall behind more every step. Soon, I am peeled over coughing hysterically.

When the coughing resides, I head back towards the school. The sun is starting to set and I do not want to be stuck out in the dark.

I take dinner in my room and skip out on vespers. The silence of my room consoles me. The next thing you know, I am being awoken by Gemma who asks if I still want to go to the realms. I am ready in record time.

**Gemma**

The four of us waste no time in the realms. We are all desperate to return to the tree. My heart swells with love as I see the tree in the distance. My feet pick up speed until I am running. I reach the tree first, in a flurry. My hands fly in to it, pushing all my weight against it.

Suddenly I am falling. Images flash through my mind. I see me as a child sitting at a table with my family, laughing. The garden I used to play in fills my thoughts. Soon every pleasant memory I have filters through me. I land on my feet in the familiar musty darkness. I turn around once, about to open my mouth, when I feel his hand strong and sure on my arms.

My body instinctively flies into the cover of his arms. He pulls me against his chest tightly. I rest my head on his broad shoulder.

"Kartik," I whisper against his cloak, the surprise audible.

"I promised I would be here, so I am." I don't know how long we stood like that—his hands running up and down my back. Eventually, Kartik pulls away slowly. I can feel his warm breath on my forehead.

His fingers pull my chin upward, and his lips find mine. We kiss for a few seconds, before he pulls away slowly.

"So I figured something out today," he says as he rubs his thumbs against my cold hands.

"What?" I ask as I pull away slightly, searching for his face in the dark. I see nothing.

"Hold on," Kartik laughs. His hands let go of mine briefly. I can hear him moving. Suddenly, the place is illuminated. His strong back is to me. His hands pushed against the tree. He turns his head back to look at me, a smile spreading across his face.

I lose my breath at the sight of his face. He has not changed in the slightest bit. His skin, always so much darker than mine, stretches across is strong cheekbones and jaw line perfectly. His teeth gleam in the light. His thick hair sticks out sloppily. I save his eyes for last. They are dark, almost black. His long eye lashes circle them sleepily. A lock of his curls falls into one eye, covering it slightly.

We stare at each other. Time seems to stop. His beautiful eyes rake over my body slowly—absorbing the sight. They have a strange glint to them as he focuses on my bust. I am too happy to be nervous.

Finally, he pulls his eyes back to my face, with some effort, I might add. "Gemma, you are…perfect." His soft lips pull over his teeth. If I am not mistaken, I would say he looks hungry. "I mean…you are beautiful."

"So are you," I spill without thinking. "I didn't mean beautiful." He laughs a throaty chuckle. "I mean you are handsome." Suddenly the distance between us is too much to bear. I reach towards him quickly, taking his elbow in my hands and tug lightly.

"Gemma I cannot keep the light without my hands here."

"Well Kartik, it is a good thing that we don't need light for what we are about to do." And with that I pull his hands away. The tree goes dark as my lips find his throat.

His muscular body feels exquisite under my fingers. We lay together out of breath and sweaty. He is silent as he thinks. It gives me time to think about the implications of my actions. More importantly, I think about how to get him out of the tree.

"Kartik?"

"Hmmm."

"Is there anyway you can leave?"

"I think if someone were to sacrifice themselves to the tree, I would be released. Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? I am not going to let you spend forever in this tree. Besides, I need you."

"Gemma, I am dead. If I leave the tree, I will have to cross the river. That is what I have been trying to tell you. I am not really here."

"Yes, you are! We just…we just did something that I could not do by myself. You are here. And if you cannot leave, then I will come to you."

"No."

"Yes."

"Gemma, promise me you won't do that."

"I will not make that promise. I want to be with you."

"Bloody hell Gemma! I want you too, so so bad. But you cannot take your own life to be with me." He stands as he says this. Our contact is severed and it scares me.

"It is no different than what you did." I shout defensive.

"It is the extreme opposite of what I did. I gave my life for you. And if you take your life, won't you just be making what I did a waste?"

It hits me like a pound of bricks. He is right. If I eat a berry and stay in the realms for him, I will have defeated myself—the one thing he fought to protect.

"I'm sorry. There is just no way I can allow that."

"I understand," I whisper. The tears are streaming down my face. His fingers wipe away the signs of my sadness. "Gemma, it is time. Your friends are waiting." Without another word, I stand and try to dress. It is too dark to figure out what I am doing. With only half my clothes on, I concentrate on leaving. I feel the cold air of the Winterlands on my exposed feet, hands, and face.

Ann looks at me with shock. Adalea laughs when she takes in my attire. Felicity just looks at me with a hateful glare.

**Felicity**

"I'm not saying that I am done being mad at you, or anything, but can I ask you something?" Gemma shoots me a side glance as she pulls her hair down around her face.

"I guess. Unless, that is you plan to attack me for things I have no control over." I ignore the slight jab and concentrate on how to word my question without offense.

"What is it like? Being with Kartik again, that is." She seems to ponder the best way to answer. I know that Gemma worries that an honest answer will hurt my feelings. "Honestly, Gemma. What does it honestly feel like?"

She takes a deep breath and turns in her chair to face me. "Honestly, it is amazing…while it lasts. I mean, I only see him for a short period of time. When I leave, the constant ache of his absence returns. Though it is dulled, it hurts all the same. I don't know how I will ever manage leaving him again."

"Why would you leave him when you have him so close?"

"Because I have no real choice. He has ordered me to continue living in this world. And he cannot come back here. I keep getting this feeling that this will be over all too soon. Honestly Felicity, I am scared out of my mind. I don't think I am strong enough to let him go again."

"Gemma, do not ever say that you aren't strong enough. You are the strongest woman I know. If you are too weak, than there is no hope for the rest of us."

"Don't be foolish. You are by far the strongest and bravest person on Earth. How can you not see it?" Gemma sits next to me on my bed and takes my hands in hers. "Felicity, I need you to know that you are a good person. You are the best person I know."

"Gemma, I really appreciate it, but I am not. And I am sick of people telling me otherwise. Please…stop trying to build my ego more than it already is. I. Am. Not. Special."

Gemma releases my hands and looks away. I have won this round, but she will be back. I lie down and blow out the last candles. Gemma is stubborn for a few moments, but eventually tiredness overcomes her. She lies down and sleeps. The last thing I see before my eyes fall victim is a shadow creak past the door. But, I am out before I can register.

I am wandering through the woods alone. Pip has to come tonight. She has to meet me here. I know I already made my choice, and she is beyond angry, but I must talk with her. I decide to head to the Bramble Wall in hopes that she will be alone. I hope and pray that she will find me because I cannot risk going back to the castle. If she is not at the wall, I will head to our clearing and then go home.

Pippa is not waiting for me at the Bramble Wall. I fear I might have really made her angry this time. We always meet here when we need to talk. And, I know for sure that we need to talk. I practically sprint to our clearing. When I step through the trees, I am out of breath and crying. She is there. At my approach she turns. Her usual glowing face is turned down into a grimace. I take some time to recover from my hasty approach. When I am fully recovered I say, "I am sorry." I ma sorry for all the things I can't do for you, for the person I cannot be for you.

"You have been saying that a lot lately."

"And I am not the only person who should be sorry. What in bloody hell happened back there?"

"Did Ann see you come back down?" Pip asks attempting to change the subject.

"You didn't answer my question."

"And I don't need to. You don't want me, so why should I feel obligated to explain myself."

I am angry at her now. "Oh, I don't know Pip! Why should you feel _obligated _to explain how you became such a monster?" Her nostrils flare out in anger. "What happened to the Pippa that I love? What happened to that girl?"

"She doesn't exist anymore. She died a long time ago. You know it as well as I do. I have not been that same little Spence girl that I was. And honestly Felicity, if that is the girl you want than you should know you never had her—not for one second. That girl would never be with you."

Her words stab me like a knife. For the first time in my life, I wish to just give up and die. I am too hurt to cry—too hurt to feel anything at all. I just stare at the only person who has ever had the power to destroy me. And destroy me she does.

"I am sorry," Pippa whispers. "I am sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you. You are the only person who has stuck with me through it all and look how I reward you. I wish I could be the right girl for you. I am no longer her. I cannot control this power that has overcome me. Felicity, you are the only person that can find my humanity underneath this demon that I have become."

The feeling slowly seeps back into my body. Pippa's vulnerability has intensified my love for her. Suddenly, I want nothing more than to be with her, while she is herself. I know this is the end. I know that anything from here on out is goodbye. Why not have Pippa while she is mine to have? I hate the beast that burns inside her. I hate the light blue of her eyes. But, most of all I hate myself for allowing this to happen. I should have eaten a berry when I had a chance. But, it is too late now. The choices I made may haunt me forever, but I have no other choice.

"Pippa," I say as I walk closer to her, "I cannot be with you forever. But, we have now. Let's make the best of tonight. And then, it is over."

Pip's gentle hands pull me to the ground with her. The flowers caress my skin gently and tickle my nose. Pip looks as lovely as ever surrounded by the purple of these flowers. Her eyes—violet again--sparkle like gems. I smile in spite of all my fears.

"Earlier, did you tell me you love me?"

"I did."

"Can I hear it again?"

"I love you Pippa Cross." She smiles huge and throws herself at me, latching her recently strengthened arms around my neck. We fall to the grass. Her body folds over mine pleasantly.

Her kisses are deep, wet ones that have entirely too much force behind them. Her soft fingers slide up and down the skin of my neck causing goose bumps to rise up my neck. Tears stream down her perfect face. They splatter against the skin of my face. Suddenly, I need to be closer to Pip. Kissing is no longer enough.

Roughly, I fumble with the strings of her corset. She seems to understand where I am heading. Pip rolls off of me and sits—her back to me. I untie the strings slowly. When her corset slides off gently, she turns to me. I pivot and she undoes my corset.

When I turn back towards her, I am stunned at how perfect she looks. I have no idea what I am doing, where I am going with this. The only experience I have had, I tried to suppress from my thoughts. I remember some of the ways my father touched me with his hands—some of the things he did with his fingers. To me, they were not pleasurable at all. But, maybe Pip would like it. Soon, I give in to instinct.

Eventually, our movements stutter to a stop. We lay in each others arms naked, and in tears, surrounded by a bed of delicious flowers.

"I am only me when I am with you," Pip whispers in my ear as I start to fall asleep. I look at her. She seems so real, so wonderful against my body. I know my time here is up, but I cannot bring myself to leave this moment. We lie like that for a long time. Eventually we hear the factory girls searching for Pip. The moment disappears.

We dress quickly and fumble through quick goodbyes.

"I love you too," Pip shouts as I run as fast as I can through the forest towards the door.

The dream fades to nothingness. I can feel my body starting to function. When I open my eyes, I see nothing but darkness. I weep.

My wallowing is interrupted when Gemma reaches towards my hand and says, "Tell me about it."

And for the first time, I do. I tell Gemma about the whole dream. Then I tell her all the dreams leading up to Pip's death. I talk and talk. By the time I am done explaining everything to Gemma, the sun has risen. A new day breaks and I am changed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Gemma**

May 10, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_You're just so typical, I took you for original  
Like all the other ones, like every other hit and run_

_Next in Line, Meese_

Felicity's brute honesty this morning has given me yet another reason to treasure her friendship. Through her descriptions of her dreams, I have come to realize how important it is that I do not lose Kartik while I have him. Furthermore, Felicity has finally completely opened up to me. I know how hard it must have been to reveal those last few days with Pippa and I will never completely be able to understand how Felicity convinced herself to tell me. I think she was finally sick of being alone in her misery.

The day seems to be dragging particularly slowly. Rain discourages any sort of outdoor activity. We are stuck in a small sitting room. Elizabeth, Martha, and Cicely have decided to join our group as well. Ann and Charlie seem to hold everyone's attention as they discuss wedding plans.

"So I was going to go with a silk sash, but I think we agreed that it would make the dress too extravagant for my simple tastes. I guess all those years of being plain permanently altered my opinions."

Everyone laughs restrained at Ann's small joke—everyone except Adalea that is. I notice the way she seems to be lost in her own thoughts. She bites her nails and stares out the window longingly. As the rest of the group socializes, I find myself following Adalea's lead. Soon I am figuratively back in the realms with Kartik.

A sharp elbow to my ribs pulls me out of my daze. "What?" I ask embarrassed.

"I asked you if you think we should settle down here or in America. Although, I am sure your answer is biased." Ann's smile is far too big and it looks almost awkward on her usually down turned face. I love Charlie for bringing out this side of her.

"I would assume all of our answers are biased. Ann, you know I would love it if you were near to my home, but it is your decision. Charlie, where would you like to live?"

"Anywhere with Ann is heaven."

"You two are making me sick," Felicity fake gags.

"No, I am serious. I told Ann that I will buy a home anywhere she wants. As long as it is with me." Charlie winks at Ann and she beams.

Cicely, Martha, and Elizabeth all sigh at his kindness. Adalea looks at him like he is some type of joke. Felicity wears the same ridiculous expression as me—a mix between disgust and admiration.

Soon Cecily and her followers leave us amongst ourselves. It's as if their absence relaxes us all. The pressure of proper civility is gone. Soon we are all laughing at Charlie's far too improper jokes. None of us bother to stifle our joy the way we have been taught to. For the first time in a long time, I just let go of my pain and enjoy myself.

At one point, I catch Felicity's eye. The color has returned to her face. Her eyes sparkle again. She looks happy. And that makes me happy.

As the day passes more people begin to leave. Ann and Charlie escape to find something to eat, though we all know that they will be gone for other reasons. The tension returns to the room as soon as Ann is gone. I feel too happy to deal with an argument between Adalea and Fee.

"Well ladies," I announce after sitting in silence for some time, "I must go get some writing done. I promised Mr. Carter that I would write while I am away. Be nice please." And with that I escape the tension to find something more exciting to occupy my time.

**Felicity**

The door swings shut behind Gemma leaving me with Adalea. I am in far too good a mood to deal with her usual mood swings. I stand to leave, but she stops me with her plea.

"Don't go. I will be good, I promise." She grins at me and wiggles her eyebrows. I laugh at her absurdity and sit back down, arms folded across my chest. I wait for her to say something.

"Hmm I guess you are waiting on me to say something clever, right?"

"That was the idea."

"I'm all out of clever things to say. Sorry."

"So, pray tell me, what are we going to talk about?"

"Anything you want."

"And what is it I want to talk about?"

"Something tells me you want to ask about my past, present, or future."

"Is that something you learn in America?"

"What?"

"Learning to answer a question without really answering anything."

"It's not an American thing. I like to talk nonsense."

"Some people would call that liking to hear yourself talk." I jokingly mock.

"And what is so wrong about that? I don't understand why people criticize others for confidence. I personally feel that whatever I say, no matter how pointless it is, is right."

"Now, you see Adalea that is a problem because I am always right. How can we both be right all the time?"

"It's simple really. You, Felicity, are right in your own mind. And I am right in my mind. So we are both right…in our minds. And that right there is all that really matters."

"So where is true morality then?"

"In law."

Adalea's view of the world is so innocent and untainted by reality. I am intrigued. "Ok, I am interested now. So tell me, what is right to you?"

"Freedom. Justice. Love."

"That's all?"

"Don't you get it? That is all there needs to be. If I were truly free, I would be able to live as I please. There would be no one trying to make me live and behave a certain way. And with a true justice system, those who infringed on others' freedoms would be punished. And those who did wrong would also be rightly punished."

Adalea pauses here. I hold my breath and wait to hear what she has to say about love. "And love," She continues, "Well love is the only thing that has the power to redeem and heal. Love is everything and nothing at the same time. It is what causes someone to act out irrationally. It has the power to destroy and to fix. Love is—"

"You sound like someone who has never been in love?"

"You sound like a critic."

"I'm not a critic at all. I know what love is, and it is nothing like that. Just because it has the power to do all those things, doesn't mean it does. To be completely honest, love is awful. It always ends badly and then you are left with a gaping hole in your heart."

"Like I said, you are a critic."

"Believe what you want. If you actually had ever been in love, you would agree with me."

"Well, I don't see what is so bad about your philosophy either." When I just stare at her confused, she continues. "I mean, isn't it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? And even if you did lose that love, at least you will never have that problem again. You can't break a broken heart."

I am stunned silent. Adalea has beat me at an argument that I am an expert on. She has completely taken my sad sorrow that I have revolved around and turned it to something good.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Of course you are…in your head." Adalea laughs. I cringe at her defeat.

"Who broke your heart?" She asks after a moments pause.

"I can't tell you that."

"Sure you can. You just won't."

"Alright then. Adalea, I will not discuss this with you. Now or ever."

"Then don't. Do what you want. But, I promise you that you will feel better if you talk about it."

"I do talk about it, just not with people who don't know me or my life."

"And how am I supposed to know your life if you don't tell me about it?"

"Maybe I don't want you to know my life."

"I think you are just scared. You're scared to open up to someone other than Gemma. And you are scared of me."

"You know what Adalea? I was in a great mood until you had to try to pry into my life again. What is with you?"

"I want to know you."

"Why?" I ask, my voice reaching all new heights.

"Because you are stubborn and rude and obnoxious. And for some reason, I can't stay away."

My breath catches in my throat. Her hands fly to her mouth like they are trying to push the words back in. I shake my head trying to rid of the words as well.

"How about this?" I ask. "How about we forget you ever said that?"

"That sounds great. But, does that mean we are going to go back to hating each other?"

I stand to leave and take two steps toward the door. I turn around for a brief second and reply, "Not hate. We tolerate each other." The door slams shut behind me. I smile because I now know what I must do to get my revenge.


	24. Chapter 24

**Gemma**

_Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet the end_

_Whisper, Evanescence_

I am not really sure what happened between Adalea and Felicity but they have been avoiding each other all night. Adalea looks embarrassed every time Felicity walks anywhere even remotely close.

Today has been one of the best days I have had in a long time. Time seems to slow to a stop once night falls. By the time it is actually time for us to enter the realms, I can barely focus enough to summon the door. The bright light of the realms stings my tired eyes.

We run to the tree as fast as we can. Felicity beats us all since she opted out of a corset tonight. When my hands grip the hard bark I fall immediately into the darkness. The cold musty air has already become a second home to me.

"Kartik?" I call into the distance. When no one answers I become exceedingly worried. The tears burst forth and stream down my face. Suddenly the tree is illuminated. Kartik has his strong back towards me as he focuses on the light. For the first time I notice my surroundings. Grass covers the ground like a blanket. The tree is huge. There is enough space in diameter for both of us to lay with our arms out without touching the bark.

Kartik turns his head slowly. "Hello beautiful," he says smiling.

"Hello handsome," I smile right back. "You going to come kiss me or what?"

"You don't have to ask twice." The tree darkens and for a second I loose track of him. Suddenly, his hands are on my shoulders. He leans in and lays a small kiss on the corner of my mouth. "You missed," I laugh.

"Sorry." And then his lips hold mine perfectly. We kiss until I can't breath. When we stop, I try to remember what my name is.

"Gemma, I don't want to be the one who has to do this, but I need to talk to you about something serious."

"Yes?" I ask—furrowing my eyebrows for emphasis.

"Your friend, Adalea, do you trust her?"

"I'm not sure yet. Why?"

"I just can feel her thoughts and desires and they are a little different is all."

I ponder what this could mean. He continues, "It isn't necessarily bad, it is just unexpected."

"You are going to have to tell me if you want me to do something about it."

"I know. I just feel like I shouldn't. Because it is her business, you know? I am not supposed to intrude in her mind."

"Ok. Then don't tell me. Should I be concerned?"

"No. But I can't say the same for Felicity."

"What?" What could Fee have to do with Adalea?

"Adalea has the power of the realms."

"What?" I ask for the second time.

"She can enter the realms on her own. I mean if she wants to try it."

The magic has taken root in Adalea. I don't know if I am excited or scared of this realization. It is selfish, but I really liked being the only one who can enter.

"Gemma, what are you thinking about?"

"I'm just confused. What does this have to do with Felicity?"

"She wants to have the power. I thought that would upset her. Tell me if I am mistaken."

Kartik is right. Felicity is going to be really upset. "So what can I do?"

"I guess you can try to keep her from knowing?"

"How?"

"Don't tell her."

"Listen, I don't want to talk about this right now. Just kiss me…please?" I beg. His warm lips lead mine slowly until he grunts and pulls away.

"They are ready."

"Already?"

"Unfortunately."

I start to focus on returning, but Kartik suddenly grabs my arm. "Before you go, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Kiss me." I do not hesitate. I trace my tongue along his upper lip before pulling away. "Love you," I whisper as I disappear.

**Felicity**

I smile as the images fade into the real world around me. I try to pull my hand away quickly before replacing it with my other hand. The images do not return. Adalea and Ann are still lost in their own personal heavens. Gemma is not physically here like the others. Here their bodies stand limp, peeled over into the tree. Gently I touch Ann's arm in hopes of pulling her out of the trees spell. She does not budge.

I sit down—back against the tree—and wait for the others. Soon enough Adalea pulls her hand from the tree and looks around confused. When she notices me sitting with my knees pulled into my chest for warmth, she scoots closer. We sit, her left leg pressed gently against my right. In any other scenario I would have avoided the contact, but I forgot my cloak and it is very cold.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Adalea awkwardly announces.

"Don't be. I wasn't offended."

"Regardless of how you feel, it was wrong of me to try to provoke you in to telling me about your past."

I consider my choices of response very carefully. After running through my options, I decide on the nicest one I have. "Don't worry about it. We were talking about love and it was destined to come up."

"And then I pushed you. Why won't you just accept my apology?"

"I thought I did." Adalea has nothing left to say. We sit in our own silence. Her warm leg is a reminder that I am really here, that I have not actually dissolved into nothingness. I fear leaving this moment because I know what tonight's dream will bring.

Suddenly Ann is with us. I pull my leg away from Adalea's quickly in hopes of avoiding Ann's critical eye. I go unnoticed.

"Looks like we are waiting on Gemma again," Ann smiles out of breath. "I wonder what she and Kartik do in that dark tree."

The laughter bursts forth in the most unladylike fashion. Adalea just raises an eyebrow at Ann and smiles.

"Honestly Ann, do you not know what they are doing in there?" Adalea urges.

"Well I doubt they do _that _all the time."

The laughs stop briefly and I regain my composure. "Ann darling, if you hadn't seen Charlie in seven years do you honestly believe that you would spend your time talking?"

My question goes unanswered as Gemma appears before us. Fortunately she is fully clothed. I guess she has mastered dressing in the dark. She smiles at us and we all begin to make our way home.

My bed calls to me as soon as we enter the East wing. I can practically hear my pillow whispering my name. I fight with my eyelids to stay open as we head back to our rooms in silence. When I enter the threshold of my room, Gemma steps to follow me in.

"Don't," I say hoarsely. "What I mean is…is that I don't need you tonight."

Gemma looks taken aback, but she smiles and hugs me quickly before running to the comfort of her own bedroom. Once inside, I undress slowly. I find myself looking at the girl in the mirror. She is almost unrecognizable. I remember when my eyes had color in them. I can even remember the time when I would make myself look nice before going to the realms in hopes of hearing Pip call me beautiful. Now I have dark rings under my haunted eyes. My hair falls in every direction around my face. When I pull it out of the disheveled bun, it falls around my shoulders awkwardly. The person I have become looks more dead than alive.

I slowly slide my eyes down to my body—a place I haven't actually looked at in over a year. Not much has changed. I'm pretty much the same woman I have been since I was 16. All the running in the realms has tightened my stomach some. My corset does not have to be tied as tight as it did when I first got back from France. I am no natural beauty, but I will have to make do with what I have.

Finally, I cannot put off sleep any longer. I slide under my covers and close my eyes. Secretly, I pray that the dream I know is coming, doesn't. It does.

The smoke catches in my throat and burns my sensitive eye. I glance into the rising smoke that darkens the sky above the forest. My thoughts are stopped as Philon and the others make a pile of all the weapons they have in possession.

"What is the best approach?" Gemma asks, fiercely prepared.

Philon replies coolly, "They ride toward the Boderlands." I gasp loudly. "Pip," I cry out to no one in particular. Kartik looks at me with a sense of doom marking his face. "You can't save her."

"Don't tell me what I cannot do," I fire back. Gemma grips my arm tightly and pulls me away from the others. "Felicity, we must go to the Winterlands as soon as possible. We can see Pip later."

"But that may be too late! She doesn't know what she's up against. We have to warn her!" I cry out.

Ann mutters something about Pip in the distance, but all I can think about is those ghastly creatures getting a hold of her.

"I'm sorry," Gemma says. She turns away, afraid to face me.

"You're cruel!" I scream at her as she walks away. I start to cry the type of tears that catch in my throat and cause wails of sorrow. I cannot bare the thought of leaving Pip to die. Ann marches to me and tries to sooth the ache.

"I am leaving," I state. "Don't tell Gemma." I am in the boat floating down shore as Ann stands on the shore. She becomes a small speck in the distance until she has completely disappeared.

When I reach the edge of the Borderlands, all is too silent. I step through the thick brush hesitantly, suddenly feeling like I have made a horrible mistake. I hear the murderous calls of Bessie and Mae. Before I can brace myself for a fight, I am tackled down by Bessie. She hits me hard in the cheek and then pulls me up. Soon, Mae has my arms behind my back and they escort me to the castle.

They throw the doors open and toss me to the ground at Pippa's feet. I scan my eyes up slowly. When they reach her face, I see that the change has finally taken place. Her cheeks are marked with war paint—berry juice. Her perfect eyes change from violet to white in the light.

"Bessie, go back to your spot at once. Mae, I would like your help for a moment. Felicity dear, how would you like to follow me up to the tower?"

"Listen Pip I cam to warn you of the Winterlands creatures. They are coming and we have to leave before they reach us."

"They are no match for me. I thought you of all people would know that."

"Pippa, I am serious. They could kill us all."

Pippa nods once at Mae and soon I am dragged towards the stairs. She has me by my arms and is yanking me up. Pippa follows close behind."

"Ouch," I yelp as Mae tightens her grip.

"Mae, not so rough with her." Mae's grip loosens. When we reach the top of the tower there is one chair in the middle of the room. Mae throws me into it and ties me up.

"Thank you Mae. Return to your spot."

"Yes, mistress."

"I am sorry Felicity, I truly am. But, soon enough you will understand why I did this. I can't have you ruining all my plans, now can I?"

"Pip, we have to get out of here. We are going to die," I moan desperately.

"I have to make one more sacrifice. Then, we will be safe. I will do it as quickly as possible, I promise." She paces toward the window. In the distance I can hear the sounds of my friends being herded toward the castle as well. For once I am grateful that Ann betrayed me.

"I guess I should have known your friends would come looking for you. Not for long, if I have my way. Now Felicity, I am going to have to gag you so you do not make noise. I am sorry. Don't worry too much though, I won't hurt Ann. Though, I can't say the same for Gemma."

"No!" I screech just as Pip's hand shoves a large piece of clothing into my mouth. My screams are muffled.

Below me I can hear chaos ensuing. Gemma calls for me. I call back soundlessly. I hear McCleethy offering herself as a sacrifice and then changing her mind. Gemma tries to fight back, but Pippa's magic shakes the whole castle. I hear the chants of sacrifice and then the awful silence of death. The silence is interrupted by violent screams from Ann.

When Ann calms down, I can barely hear the sound of Pip crowning herself queen. My vision is clouded with tears. Suddenly, Bessie is at my side. She pulls the gag out and unties me from the chair. Soon we are in the midst of all the madness.

Pippa kisses Ann lightly on the forehead and I find myself a little jealous. "Ann, darling, why do you shake so? Are you cold?"

Ann whispers, "Y-yes. Cold."

"Do you believe, darling? Do you believe that I am the chosen one?"

"Yes," Ann nods.

I search my mind for a solution to this problem. Gemma must stay alive at all costs. And I honestly don't want Ann to die either. Before me Gemma confronts Pippa, Pippa threatens to take us to the Winterlands. It is time I make a sacrifice for my friends.

I run to Pip and take her cold hands in my own. "Pippa, if I eat the berries, if I stay with you, will you let them go?"

"Felicity!" Gemma shouts. I look at her and smile—a goodbye smile that breaks my heart. "Will you? Will you let them go?" I ask.

Pippa's eyes linger on violet for a moment. She leans in to me and kisses me gently on my forehead. The contact feels so right. Far too quickly, she pulls away. "No," she says harshly.

The sound of my hurt is audible to everyone. "Pip, you don't understand; they'll hurt you," I beg.

"I ma more powerful than they are! They don't frighten me, I am the way! I am the one! Bessie, we need another volunteer," Pippa demands of her servant. The factory girls pull Gemma up forcefully. Pip places berries in Gemma's hands. "Eat, for I am the way."

Instead of eating, Gemma closes her eyes and focuses. I can feel the shift in the air as she draws on the magic. Pippa grabs tight to Gemma's arms. They are locked together in a violent embrace. And then a look of pure despair crosses Pippa's beautiful face. My heart shatters.

"Let me go," she croaks. "Let me go."

"Only if you let us go," Gemma replies.

Pippa throws her arms out and suddenly Gemma is against the wall. "Stop," she shouts. Pippa unleashes another blow. Gemma is pulled back up to the wall. The vines cross her and tug trying to capture her.

"Pippa!" I shout.

"I am the way!" She shouts back.

I grab my sword and swing it as hard as I can at Pippa. The flat end of it sends Pip to the ground. "Fee?" She asks, eyes wide. A drop of blood falls from her arm onto the floor. The castle starts to crumble around us. The others struggle to get out. Pip stands up and stares at the shattering stone around her.

"Pip," I shout. "Pip, come away from there." She does not come. She smiles and lifts her arms. She is the most terrifyingly beautiful thing in existence. "There is nothing to fear! I am the way!" She whispers assumingly to herself.

"Pip! Pip!" I scream as someone pulls me out of the castle. I watch hopelessly as the vines pull Pippa to the ground. "No! I am the way!" She bellows. And the great ancient stones rain down on Pippa. She does not resurface.

My eyes fly open and I am in my dark room. Sweat covers my whole body, soaking me with salt. My throat hurts. I must have been screaming. I am instantly happy that Gemma isn't here to see this. I curl back up into a ball and thank God that it is over. For the first time in a couple of weeks, I fall into a deep sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Gemma**

May 11, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_Bathing in the afterglow  
A chance at luck and pride  
Where we end up we can never know  
And all I know is we seem to be  
Changing, better to turn and walk away  
Fading, all these lights just turn to grey  
Changing, better to turn and walk away  
But the strange thing  
Is that I don't feel a thing_

_Changing, Saosin_

The sun light peeks through my window and I cringe at the realization that morning is already here. Last night was not a good night as far as sleep goes. It took me entirely too long to fall asleep and by the time I did, I was startled awake by the blood curdling screams from next door. When I left my room to help Felicity, I realized that the whole hall had heard the noises. Everyone wanted a peek into Fee's room. I was then stuck explaining to the others that she has nightmares sometimes and that I would check on her. Little do they know, I did not.

I could hear the sobs through the door and decided it best to leave her alone. She would not want me to see her like that. So, I went to bed. But of course, I would also be haunted by dreams. In my dream Adalea entered the realms on her own and turned all my friends against me. In the end, Gorgon crowned her the new Most High. I was left to die a sad and lonely death while she ruled.

I was just falling back asleep when the sun beamed through my window. Now, I have a long day ahead of me and no desire to move from the sanctity of my sheets.

Once out of bed, dressed, and ready for my day, I stop in to check on Fee. She notices my entrance and smiles the most genuine smile I have seen in years. I cannot help but return the gesture. I step closer and notice that her eyes have a little bit more color in them and that she no longer has dark rims underneath them.

"Sleep well?" She asks cheerfully.

"Sure did," I lie. "What about you? Did you have anymore dreams?"

"I did. But, I am optimistic because that should be one of the last bad ones. I feel refreshed and revived. I wonder what they are serving for breakfast. I am absolutely famished."

"Fee, before we leave, I must warn you. You were screaming in your sleep last night. The whole hallway was woken up. I am sure some people will question you today about your nightmare. I just want you to be prepared."

"Thank you Gemma. It is nice to know that you always are looking out for me. I will just have to make up some silly excuse." She glides towards me and hugs me tightly. And then, in typical Felicity fashion, she marches off with her head held high.

The day is one of those dead ones that seem to never end. By noon we are all twiddling our thumbs and watching the paint dry on the students' canvasses.

I am nearly knocked out of my chair with fear when Mrs. Nightwing throws open the doors hurriedly. She rushes over to our small groups and begs to see her in her office straight away.

The four of us climb the staircase to Nightwing's office in silence. I honestly have no idea what has caused such an outburst from her. When we knock on her office doors, they swing open and Fowlson stands before us. Nightwing sits perched at her desk.

"Fowlson! What are you doing in here?" I exclaim.

"I must speak with you ladies. Take a seat."

Adalea does not move toward a seat. Instead, she stares into Fowlson's long reaching scare. He looks at his feet and clears his throat awkwardly. She realizes her mistake and takes a seat next to me.

"What is going on?" I begin.

"There is a ball tonight in London that some of the more ranked Rakshana will attend. We need to formulate a plan for the evening," Fowlson answers.

Nightwing chimes in, "I have arranged for you to leave for the evening Miss. Carmichael. A carriage will take you to the ball and then back when it is over. Fowlson here, will escort you."

"Am I to go alone then?"

"I am afraid that is the only way to go unnoticed. If any members of the Rakshana see you with the others, they will not talk to you. Whereas, if you are alone, they will converse with you."

"What is my job then?"

Everyone looks to me for the answer. I scan my head to find a plan of action, but I do not know where to begin. I look to Fowlson for guidance.

"Miss. Carmichael, your job is simple. I will point out to you which man is the most important that you talk with. You will then get his attention in some manner. Please do not make a scene. Once you have his attention, flirt and make sure he is interested. At some point, he will ask you where you are staying. You are to tell him at Spence. This should cause him to take more interest in you. Whatever you do, make sure you do not tell him anything to suspect you to be one of us. Make sure he has intentions to call upon you later. That is all you have to do."

"So, basically, I have to woo this man?"

"Yes. Is that too difficult for you?"

"Of course not," Adalea states.

"Won't they know that she is our friend? Hasn't their spy told them about her?" I ask skeptically.

"Actually no," Fowlson assures. I took care of him before he could report to his authorities."

"Do be careful Adalea," Ann begs.

"I will. You do not have to worry about me."

"She is right. I will be watching her all night. We should not run into any complications."

"Ladies, thank you for agreeing to this on such short notice. Adalea, it is time you go get ready. Your carriage leaves in an hour. Best of luck." That is our cue to leave. Outside of Nightwing's office we all stand awkwardly.

"Well Adalea, do come back alive. If you're gone, who am I to fight with?" Felicity's attempt to lighten the mood fails. Ann pulls Adalea into a hug and whispers her goodbye before running down the stairs. I am next so I hug her as well and wish her good luck. Instead of leaving Felicity and Adalea alone to say their goodbyes, I pretend to leave, but hide behind a plant.

They both stand rigid and firm. Felicity looks at her nails. Adalea watches her feet as she shifts her weight from one to the other. They both look like mischievous children who are facing their doom.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye."

"Be safe, please," Felicity says.

"I'll be fine. Why is everyone so worried?"

"Because the Rakshana are not to be played with. They are strong and dangerous. It takes a lot of courage to face them on your own. I…I admire that."

"Is that a compliment? Coming from the proud Felicity Worthington?"

"It was not a compliment. It was a…an afterthought."

"Well you keep telling yourself that. I knew you weren't as horrible as you pretend to be."

"I know you are just as horrible as you pretend not to be."

"That is more like the Felicity I know."

"You don't know me."

"Ah, but I do. Take care of yourself Felicity. I will see you after I go prove all of you wrong."

Adalea bolts down the stairs. I barely have time to move before she notices my eavesdropping. Felicity stands at the top of the stairs with her mouth half open. She looks as if she has just been slapped. I flee before she recovers.

**Felicity**

From my bedroom window, I watch Adalea's carriage prattle through the mud. I cannot help but feel saddened at her departure. For some odd reason, I feel uneasy about her going alone. I fear the worst for her. I shake my head in hopes of dissolving any thoughts of Adalea.

Boredom overpowers me like a flood. Gemma is reading in her own room. Charlie and Ann are up at the chapel talking with Reverend Wyatt about the wedding. I am left to fend for myself. After pacing my room for what feels like hours, I decide to find Little Polly and pull her out of class for awhile.

I find her in French. After a quick and flawless French conversation with the new teacher, I successfully get Polly out of her class. We decide to take tea in one of the many small sitting rooms.

"You know, she most likely would have allowed you to pull me out of class without displaying your French."

"What makes you think that?"

"She has nothing to teach me. A couple of weeks ago I proved to the whole class that my French is better than hers. Since then, she hates me, but gives me what I want. Why else do you think she scowled at you when you started talking?"

"I guess you are right. Although, I do have to say, my French is better than yours. She grimaced mostly because I made her look pathetic again."

"Keep dreaming. Anyway, why did you pull me out anyway? I assume you don't just want to have tea and chat."

I forgot how much Polly notices. She is like a sponge that constantly absorbs the world around her. "You know too much for your age."

"I am not a child, you know."

"But you should be. I am sorry that your innocence was stolen from you." An awkward silence unfolds. The moments pass slowly, leaving me with an empty tea cup.

"I am sure you are bored a lot around here. There is never anything to do."

"It's not too bad. Usually when Gemma, Ann, and Adalea are around, we make use of our time."

"I've seen you four together a lot. Do you even talk to those other girls? You know, the one with a pinched nose and her followers?"

"You mean Cicely?" I laugh.

"I guess. Do you have something against her?"

"We all do. She is kind of obnoxious. Gemma especially hates her."

"Why?"

"Well they have never gotten along. And it just got worse when Gemma's brother Tom proposed to Cicely. Gemma is not too pleased."

"It sounds very complicated."

"You don't even know the half of it."

"I have a personal question to ask you. Is that ok?"

"I guess so."

"Why have you never married?"

I am a little taken aback by this question. I am not sure what to tell her. Honesty just does not seem like the most appealing option. "Well I guess I just have not met the right man."

"Do you think you ever will?"

"No. I don't think there is a man in the world that can ever be good for me."

"That is how I feel. After all that I have been through, I cannot trust men. Honestly, I cannot trust anyone."

"I used to be that way. In some ways I still am." I want to tell Polly everything I have learned in the past 10 years. I want to explain love and rejection. Most of all, I want to explain friendship. "Polly, I am going to tell you something very important. You do not need romantic love from any man. There are always other options. And, I think that friendship is the most important kind of love. Find friends, more than one, that you can be completely open with. It is within them that you will find comfort, companionship, and guidance. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. And I will try."

"Polly, don't just try. Do it."

"Ok. I promise."

"Good," I state, feeling a little victorious. Polly takes the last sip of her tea and looks at me for an answer. Her expression says "Am I free to go?" So, I thank her for the time and dismiss her.

Come nightfall, we are all anxious to hear news about Adalea. Nightwing agrees that Gemma, Ann, and I can sit up and wait for her return. We all pace the Main Hall in silence. When the front doors finally open, Fowlson's grim face greets us. Adalea steps in behind him.

She is wearing an extremely beautiful purple dress. Her corset is tied tighter on her lower back to push her breasts up and out. Her cloak hides her face. When the hood drops, I see that her hair is tied up elegantly. Her beauty catches us all a little off guard.

"You look beautiful," Ann exclaims.

"Thank you."

"How did it go? You weren't discovered?" Gemma asks.

"Everything went as planned. I met one of the Rakshana men. His name is Nick Walsh. I managed to convince him to see me again. He said he will call on me sometime this week. He was very fascinated when I told him that I am staying at Spence. He knows nothing of my involvement with all of you."

"Can you be sure?" I ask skeptically.

"I am positive. Have you no faith in me?"

"We trust you, but we just worry. But we owe you a thank you."

"Well it was my pleasure. So when are we going to the realms?"

"Now, I guess. Fowlson, thank you so much for your services."

"Anytime. I will be watching," he states as he turns to leave. Soon the four of us are running through the realms excitedly.

**Gemma**

Kartik holds me in his arms tightly, securely. His hold on me cannot be broken. The ground is soft around us—the grass prickles at my cheek. His skin smells of cinnamon and smoke, just as I remember him. The only sounds around us are the strong breaths issuing from both of our mouths. Suddenly I remember Ishmael and his stories.

"Kartik?"

"Hmm."

"Do you remember a young boy named Ishmael?"

"You know Ishmael?" He asks puzzled.

"Yes. I met him a few days back. He was telling me stories about you."

Kartik laughs a deep, throaty chuckle. "Oh really, should I be concerned?"

"Yes. You should. He told me all of your embarrassing stories."

"I don't get embarrassed."

"Not even about me?" I ask seriously.

"I would never be embarrassed by you, Gemma. You are the most incredible woman that has ever existed. You make me believe in God. I cannot believe that something as perfect as you was not carefully crafted by an awesome and powerful God."

I have no reply to this. I just tighten my grip and pull him closer. "Gemma, will you promise me something?"

"Anything," I whisper.

"Don't let me be the reason you spend the rest of your life sad and alone."

"What makes you think that you are the reason I am alone? And who said I am sad?"

"You won't commit to Mr. Carter because of me. And you were sad before you came back here. I saw it in your soul."

"Kartik, I don't think that I can make that promise."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both."

"Then what are we doing here?"

"We are together!" I say as I push him away from me.

"And it is just going to hurt more when it ends!"

"Why are you so dead set on it ending? Why can't you just let me be here with you?" I shout. My body shivers in the cold. I miss the contact of his skin. Kartik sits up on his knees and scoots closer to me.

"You don't belong in a tree."

"Neither do you," I murmur.

"I know," Kartik whispers as he leans in and kisses my forehead.

"What if…what if I can get you out of here?"

"How?"

"What if someone else comes in?"

"Like a sacrifice?"

"A willing sacrifice."

"Then I will cross the river and wait for you. But, you have to find one first."

"I will," I promise. My lips search the dark for Kartik's. When they find their target, I sigh into his mouth. The kiss deepens. Soon we are breathing heavily into each others faces.

"Bloody hell!" Kartik suddenly shouts.

"Wh-what is it?"

"They are waiting on you."

"Let them wait," I slur between kisses. I don't know how much time has passed while we kiss, but it feels like both an eternity and a second at the same time. I lose all sense of time in Kartik's kiss.

"Hey…now they are really waiting."

"One more?" I pout. He kisses me one last time, and then jumps up. He gives me his hands and pulls me to my feet.

"I love you, Gemma Doyle."

"I know," I tease as he fades from my sight.

The others all give me dirty looks as I appear before them. Ann, for some reason, is blushing through her huffs and puffs in my direction.

"Gemma, dear, I can speak for all of us when I say that it is far too cold out here to be waiting on you to finish lying back and thinking of England all over the ground inside that God forsaken tree," Felicity scolds.

"I was doing nothing of the sort," I exclaim. "Besides, since when is that any of your business?"

"Since we have to stand in the cold air waiting for you."

"Is this true? Ann? Adalea? Do you have any problems with my time spent in the tree?"

Adalea immediately nods. Ann, a little nervous to be stuck in the middle of Fee and me, stutters her way through a statement about the cold. They win. "Alright, I will try not to leave you waiting again."

"That is all we ask," Adalea says.

And with that, we all head back toward the garden.

**Felicity**

Though I know tonight's dream won't be a happy one, I am almost eager to fall asleep only because I know this should be the end of the Pippa haunting. When sleep does find me, it is the fretful and light type that leaves no room for dreams. I refuse to lose my chance at this dream, so I steal downstairs to the kitchen in hopes of some tea. When I enter the kitchen, another candle is burning. At first I think it is Gemma perched at the table, but as I approach I see that it is Adalea.

"What are you doing here?" I ask suspicious.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same."

"Tea?"

"Yes please," I answer. Adalea pours me a glass as I sit on the stool across from her. I take a sip cautiously, worried what type of poison could be in it. I taste the mint flavor of Peppermint, my favorite. "You like peppermint?" I ask.

"It's my favorite. Do you?"

"I love it."

"We finally found something we have in common. It only took a series of arguments, a few somewhat civil conversations, and over a week of forced proximity." I smile and even laugh a little. It feels entirely wrong, like my face is contorted at the effort. "No offense Felicity, but when you laugh, you look so awkward."

"Just because you say no offense, doesn't mean I won't take offense."

"I didn't mean it as a bad thing. It is just very strange," Adalea justifies to herself.

"Did it occur to you that maybe laughter in itself makes people look ridiculous?"

"It does; I have noticed that before. Have you ever laughed so hard that you almost went to the bathroom in your petticoats?"

I laugh at the memory. "Can you keep a secret?" I ask. Adalea nods and leans closer. "One time, back when Ann, Gemma, Pip, and I were still young and naïve, we were in the realms and we were all laughing at the most absurd creations we could make with the magic. And I could not hold it in. I peed all over myself." The words barely even come out on account of my rapid, short spurts of booming laughs.

"You did not!" Adalea exclaims.

The laughter tears begin to fall as I clench at my suddenly aggravated stomach. "I did! But I used the magic to clean it up before anyone could notice." Suddenly Adalea is giggling too. We both have a terrible case of hysterics that will not go away. Every time we make eye contact, the guffaws increase. Finally, out of exhaustion, the laughs turn to sighs. Adalea's cheeks gleam in the candle light from the water leaking through her eyes.

"Alright your turn," I state as I clear the moisture of my face with my sleeve.

"My turn for what?"

"You have to tell me a secret. One that no one else knows."

Adalea sighs as she ponders. In that thick head of hers, I imagine thousands of secrets rolling around. "Well let's see. What type of secret do you want to know? An embarrassing one like yours? Or a serious one?"

"Serious," I answer.

"Alright. But I war you now, this is a secret that was never mean to be told. Once, when I was just a child, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night to meet a friend. We thought it would be fun to walk the city at night. Well we stumbled upon a group of older men and they said that they would give us an all exclusive tour of New York City. And being young girls, we believed them. They led us down a dark alley and started grabbing at us. There were three of them and two of us. I tried to scream, but one of them stifled it with his hand.

"We were too young to understand what they were doing, but we knew it was wrong. Anyway, one of them was trying to hold me and tear at my clothes while the other two had Lizzy, my friend. In my shoe, I had brought a knife just in case. I pulled it out of my shoe and stabbed the guy who was tearing at the clothe on my stomach. I stabbed him in his gut, and he fell back. One of the other guys noticed and pulled a dagger out of his belt. He lunged at me, and I ran. I ran and ran. I got home safely."

"And, and what about Lizzy?" I ask, scared to know the answer.

"Her body was found the next morning," Adalea states. She stares over my shoulder, in to the darkness behind me. Her voice is cold and her eyes shine with waiting tears.

"I'm sorry." For the first time in my life, I wish I had more to say, more to comfort with. The tears spill over the long lashes and she tries to blink them back.

"I-I killed her."

"That's not true. It is not your fault at all. You need to know that."

"But, it should have been me. I was the one who wanted to go out at night!"

"And your life was spared."

"I made the wrong choice."

"Adalea, listen. Someone very wise once told me that there are no right choices, only different ones. You did what you could. It is not your fault."

"If I could go back, I would change it all."

"I know," I coo as I scoot closer. My hand creeps up her back and soothes motherly. Her back shakes against me as the sobs burst through. "We all wish we could go back."

Adalea looks up at me hopefully. I can see the torture in her eyes. "What do you wish you could go back to?"

"Seven years ago, when it was Gemma, Ann, Pip, and I just out to change the world. Back then I had so much determination and fiery. I knew what I wanted and I never backed off from my goals. I was so sure of myself. I wish I could regain that sense of confidence."

"What changed you?"

"Pippa."

"How?"

"She taught me how to love. And then she betrayed me. She was my best friend. I told her everything and somewhere along the line, that was not enough. She stopped telling me things. And then she became corrupt."

"How did she die?"

"The walls of her castle fell on her. I mean how ironic is that?" I ask angrily. "Her own need to have power kills her! It sounds like some stupid Shakespearean tragedy!"

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

We are silent as we both reflect on our pasts. I think of all the deceitful things Pip did to me and try to understand why I still love her—why I ever loved her. Even before she was corrupt, Pippa was obnoxious and obsessed with her ridiculous fantasies of love.

"Felicity?"

"Yeah?"

"I needed this."

"What?"

"I needed to discuss what happened that night. I needed to make sense of it all. I'm glad it was with you."

"To be honest, Gemma would have comforted you a lot better. She's an expert."

"But she's no you."

"What's so special about me?"

"I can relate to you. I don't know why, but I could sense it the moment I saw you. That's mostly why I pushed you away. I figured that if you are anything like me, I needed to run while I had a chance."

"And how do you feel now?"

"Like I was stupid."

"You were."

"Thanks."

We smile. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. I look into Adalea's dark eyes. In the light of the candles it seems like they are melting to a shade of honey. It strikes me as familiar until I realize it is because I saw the look in my dream about her. Her long lashes are still damp with tears. Her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth delicately. I imagine her as a vampire, like she was in my dream. Her lips are so red that I can easily picture them coated in blood. For a split second I imagine her lips on my neck—her hot breath tickling my skin. I shake the thought out.

"What?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you shaking your head?"

"Oh sorry. I was just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Vampires." Adalea chuckles and looks at me puzzled. "Never mind. It's getting late. I think I'm going to head to bed. I will see you tomorrow." I stand and turn to leave.

"Fee?"

I turn slowly and nod once. Adalea opens her mouth and then closes it. "Never mind. Goodnight."

"Night," I say as I leave.


	26. Chapter 26

**So I originally forgot to put this chaoter in. If you were confused, I am sorry. But this is the real chapter 26.**

**Felicity**

May 12, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in  
Because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside  
Share with me the secrets that you kept in  
Because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside  
And your slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that your scared like me so  
Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know we're unprepared  
But I don't care_

_Vulnerable, Secondhand Serenade_

The dream never came. I wake to the sounds of birds chirping outside my window. The memories from last night flash before me like some magic lantern show. It suddenly hits me that things have really changed. Adalae and I are _friends._ I remember all the promises I had made to myself to never be her friend. I laugh at the thought of my revenge. I cannot imagine hurting Adalae—not now, not after she told me about her childhood.

I am pulled out of my mind by a small knock on the door. "Come in," I shout. Expecting it to be Gemma, I choose not to cover my indecent clothing with my sheets. But, it is not Gemma at the door. Adalae steps in cautiously, looking around at my mess as she creaks through the room. Her eyes finally dart to my bed and she smiles at what I am assuming is my untamed hair. Suddenly I am aware of how I must look—wild hair, bags under eyes, and in my under garments.

Adalae's eyes scan down my body and she laughs. I pull my sheets over my head. "Nice hair," Adalae comments.

"Nice face," I fire back.

"You really should start getting ready. We have a big day ahead of us."

I have no idea what Adalae is talking about. Last I heard, today is going to be just like every other boring day in this school. "What are you talking about?"

"We are going into town to get fitted for our gowns for the balls."

"I already have a gown. I have no desire to go to town." I pull my pillow over my head and try to block out life.

"You don't want to buy a new one?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I have more than enough gowns."

"You can never have too many gowns."

"Yes, you can."

"Oh, come on. At least come with us. It will be fun."

"It will," Gemma chimes as she enters my room. I know I cannot win the argument against them both.

"Fine, I will go. But, I am not going to buy a dress. I will stop at my father's house and look through all my old dresses. I have many that I never wore."

"Don't be silly, Fee. Those are highly out of style. If you don't want to buy a new dress, I will buy you one," Gemma insures.

"I have the money to buy one. I just bought one when I was here last year that I never wore."

"You were in London last year?"

"For a week. I came to get the last of my stuff out of my father's house. But, I left all the dresses that I didn't want." I crawl out of the comfort of my bed and change behind the cover. While Gemma patters on about our day. When I emerge, Adalae is gone and Gemma is pinching her cheeks in my mirror.

I run a brush through my hair and pull it into a loose bun. "Alright, let's go get some breakfast."

The shops are filled with women buying and fitting gowns in preparation for the Spence ball. Martha is having a hard time finding a dress that fits over her pregnant stomach. I cannot bear one more minute of all these gowns and women and high pitched voices. I step outside and call a cab.

Adalae crawls in behind me. "You're coming?" I ask skeptically.

"If you will have me?"

I smile and give the driver the destination. Adalae is silent as the horses pull us toward my old home. I am lost to the world of my imagination. I find myself in the realms listening to the tree whisper all its sweet promises. Soon, I imagine myself being a leader of the realms, being the elected official. I am pulled from my power trip when Adalae's hand grabs mine and squeezes gently.

"It will be ok," she assures.

"I'm not worried." I reply.

"Oh, sorry."

"Did I look worried?"

"Yes."

"Well I am not." We return to silence. Now my thoughts turn to the way Adalae comforted me—to the way her warm hand felt in my perpetually cold one. I struggle to understand what triggered her moment of compassion. Maybe I am worried. Maybe I am scared that he will be home. Or, maybe my overall fear of life is pasted all over my face all the time.

The carriage stutters to a stop in front of the home I left behind long ago. I step out after Adalae and look around interested in the scenery. Since last year, the only real difference is that all the flowers are in bloom. The garden has always been one of my favorite places to play. I remember when Simon Middleton and I used to run through the gardens together and play tag. My stomach aches at the memory.

Adalae and I have no problem getting into the house past the maids. They are the same women who have known me most of my life. My old room is the same as it always was, only empty of my belongings. Adalea plops down on my bed and comments on the size of it.

"It must have been nice to have this much money growing up."

"I suppose," I mutter as I search my wardrobe.

"What was it like?"

"Hmm?"

"Growing up in a place like this?"

I continue my search through all the gowns I tried to put in my past. "I guess it was interesting. But I wouldn't say it was everything people think it is."

"What do you mean?" Adalea asks. The dress I am looking for caresses my fingertips and I pull it out forcefully. Tossing it on the floor, I sit down on my vanity table's chair.

"My childhood was good because I got to attend teas and balls at a very young age. I was always given the best gifts. My parents paid for the best teachers and education before I went to school. But, all the social standing and money comes with a responsibility—an obligation if you may.

"I was expected to be on the most ladylike behaviors at all times. Instead of the love from my parents, I was raised by servants and those who I thought to be inferior. I was groomed to be someone's respectable wife from a young age. I was taught that to shame the family was the greatest sin. Most of all, I had no voice. I had no say in where I went and who I went with. My childhood was cut short, my innocence stolen by the cruel world we live in."

"That is awful," Adalae sympathizes.

"That's life. C'mon. You ready to go?"

Adalae has no time to answer. The door to the room creaks open and my father steps in. "Felicity, you were going to leave without stopping to say hello to me?" He says.

"Hello Father," I say politely. "This is my friend Adalae Carmichael."

"Hello Miss Carmichael. How do you do?" He asks as he kisses her hand gently.

"I do fine. Thank you. How do you do, Admiral Worthington?"

"Excellent. Thank you." He turns his head toward me and smiles the same a fake smile that haunts my sleep. "You look well daughter. It has been so long. What brings you to London?"

"A Spence reunion."

"Ah. How is Polly?" He asks with s sneer.

"She's fine," I spit with more anger than I meant to employ.

"Miss. Carmichael, do you mind leaving me alone with my daughter for a few minutes? There is some tea in the main parlor." Adalae looks to me for a solution. I nod once and she leaves me alone with this monster.

"She's beautiful," he mutters as he pushes me onto the bed.

"Please don't," I beg.

"You need to be punished for being such a bad child. You had the nerve to come into my home and leave before saying hello to me, your dear father."

"I am not a child."

"No, you most definitely are not," he says as his hand cups my breast.

"Get your hands off of me!"

"Oh, why so hostile? I know you love it when I touch you like this." His hand slides down my stomach. I am thankful for my restricting corset. He cannot remove my clothes while I am on my back. And I will not roll over for him. "Roll over, beautiful woman."

"No." His strong hands grab me tightly and try to force me over. "I will scream," I warn.

"Why would you do that? You have never done it before."

"I was a child before. I will though. I will tell everyone what you have done to me. Father, get off of me. I am not some whore you can take whenever you want."

"That's right," he says as he kisses my neck. "You only work at the Moulin Rouge and have romantic relationships with women. Don't give me that look, child. I know what you have been doing in France. You have shamed my good name in more ways then one."

"And you Father, are to blame for it."

"I am to blame for your disgusting attraction to women?" He asks as his hands pull at my waist in an attempt to push me onto my stomach.

"Yes. I hate men because of you."

"I hadn't realized you felt that way. You are an abomination, child." He grabs my arms and pulls me off the bed, throwing me to the floor. Once down, he slaps me hard, stinging my sensitive cheek all the way to my pounding heart. His boot collides with my stomach three times causing me to cough and cry. "You little bitch! Don't you ever threaten me again!"

"He leaves me in a heap on the floor. I sob loudly until the tears do not come anymore. Then, I put myself back together and take my dress downstairs.

"Felicity," Adalae stands at my approach. "What has taken so long? Are you ok? Have you been crying?"

"I am fine. Let's go." And with that we head back to the shops. Adalae does not try to make me talk about it. Instead, she just holds my hand and squeezes gently every time the tears start to brew.

**Gemma**

"Where have you been?" I exclaim as Adalae and Felicity slide through the shop doors as if they have not been gone for nearly three hours.

"We went back to my old house to pick up my dress."

"And spent three hours there?"

"Yes. I got distracted."

"And I met her father," Adalae admits cheerfully. I look at Felicity with a newfound understanding. Something about the way Fee's eyes are focused on the floor tells me that it did not go well. I wonder just how much Adalae knows. Her happy-go-lucky tone tells me that she knows nothing—or at least that she is pretending to know nothing.

Before I can continue the conversation, Ann struts over to us with Cicely, Martha, and Elizabeth in tow. "Ah. We are all here. Has everyone a dress? Good. Let's go back to Spence. It is getting late, and I miss Charlie very much."

Cicely swoons, "Oh Ann he will just love your wedding dress! It is absolutely exquisite!"

"Thank you," Ann replies smugly. Her newfound confidence suits her well.

"Oh, but how did you like mine Ann?"

"A fool like Thomas will love it. I can assure you of that." And with that, Ann turns her back to them and latches onto my arm before escorting me out of the doors. "Ann, you are much too bold!"

"You are mistaken. Cicely deserves everything she gets."

"I never said she doesn't deserve it; I just said that you are bold." Felicity sneaks up behind us and whispers encouragement in Ann's ear. Ann smiles ear-to-ear.

The four of us file into our carriage and begin the long ride back to Spence. By the time the tall, imposing walls of our old school appear, the sun is setting. The sky is a mixture of deep blues and gold and blood red dusk. As I make my way into the comfort of the sturdy walls of Spence, a dark figure in the distance catches my eye. I look away quickly, but in a second my eyes turn back into the night. The figure is gone.

Shaking any trace of fear from my mind, I enter the school. The sticky, hot air scatters any worries the dark night planted. It is dinner time and we enter the dining hall right as everyone is sitting down to eat. All heads turn at our arrival. The maids have taken our dresses off our hands, but we still look oddly out of place. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I have outgrown Spence. I feel awkward and out of place. Suddenly, I cannot wait to leave these crowded halls.

Dinner goes smoothly. We all laugh and talk about the upcoming weddings and balls. The younger girls stare while we make fools of ourselves. Cicely and her posse sit quietly and bitterly. No one cares.

After dinner, I leave to go up to my room for a while. I have a lot to think about. In two days we will write the constitution and I am really worried about how it will go. I know that Felicity wants some power, some jurisdiction. I also know that it is unfair to hide that fact the Adalae can enter the realms. In my dark room, the fears and worries that I have been suppressing posses me again.

I remember the man standing outside earlier. He was too small to be Fowlson, but too big to be a woman. A stirring in my stomach begins and I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen. To add to my problems, I fear that something happened with Admiral Worthington, and that is the last thing Fee needs right now. She was just getting over her issues.

I know I need to talk with her, and soon. But, is it so wrong of me to just want some time alone? Does it make me selfish that I want to just relax and focus on myself for once?

I am actually very confused when an hour passes and Felicity has not showed up. I figured she would need to talk about it, but I guess I am wrong. I stand and peer out my window. At first I think I see the same dark, looming figure walking towards the woods. When I peer closer, I see that it is two figures—two small figures. I now wonder what two students are sneaking out before vespers. As they disappear, I realize that it cannot be students. It must be some of us older girls.

Confused I head downstairs. Adalae and Felicity are not with the others. "Hey Ann, do you know where Felicity went?"

"She and Adalae went for a walk. I think they are really starting to get along. I like it."

"I think it is awful," I say suddenly angry. I am shocked by my outburst, but it occurs to me that my anger springs from jealousy. I am jealous that Felicity went to Adalae before me with her problems.

**Felicity**

I try to avoid Adalae's probing eyes during dinner. I succeed. When I try to do the same after dinner, I fail. Adalae stares deep into my eyes and I feel that she can see into my soul. She wants answers and I have no choice but to tell her. When Gemma leaves to her room and Ann finds Charlie in a corner, I find my opportunity.

I walk up to Adalae and ask her if she would escort me on a walk on the grounds. Ann objects to our leaving, saying that it is too dark to be outside. We go anyway.

The forest greets us eerily. It is as if the trees know the story I will tell. The forest holds secrets from men and women from all time. It can bare mine.

"If I tell you my biggest secret, can you keep it?"

"Yes," Adalae replies. Her confidence gives me strength.

"My father is not the good man he seems to be. He is passionate. He often falls victim to his own longings and desires."

"What do you mean?"

"He has been with me before. He has…touched me before." Recognition pales Adalae's face. "I'm so sorry," she says sympathetically.

"Don't be. I don't need your pity. I am telling you because you saw too much today. But, now you know why I hate my family. Now you know why I hate myself."

"Why would you hate yourself? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I did everything wrong. It is my fault that he ever wanted me. I have always been far too bold with my actions. And my biggest fault is that he got to Polly because I failed to protect her."

"Felicity, listen to me. No, look at me." I look into her deep, honey colored eyes. "Your father is a sick man. He took advantage of you and made you feel like it was your fault. You are not to blame."

"So I've been told. I wouldn't expect you to understand though." We continue walking until we reach the boathouse. The door creaks open and Adalae takes a seat on the floor. I follow her lead.

"You are right. I don't understand what it must have been like. But I do know what it feels like to feel like everything bad that happens is somehow your fault. It's not though. I promise you Felicity, it is not your fault. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can change the future. Just don't let it happen again."

"You know what the worst part is? The worst part is the power he still has over me. I don't want to disappoint him, but I do. I am a failure in his eyes."

"Then he is blind. How can he not see how remarkable you are?"

"And what have I ever done that is remarkable?"

"You forgave me after I treated your horribly. You stand up for what you believe. You are loving and compassionate to your friends. You are a natural born leader. Felicity, you are one of a kind."

"You can't just point out the good things about me and forget the bad. I am angry and bitter. I am manipulative and condescending. I usually sabotage people's happiness for fun. I love too fiercely, too passionately. I fail more than I succeed. I hold a grudge. I never do anything without some selfish impulse. I can't even love the right people."

Adalae has no response. She just looks at me. Her eyes do that strange melting thing again causing my stomach to flip. "You know what? You're right. Felicity, you are absolutely right. You are a waste of space on this planet. No one loves you. No one even needs you." My vision is blurred by the moisture in my eyes. "Do you honestly believe that?" I nod once.

"Well maybe it's true. But, I refuse to believe it. Gemma needs you. Ann said that you are the reason she is where she is today so she needed you. And I know for a fact that they both love you very much."

"And you?"

"I needed you last night." I stare out into the darkness outside. The lake is smooth and serene. I long to jump into its cold depth and never re-emerge. "Felicity can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure. I have no need to hide from you anymore. You were right. You know me."

"It's true," she says as she scoots closer. I can feel her body heat reverberating off her body. Her face moves closer to mine. My heart accelerates. My thoughts scatter and all that is left is instinct. I wait as her lips slowly descend on mine. Her lips against mine feel new and exciting. Adalae only holds the touch for a split second before she pulls away.

I look into her sheepish eyes. Without another thought, my hand clutches the back of her neck and pulls her lips back. Her lips communicate all the things she left unsaid. I can feel all the passion and confusion funneling through that soft, red mouth. She opens her mouth a little and I can taste peppermint on her breath. My tongue glides across her lower lip and tastes all that is Adalae.

She is so different from Pippa. The way she moves her lips, the way she tastes is a whole different flavor. With Maria, I imagined Pippa. Adalae is herself, and I am ok with that. Out of breath, I pull away. My lips tingle. The longing to be back in her kiss lingers.

"What were you going to ask me?" I say after clearing my throat.

Adalae laughs and looks at me with those melting eyes. "The question does not matter anymore. You already answered it for me." We sit awkwardly for a few minutes while we process what has just happened. My head is in no state to think reasonably. Every thought I have somehow comes back to the kiss.

"We should probably be getting back. It is almost time for vespers."

"Yes…uh…that is probably a good idea."

"Alright then," I say as I stand. We walk back to Spence separately. I fear that if I get too close, I will not be able to refrain from holding her again. I cannot risk others knowing what has happened. At least not until Adalae and I sort it out ourselves.

**Gemma**

The tree stands tall and imposing in the distance. My stomach is in a flurry as we near. For the first time, I am worried to spend time with Kartik. I know that our time is limited. Each time I see him, it is like tearing another piece of my heart. I worry that when this ends, I won't have any heart left.

When I fall into the darkness of the tree, I can sense that something has changed. Kartik sits with his back against the wall—surrounded in light. His knees are pulled to his chest and his fingers grip tightly at his curls.

"Are you ok?" I ask scared that he is hurt. He looks up and smiles at me in obvious pain.

"I will be fine. I just have a headache." Kartik's perfect body stands in one swift motion. His contact with the tree is gone, but the light remains. "I figured it out," he continues.

"I see that. How did you do it?"

"It takes a lot of concentration. That is why I have a headache. The things I do for you," he smiles my favorite grin.

"Kartik, if it hurts, then stop. I don't want you to strain yourself for my benefit." The lights flicker once and then dim to nothingness. I hear a sigh of relief. I take one step forward and feel his arms encircling me. Kartik rests his chin on the top of my head. "I've missed this," he murmurs.

I lay a small kiss on his neck. "Me too."

"So tell me Love, how is life in the real world?" Something in his tone tells me that he is asking mostly about Mr. Carter and any other man in my life.

Avoiding the hidden meaning, I reply, "The same. We bought our gowns for the ball. And Ann showed us her wedding dress. It is stunning." Kartik makes no reply. "And," I continue, "I wrote Mr. Carter."

I know this is what Kartik wanted to hear by the way his body stiffens. I tighten my grip around his neck. "What did you write?" He asks, the tension practically shouting at me. "I told him what I have been doing."

"What have you been doing Miss. Doyle?"

"Besides talking with my dead lover? Oh, you know the usual. I've been visiting other worlds and taking my clothes off for that same dead lover I mentioned before."

"Oh really? What a lucky man!"

"I am the lucky one," I say in a much more serious tone.

"How did I get you?"

"I ask myself the same question every day." Kartik's lips meet with my forehead, then my nose, and then my lips. He pulls away much too sudden.

"We need to talk," he informs me as his eyebrows clench together. I slide out of his warm embrace and curl up against the tree on the ground. He sits next to me.

"Alright. What is it Kartik?"

"Your friend Adalae is not who you think."

"What do you mean," I ask scared of what he knows.

"She flirted with a man of the Rakshana. She knows he is Rakshana too."

"We asked her to do that." I smile at Kartik's ignorance of the situation.

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well that's not all. The tree, as we speak, is showing her the power she can have. I fear the she will find out about her own ability to enter the realms."

"I need to tell her. It is wrong to lie about it. Can she be trusted?" I inquire.

"I think so," Kartik says thoughtfully. "She has no desires to overthrow you or hurt you. She seems to be very loyal actually. I can sense a change in her intentions though. She used to be a little more concerned with getting power for herself. But, I can see that her loyalty to," Kartik pauses.

"Yes?"

"Her loyalty to you seems to make her want to do right by you. I don't think you need to worry."

"Does she have any intentions to hurt or embarrass Felicity?" Kartik's reaction to my question is the furthest thing from what I had imagined. He starts to laugh and pulls me into a playful hug. "Gemma, dear, you should not worry about Adalae's intentions for Felicity. I would not say they are the most righteous, but they aren't harmful."

"What does that mean?" I ask confused.

"They are ready," Kartik says smoothly.

"Tomorrow is my last night for a while. We have to write the constitution."

"I know. I will see you then."

"I can't wait," I promise as I kiss him and disappear.


	27. Chapter 27

**So I messed up originally. I forgot a whole chapter. This is the real Chapter 27. If you have already read this, make sure to go read chapter 26. It will make a lot more sense.**

**Felicity**

May 13, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

_You can never say never  
Why we don__'t know when  
Time, time and time again  
Younger now then we were before_

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_

_Never Say Never, The Fray_

I wake up to the sounds of a peaceful morning. No dreams haunted my already restless sleep last night. I am not begging for a few more minutes beneath the sheets. I feel better than I have in weeks. For a second I feel sad that Pippa did not find me last night, but it passes.

As I dress and prepare for my day, I remember the kiss that Adalae and I shared last night. My stomach tightens and I immediately regret what had happened. At the same time though, I cannot deny the attraction. There was definitely something drawing us together. I realize that we really need to talk because I have many questions.

After a breakfast spent sitting with some of the younger girls, I am shaking with anticipation. Every chance I have to talk with Adalae is interrupted by some one else. Gemma seems to be in my way most of the day. She keeps pestering me to tell her what happened yesterday at my house. Every time I tell her that it was nothing, she comes back stronger. Finally, around night fall, Adalae and I are left alone in a small parlor while Gemma goes on a search for Charlie and Ann.

Instead of immediately jumping into conversation like I had planned, I wander around the room aimlessly.

"What do you want to know?" Adalae finally asks. She is direct and honest in ways I can only hope to be in return.

"What…what happened last night?"

"I think you know as well as I do."

"I mean, are you…are you—"

"Do I prefer the love of women to that of men?"

"Yes," I answer relieved for her intervention.

"No," she states positively.

"Then what was that?" Adalae scoots her chair closer to mine. Her eyes look my up and down as she breathes deeply. "Honestly Felicity, I am not sure. I feel drawn to you. I can't seem to help myself. It is like some magnetic connection. I am fascinated by the person that you are. And last night, I found myself wanting you in a way I have never really wanted anyone."

"So you've never been with a woman before?" I ask.

"No. Nor have I ever been with a man."

This takes me off guard. Adalae, always so captivating and beautiful, has never been with a man. "How is that possible?"

"It's not that they don't take interest in me. I just have never really been attracted to a man. And, before you, there was no woman that I cared this way for either. What do you think that means?"

"I don't know. All I know is that we can't continue this."

Adalae's face crumbles and she looks as if I hit her. "Why not?" She asks, not bothering to hide the hurt in her voice.

"I'm sorry Adalae, but I can't do this with you."

"It's because of Pippa, huh? I knew it! I knew you were more than friends!"

"Well congratulations. You figured it out." My voice is becoming louder with every second. I stop and take some deep breaths before continuing. "I can't be with you Adalae because my heart already belongs to someone else. There is no point. It would be wrong of me to lead you on, no matter how much I would enjoy the companionship."

"So you admit it then? You felt something between us too?"

"No. I'm saying that it has been awhile since I have had any physical contact with someone. And it felt nice. But that is completely irrelevant. We will not do this."

"What…well what if we do it just for fun?"

"What do you mean?"

"Non-committal. We just have fun with each other."

"Like a strictly physical relationship?"

"Absolutely. If that is what you want, than I will do it."

I contemplate this suggestion. On the one hand, I want nothing more than to feel Adalae's companionship. But, I worry that leading her on is wrong. I know that she will become attached to me and I won't feel the same for her. It is wrong of me to agree, but I do anyway. "Alright, but I have some conditions."

"Anything."

"No falling in love. No telling anyone. It ends the day any one finds out. No public displays of affection. And most of all, no talking about feelings."

"Alright. If that is what it takes to have you, I will agree."

"It is a deal then. If you break the rules, we end it."

"It won't be a problem. I promise."

"Good." Gemma appears at the doorway with Ann and Charlie trudging behind. They suspect nothing of the conversation we just had. Gemma glares at me through angered eyes. I know that she is upset about the lack of news for her, but I am too happy to care. I feel optimistic about the future for the first time in seven years.

**Gemma**

Kartik and I are arguing. He will not try to find out what happened at Felicity's house yesterday and I am infuriated by his newfound loyalty to her.

"I don't have permission to be in her head anyway! I cannot reveal her secrets!"

"Since when do you care so much about Felicity?" I shout.

"I don't care about her. But, I do respect her wishes! If she hasn't told you herself, then she doesn't want you to know. Her secrets are not mine to tell!"

"But as her best friend I am obligated to know what is happening in her life!" I plead.

"No. You're. Not. As her best friend you are obligated to be there for her when she needs you! She doesn't need your help so leave it be! If she wants your guidance, she will come to you!"

"But what if she doesn't?" I ask with no more anger. "What if she replaced me with Adalae?"

"Gemma, you will never be replaced. Believe me. You are her best friend too. Look, I can't tell you what has been going on in her life, but I will tell you this. She cares about you more than you can even understand. She doesn't want to disappoint you so there are things she hides from you. Gemma, she will not always go to you because she cares too much. She doesn't want to burden you."

"But why Adalae? Why is she telling Adalae things?" Kartik wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead before answering.

"Because Adalae understands." I look into his eyes and am happy for the light around me.

"Kartik, is it too much to keep the lights on?"

"I feel fine. I'm getting stronger," he assures. "Gemma?"

"Hmm," I mumble as I gently kiss his neck.

"When are you coming back?"

"As soon as I can. I promise." Kartik's smooth lips find mine and kiss me urgently. He is almost too rough with the kiss, too desperate. I can feel how worried he is that this is goodbye. I pull away and grab his face, focusing it on mine.

"Kartik, I will be back. Don't kiss me like this is permanent. I will come back for you."

"What if I told you that you shouldn't?"

"I'd tell you that no matter what, I will be back."

"You need to move on Gemma."

"And I will. But first, I need to find someone to sacrifice to the tree. Once you're free to wait on the other side, I will be with Mr. Carter."

"You sound like you've been giving this some thought."

"I have. And I realized that you are right. I cannot spend my life alone because I love you. Being with Mr. Carter will never be as perfect as being with you, but it will be better than having no one."

"I'm glad."

"I still would give up it all if you would let me be with you here," I beg.

"It will not happen that way Gemma. I will not allow you to give up your life for me. That is not your destiny."

"What is my destiny?"

"I predict that you will marry this Mr. Carter and have three children—one boy and two girls. Your daughters will inherit the power of the realms and eventually be the rulers of the realms. In generations to come, your descendants will be powerful women who will change the world." Kartik's crooked grin melts my heart like butter.

"And what of my son?"

"He will marry some beautiful woman who you love and adore. His children will be caring people."

"I wish they were your children."

"Me too," Kartik says as he pulls me close again. "It is time."

"Goodbye Kartik."

"Goodbye Gemma. I love you." I kiss his lips one last time before I fade away. I hope I have time to come back soon.


	28. Chapter 28

**Remember, I forgot chapter 26 originally. Go back and read chapter 26 and then move forward. So I haven't asked for reviews in a long time. I am now. Please please review :))))**

**Felicity**

May 14, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

His eyes upon your face  
His hand upon your hand  
His lips caress your skin  
It's more than I can stand

El Tango de Roxanne, Moulin Rouge

The first thing I see when I wake up is the stunning sun-tanned skin on Adalae's beautiful face. She sleeps soundly next to me—so relaxed and subtle. I smile at the realization of last night. Everything we did was perfect. She was perfect. I suddenly realize that I would not mind waking up next to Adalae every day for the rest of my life. I erase the thought as soon as it comes.

Gently, I reach out and brush a strand of hair behind her ear. Adalae's eyes open slowly, blink once and look around confused.

"Good morning," she slurs as she yawns. "Excuse me," she smiles when she finishes the yawn.

"Good morning," I smile back.

"That was incredible," Adalae remarks as she rolls onto her back and looks around my room. Suddenly we are interrupted by a knock at my door. We both freeze.

"Felicity? Are you in there?" The voice of Gemma asks.

"Yes, I am just. Hold on a second!" I shout back. "Get up!" I shove Adalae out of the bed. She falls loudly to the floor.

"Where are my clothes?"

"Who cares! Hide!" Adalae runs behind my dressing screen and ducks low. "Come in," I tell Gemma with a little too much kindness.

Gemma takes a step in and looks around as if searching for another person. "What was all that no—" she begins to ask, but is interrupted when she notices that the only thing I am wearing is a sheet. "Why are you naked?" She inquires, with one eyebrow arched into the air.

"It was hot in here last night." I lie through my teeth.

"Why didn't you just open a window?"

"I was too tired to get out of bed. So why are you here so dreadfully early?"

"I couldn't sleep and I thought I would come talk with you. I am sorry for pressuring you to tell me about your father. It was wrong of me to try to make you explain."

"You're forgiven," I say as I pick up my undergarments from the floor and run behind the screen. Adalae is curled up on the floor completely naked. I have no idea where her undergarments are. I begin to slip my clothes back on as Gemma continues her apology. I am thankful for her talking because Adalae keeps reaching up and tickling me. When I try not to laugh, I snort.

"Are you alright?" Gemma asks.

"Yes. I'm fine." I reply as I bend down to Adalae's level. "Stop it," I whisper. "I mean it."

"Are you talking to yourself?"

"No, I'm singing!" I answer loud enough for Gemma to hear.

"How do I get out of here?" Adalae asks quietly.

"Pretend you overslept. When I am already gone, put your petticoats back on and sneak back to your room. I will see you at breakfast." Standing up I slide the last of my dress over my shoulders. Adalae stands too. She pulls me into a gently kiss before pushing me away from the curtain.

"What are you singing?" Gemma inquires as she laces up my corset.

"A song I made up."

"Is it any good?"

"No." Our conversation ends there. When I am ready, we leave on our way to breakfast. Ann and Charlie sneak in a few minutes after Gemma and I have been seated. Adalae is no where to be found.

"I wonder where Adalae is," Gemma ponders.

"Oh, we just saw her on our way here. It was actually very strange," Ann exclaims. "She was leaving your room Felicity." I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks. "And the oddest part was that she was dressed very improper. She was only wearing her undergarments! I understand that at night when everyone is tucked into bed, but not first thing in the morning."

I do not look at Gemma for I fear she will make the connection. Charlie continues Ann's story. "We asked her what she was doing in your room and she said she was just looking for you. And then she ran off to her bedroom and slammed the door shut. She was very jumpy and nervous looking."

"What do you think, Felicity?" Ann asks.

I look up from my bacon and smile nervously. "I think Adalae was looking for me. As for the lack of modesty, she has always been somewhat strange. You all just didn't believe me." Finally, I look to Gemma. Her eyes pierce holes in my face. I find myself blushing again. Something tells me she knows.

**Gemma**

Adalae sneaks in at the very end of breakfast. After apologizing for oversleeping, she eats her cold bacon with a scowl. I look back and forth between Adalae in Felicity in hopes of figuring out what is going on. They stare in opposite directions and face away from each other.

When Felicity catches my observant eye, she clears her throat and says, "Adalae, Ann here said you were in my room this morning."

"It is true. I was looking for you." Their eyes meet when Adalae looks up from her plate.

"What did you need?"

I can't help but notice the way Adalae takes a second too long to formulate an answer. "I was actually going to ask you if you had any nice perfume from France that I could use."

"I actually have more than one. You are welcome to use them anytime you want."

"Thank you," Adalae warmly smiles.

"Why did you go to Felicity's room without your clothes on?" I ask in an attempt to catch them in their lie.

"I overslept this morning and I wanted to catch her before she came down here. I was too late though." Adalae lies smoothly—too smoothly. I find myself wondering if maybe they are being honest—at least more honest than I originally thought. I guess it is possible that Adalae was in her room when I was there. And it is possible that Adalae hid behind the dressing screen like I thought. But, why did she hide? What are they hiding?

"Why do you need perfume?" I press.

"Because I am pretty sure that Mr. Walsh will be calling on me today. And if I am supposed to woo him, I must smell fresh." I find myself out of ways to try and catch Adalae in her lies. I honestly do not know whether I should believe her, but I do anyway.

Just as Adalae imagined, Nick Walsh arrives at Spence in the mid-afternoon. Adalae comes down from her room wearing a fine dress. I notice that she does after all smell like Felicity's expensive perfumes.

Mr. Walsh happens to be a very attractive man. He has black hair that slips into his blue eyes every time he looks down. With a little bit of stubble on his chiseled chin, he resembles a sophisticated man who should be married. It is a shame that the Rakshana don't marry because any woman would be lucky to have him.

We stay out of his way while he waits on Adalae. I can sense his stares as we converse in a corner of the parlor. When Adalae does come down the stairs, he directs full attention to her.

The two of them take a walk through Spence's gardens. We have an almost perfect view from my bedroom. It is there that Felicity, Ann, and I press up against the glass and watch.

From what I can see below, they are laughing and having a good time. Adalae walks close to him, but not too close. At one point of their outing, Mr. Walsh takes Adalae's hand in his and leads the way to a bench. When they sit, their backs are to us. He keeps his hand firmly around hers.

Eventually they come inside. When they do, we can hear their goodbyes from the top of the stairs.

"Well goodbye Miss. Carmichael. It was so nice to see you again."

"Thank you for coming. I greatly enjoyed your visit." At this point, Felicity leans over the railing so she can see them. I pull at her skirts, but she does not budge. "I do hope you can visit again."

"I would love that. And it would be my honor to return. "When their conversation ends, I expect to hear his footsteps. Instead, there is no sound. Felicity's body stiffens next to me. "Goodbye Adalae. I will see you soon."

"Yes, goodbye Nick." The admiration in Adalae's voice is piercing. For the first time the thought occurs that Adalae could easily fall in love with Nick. I now have another worry to add to my list.

When Adalae struts up the stairs, Felicity grabs her arm tightly. I can see the white of Felicity's knuckles as she fumes. "What the hell were you doing?"

"What are you talking about?" Adalae asks as she wiggles free from her grasp.

"You kissed him!" Felicity shouts back.

"He kissed me! And what am I supposed to do? Sabotage our mission by backing away from him?" Felicity is silent as she thinks this through. I am even more confused about what is happening between Adalae and Felicity now. In a way, Felicity appears to be coiling with jealousy. But, at the same time, I can still see so much pain in her eyes when we are in the realms.

"I'm just saying that you should find some other way to make him fall in love with you," Felicity murmurs.

"Why do you even care?" I ask. Felicity sends me a nasty glare for my interruption and storms off angrily. I look to Adalae and ask, "What is going on?"

"Honestly, I do not know. Do you think I should not have allowed him to kiss me?"

"No. If you would have backed away, he might have figured that you don't really like him. You don't like him, do you?"

"He's a good man, but I know it is all probably a lie. I think that I have him smitten with me."

"But you're not smitten," I continue after a scowl, "with him?"

"Gemma, why don't you trust her?" Ann prods.

"It is not a lack of trust that I am worried about. I just now how charming those Rakshana men can be. They are dangerous."

"I completely understand your concern. Don't worry; I am not attracted to him." I want to believe Adalae, but I keep getting the sense that she is lying. "Anyway, I am going to go check on Felicity. I think she has some more to say to me." I laugh as Adalae climbs the stairs slowly.

"Do you think she is lying?" I ask Ann.

"No. I think you are acting very untrustworthy though. It's not just Adalae too. I have seen the way you look at Felicity. It is like you are always one step away from criticizing her every move. What has caused this behavior?"

I forgot that all the years of being invisible taught Ann how to observe without being caught. "I am just worried about writing up the constitution tonight. I have too much on my mind. I think I will go take a nap." Before Ann can reply, I make my way up the stairs and through the halls of Spence. As I pass all the class pictures, I notice our class for the first time. I peer into the glass and see the smiling faces of my friends. I feel a slight pang when I realize that Pippa would have been in that picture had I been more responsible.

**Felicity**

"It didn't mean anything!" Adalae snarls as she steps closer.

"It didn't look like it," I reply coolly. Adalae's face is just centimeters from mine. I can feel her hot breath on my lips as she spits back, "You sound jealous. I thought we weren't going to get attached."

"I'm not jealous. And I am definitely not attached. I just don't think you should be falling in love with the enemy."

"I am not falling in love with anyone!"

"Will you stop whining? You are too loud and stop crying to me. I have no sympathy for you. I cannot even trust you."

She steps even closer. Now I can feel her bust against mine. Her face is so close that I can only look into her flaming eyes. "The only person here that is falling in love is you. I am whining because you accuse me of exactly what you are doing."

"What are you saying?"

"You understand me just fine."

"I-I am not in love with you," I stutter as I back up.

"Prove it," Adalae taunts.

"How?"

"Apologize to me for overreacting about kissing Nick. And then tell me that I am welcome to do what I want with whomever I want."

I know that the only way to prove to Adalae that I am not in love is to say those things. And, I know that I do not love her. I clear my throat and look into her eyes again. "I am sorry for overreacting about your relationship with Nick. I realize that you had to kiss him in order to keep your cover. You are welcome to do what ever you want with whomever you want."

Adalae's lips are on mine as soon as the words are out. I know that staying in my room for the rest of the evening is suspicious behavior, but Adalae's touch causes me to lose any desire to be productive. I vaguely can feel our feet shuffling towards the bed. My thoughts are clouded with Adalae's peppermint flavored lips and warm skin.

The bed folds under my back as Adalae's body press me firmly against the sheets. Her lips find my neck and kiss softly. I have dreamt of this before. Adalae even bites down, but not too hard. I sigh into her hair as her lips trail down my neck to my chest. Suddenly I feel too constricted in my corset and dress. I want to take it off, but deep down I know that this is not the time to do that. If we are ever going to return to our friends, our clothes have to stay put.


	29. Chapter 29

**Gemma**

I'm wide awake after the riot  
This demonstration of our anguish  
This empty laughter has no reason  
Like a bottle of your favorite poison  
We are the last call and we're so pathetic

Murder City, Green Day

I wake from my nap and decide it best to go down for dinner. On my way down, I see Adalae and Felicity leaving Felicity's room. At first I think that they have been in there since I went to my room for a nap, but I know this cannot be true. My imagination is just overreacting.

Felicity seems to be in a much better mood. In fact, she looks exactly as she did seven years ago. I have not seen her relaxed and carefree in so long. My eyes brim with tears at the sight.

"Are you alright?" Felicity asks with genuine concern.

"I am great. I just have something in my eye is all. What are you two doing?"

"We were just talking," Adalae answers.

"Have you been in there since the argument?"

"Yes. We had a lot to talk about," Felicity responds. "Is that bad?"

"Of course not. I am just surprised to see you two together so much. It is strange."

"We realized we have a lot in common," Adalae says.

"Well that's good I guess. We better be going. I don't want to eat a cold dinner."

"One cold meal a day is good for character," Adalae laughs.

The rest of our evening goes peacefully. By the time it is time to go to the realms, I am a nervous wreck. I can barely stand, much less summon the door. Luckily, the others are patient as I focus. Finally, we enter. Just like last time, a huge table has been set up. This time, there is a scroll spreading across it.

"Hello everyone," I say shakily.

"Most High, it is a pleasure to see you again." Gorgon's confidence in me is reassuring. "We are ready to begin whenever you are."

"Well can everyone please take a seat? I have been thinking a lot about what to do here. Previously, we agreed that each tribe will have an elected official who will serve as their share in the government. Now, I think it would be wise to make sure that the tribes have democratic means to electing the government officials."

"I agree," says Philon. "It is important that all tribes are content. And even more so, all tribes must have equal representation. I would not like it if one tribe was more powerful than the other."

Gorgon nods. I notice that all the others are nodding as well. I feel very optimistic about this. "The laws we create should be more to keep the peace than to infringe on the rights of all the creatures. I think all creatures should have a right to their life and land."

"What do we do to those who break our laws?" Felicity asks.

"We could create a prison of sorts," Asha insists.

"And the tribal leaders can decide how much time is spent in the jail," Philon continues.

"I guess now we need to decide what our laws should be," I ponder.

This time Ann speaks up. "I think we should keep it simple. Everyone should have the right to their life and anything that belongs to them specifically."

"And how would we define what is theirs?" I ask.

"If they use the magic to make it, it belongs to them," Ann states with confidence.

"But what about the land?" Asha raises. "I fear that too much change will cause the tribes to act out."

"She's right," Philon agrees. "Land should be shared equally among all tribes."

"So we are looking at a socialist society?" Felicity muses. I have the same concerns as Felicity.

Adalae shocks us all when she speaks up. "It would not be socialist because of the constitution and elected officials. The way land is distributed is the only socialist aspect. Because the tribes do not need to sell or produce anything, the sharing of land is logical."

"I think this is going really well," I assure the crowds.

"Who will rule from your group?" Philon asks.

"Most High will, of course!" Exclaims Gorgon. Immediately I feel Felicity's body stiffen next to me.

"We will not decide that until the constitution is completed. Just like you, we will all vote." Felicity relaxes next to me.

"Well I for one think that who ever it is will need to be able to enter the realms on her own."

"Philon, let's not discuss that part right now," I mouth through gritted teeth. Felicity is taking measured breaths and clinching her fists next to me. "So how should we begin this?"

The rest of the night went fairly well. No one brought up the elected Order member again. We actually managed to write out the beginning of our constitution. The whole group agreed that there is not a need for all that many laws, as long as the ones pertaining to every creature's rights are addressed. Future generations will be more responsible for maintaining peace rather than ruling.

One problem we did face was the prison we plan on building. We realized that the only way to build a prison that does not have access to magic would involve taking the magic back from the land. I am the only one who has the power to do so, but I am afraid to even try. I do not know what will happen to me if I let the magic live in me again. Last time, I became a victim to it until I learned to control it.

But, the power is stronger now. It could seriously hurt me. My biggest fear though is not about myself. I am worried about Kartik. I fear that if I remove the magic from the tree, he will disappear and never be able to cross the river. I could get him out of the tree before we make the jail, but then I lose him even sooner than imagined. And, how would I ever find someone to sacrifice themselves to the tree if it meant they might die in every way possible?

All these thoughts course through my mind as I lay awake in my bed. They scatter like leaves in a fall breeze when I hear a creaking outside my door. Someone is walking the halls. I want to ignore it, but something tells me it is Adalae. I am practically dying to know what is going on between her and Felicity.

I run to my door and creak it open. Sure enough, Adalae is tapping lightly on Fee's door. The door opens and Felicity appears. She looks around hesitantly and opens the door wider. Adalae steps in and the door closes. I sneak out and go listen through the door.

I hear Felicity say something that sounds like, "No crawling tonight. You have to believe we're done." I have no idea what this means. I listen closer, but there are no more sounds. The only plausible explanation is that Adalae has taken my place completely. Felicity does not even want me to guard her from her nightmares. I sulk back to my room upset that I am losing my best friend.

I need Kartik. I know that going back to the realms without my friends would make them mad. I do anyway.

I run at the tree as fast as I can. It is cold in the Winterlands, but I know Kartik will warm me up. As soon as my hands grip the bark, I begin to fall. Images flash before my eyes moving too fast to catch what they are. They stop and I am in the dark musky tree.

"Gemma! I wasn't expecting you!" Kartik exclaims as the lights flicker on. As usual his dark skin and hair cause my breath to catch in my throat. Every time I see him it is like falling in love all over again.

"I had to see you." The tears start streaming before I can even make it to his arms. His hands wipe the tears away and then wrap me up in an embrace. He waits patiently until I stop. When I finally relax some, he bends low and kisses me gently. "What's wrong, Love?"

"I just have so much to think about."

"Mhmm. I know."

"What is going on between Adalae and Felicity?" I ask. "Please tell me."

"I'm not completely sure. And I am still not sure whether I should tell you. All I saw was that Adalae kissed Felicity a few days ago."

"They kissed?" I affirm.

"It was just one kiss."

"Do you think they are together?" I ask earnestly.

"Probably not. Felicity was not into the idea. But anyway, why are you worried about me?"

"You caught that?"

"Of course. It is your strongest emotion at the moment."

I tell Kartik everything that happened tonight. When I am done, he just looks at me and smiles a sad smile. "Don't worry about me, ok?"

"How can I not? I need to get you out of here before it is too late. But, I don't want to lose you yet."

"And we will work it out. But don't worry yourself yet. You never know how things will work out. Give it some time."

"I'll try," I mumble as I squeeze him tighter. His lips find mine and the lights go out.


	30. Chapter 30

**Gemma**

May 15, 1901

Spence Academy for Young Ladies

I believe that dreams are sacred.  
Take my darkest fears and play them  
Like a lullaby,  
Like a reason why,  
Like a play of my obsessions,  
Make me understand the lesson,  
So I'll find myself,  
So I won't be lost again.

All That I'm Living For, Evanescence

When I wake up, I find that I am in more pain than I have been in, in a while. All the stress of this constitution has left me exhausted and sick. My head feels like it will explode at any minute. To make matters worse, I cannot even breathe through my nose.

When I opt out of breakfast for an extra hour of sleep, Felicity comes in to check on me. When she asks if I am alright, I reply, "Since when do you care?" I don't mean to sound rude, but the way my body feels is making me upset.

Felicity looks hurt. "I always care."

"Not enough to let me know what is happening in your life," I sulk.

"What do you want from me?" She asks angrily. "It is not like you ever tell me what is happening in yours. Last time I checked, you leave me out of everything."

"Like what?" I defensively croak.

"You never tell me your plans. Last night, I had no idea what you were planning for the _situation_ in the realms. And then, you never tell me what you talk to Kartik about. Or what you plan on doing about your life here. You don't tell me anything."

"Why should I tell you about my relationship with Kartik when you don't even tell me about your relationship with anyone?" I shout back, though my voice cracks and I cough.

"What do you want to know? You want to hear about what my father did to me when I went back? Is that what this is all about?"

"Mostly," I answer.

Felicity's voice lowers back to its normal husky tone when she finally answers me. "He did what he thought best."

"Again? Was it as bad as before?"

"It was different than before." Felicity's voice drops to a whisper. "He used words to pain me."

"Well that's improvement," I say.

"No," Felicity intones, her voice cold. "Words cut far deeper than any physical wound could. Listen Gemma, I can't talk about this. I would rather just forget about it all."

"But you talked with Adalae about it?" I pry.

"I had to talk to her. She saw too much. Do you honestly think I told her because I wanted to?"

"Yes, I do."

"And what would make you think that?"

"You would. I have seen the change in you."

"What change? Is it because we don't fight anymore? Because if I recall, you wanted that."

"No, it's just…it is just that you two have been avoiding each other. And she was in your room."

"What does that have to do with anything? I can't help it that she sneaks in my room."

"She was in your room last night," I state and immediately regret.

"Were you eavesdropping?" She asks skeptically.

"No. Not at all. I was trying to sleep and I heard walking. Then I heard your voices."

"What does it matter to you anyway?" Felicity penetrates me deep with her sharp tone.

"I want to know if it is helping. I want to know if dealing with the Pippa dreams are more manageable because she spends the night in your room. I want to know if she helps more than I ever could."

Felicity simmers down again. She sits at the foot of my bad and stares into my eyes. "Is that what this is really about? You feel like Adalae is my new best friend?" Whatever she sees on my face causes her to continue. "She is not."

"Then what is going on?"

"I wish I could explain."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I don't even know."

"I know that you kissed her," I say cautiously.

"How do you know that?" She asks growing angry again.

"Kartik told me. Although, I had to work it out of him."

"When did Kartik tell you this?"

"Last night." The minute I say it, I know I made a mistake. Her face goes red and her nostrils flare.

"You went back? Without us!" Felicity shouts.

"I…I—"

"You know, for a second there I was really thinking you are a far better person than I will ever be. But now I see that you are just selfish and rude. Did it occur to you that your friends might want to come?"

"I am sorry. But, I didn't plan it. I just got lonely and went." A new round of coughs start up as Felicity stands up and turns her back to me. "Please don't turn your back on me."

"Why? I am giving you another opportunity to stab it. Isn't that what you do? You sneak up when I least expect it and put a big knife right between my shoulder blades. It hurts more when I am surprised. So here you go. I won't let you surprise me again."

"I never meant to hurt you," I whisper as my door closes behind Felicity's wounded back.

Ann brings me food a little later in the day. She sits with me and makes small talk while I eat. When she leaves, I sleep for longer than I have in years. I dream mostly of Kartik. Some of the dreams are happy ones where we are together again. Some are scary ones where he disappears forever. Either way, the dreams flow effortlessly through my mind leaving me no time to fret.

When I wake, I feel much better even though I still have cold symptoms. By eleven, I am ready to return to the realms to continue my work.

**Felicity**

After leaving Gemma's room infuriated, I make my way outside toward the lake. I decide it best that I am alone before anyone else can notice how angry I am. When I reach the edge of the shimmering water, I hop into the boat waiting on shore. My hands get caught, causing shards of wood to penetrate into the soft skin of my palm. "Blast!" I shout. I need to calm down. This outburst is not helping me relax.

In my solitary moment I think about all that I know and all that I have done. I know that Gemma has every right to enter the realms when she wants. I know it was wrong to overreact on her, especially when she is sick. I also know that I am mostly just jealous of her ability.

It is on the lake, with my body floating softly through the ice cold depths, that life seems suddenly so much clearer. I know that I will never have the power I crave because I am not special like Gemma. I know that whatever I am doing with Adalae is more to make me feel special than for any real attraction. The realization sets in. Using Adalae is wrong, and she deserves something more.

I don't know when my thoughts turned from mind ramblings to dreams, but soon enough I was awoken by soft calls for me. When I sit up in the boat, I see Adalae on the shore with Ann in troop.

"I'm here! Don't worry!" They both turn and I can see the relief on their faces. "My goodness," Ann exclaims. "You had us worried sick!"

"How long was I out?" I ask, suddenly wondering how much time has passed.

"A few hours," Adalae says. "We were wondering if maybe you ran off with one of the gypsies."

"That's realistic," I say sarcastically, as I row towards shore.

"Were you asleep?" Ann asks as soon as I am safely on shore. "I hope you're not getting sick like Gemma."

The mention of Gemma brings back all my anger. I take a deep breath and push the thoughts away. "I'm not sick. I just haven't been getting enough sleep." I don't dare to look Adalae in the eye for fear that Ann will see something in the exchange.

"I don't think any of us have been sleeping well. I mean with how much time we spend in the realms and all."

"Well Felicity gets the least sleep out of all of us," Adalae mocks.

"Why is that?" Ann asks, her eyes probing mine for answers.

I cut in before Adalae can taunt me further. "The dreams I have keep me awake. That's all."

Instead of replying, Ann begins the walk back to Spence. Adalae and I fall into step a few feet behind her. "That was not funny," I whisper sharply.

"Now we are even."

"Even for what?"

"For you practically throwing me out of your bed last night."

"I told you ahead of time that you couldn't spend the night again," I reply bitterly.

"But that doesn't mean you had to kick me out as soon as we were done."

"Yes it does."

"Well I don't like that."

"Why not?"

"It feels very impersonal—like we are just using each other."

"We _are_ just using each other." Adalae flinches. We slow our pace so we can talk without Ann overhearing. "We promised not to get attached. And I'm sorry Adalae, but this was never about you. It was about me. If you can't handle it, we need to stop."

Adalae stops and turns to me. She takes a deep breath and then says, "I never said I couldn't take it. I don't like it, but if that is what it takes for you, I will manage."

"You shouldn't have to. And I am sorry. If this becomes too much for you, tell me. We will end it if we have to."

"It won't be too much. I am a big girl. I can handle myself."

We continue on to Spence without another word. I spend the rest of my day in my room regretting that I didn't just end it with Adalae then. I know that it is wrong to use her when she obviously wants more. I also know that technically I am breaking one of my own rules. Gemma knows. And if she hasn't connected the dots yet, she will soon.

By nightfall, I just want to have a good time, to just forget everything that has happened. Unfortunately, we have another meeting in the realms and that is sure to be a bore. After the realms, I have a meeting with Adalae, which will not be boring at all, but it will bring other problems back.

I have never wanted an escape as much as I do now. It is time I find some liquor and a good party. I wish I was in France at the Moulin Rouge. In France, all my problems seemed so far away. I was living for the moment and forgetting the past.

Here, it is like being trapped in a glass box. I can live my life like others but I cannot get close enough. I see them, but I don't feel them. I don't feel much of anything anymore. It's cold in my glass box.

I don't go to dinner. I refuse to leave my room until it is time for the realms. When I do finally leave, I feel numb and void of all human life.


	31. Chapter 31

**I'd love it if you reviewed :)**

**Gemma**

Not ready to let go  
Cause then I'd never know  
What I could be missing  
But I'm missing way too much  
So when do I give up what I've been wishing for.  
I shot for the sky  
I'm stuck on the ground  
So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down

Down, Jason Walker

We are all silent as we prepare to enter the realms. There is an obvious tension in the room. I can sense it as I try to focus on the door. It is like gravity, sucking the life out of us all. I need to make up with Fee, but I cannot. I can't help but notice the way she grips Adalae's hand. It is too tight. I can see the white in her knuckles, proof of her desperation—her need for someone new to hold her in place.

I forget to focus on the door as I muse over Felicity. Suddenly I feel the familiar tingle, but it isn't coming from my body. I glance at Adalae's face. She bites her lip as she focuses hard. Felicity opens her eyes and peers at Adalae. She feels it too. My mind reacts quickly. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus my energy. The door bursts into life in front of us. I did not summon it by myself.

Adalae seems to be in a daze. A drop of sweat drips onto her upper lip. She licks it away and looks to me for answers. I ignore her and open the door with my amulet. We stumble in to the garden. Everything is as it was last night. Gorgon smiles at me as I take my seat at the head of the table. Felicity once again takes the seat to my right. Ann moves in on my left and Adalae sits on the other side of Fee.

"Welcome back everyone. I hope you had a good time during your time off. So for today we should be able to complete the constitution. We just need to write out the amendments and call it good. Then we can all sign and go forward with plans. Does anyone have anything to say before we start?"

"I think we need to make plans immediately for the prison once we are done writing," Philon says. Everyone nods in agreement. I need to buy some time. My choice is to go forward with the prison or talk about voting for leaders. Neither option is very appealing, but I know which one is most important.

"I thought you wanted to start electing leaders after writing?" I ask, knowing how they will respond.

Gorgon is the one to answer. "I think we need you humans to pick your leader. After all, you are the most powerful. You are the chosen one, Gemma. We need a leader while we build. I think it best for the four of you to choose tonight."

"Ok. We will do that then. But first, the constitution."

After about two hours worth of work we have a complete constitution that ensures the safety of all tribes. The new laws of the realms ensure equality amongst all tribes. I am greatly proud of our work here. But, I know that now we are to the difficult part. I kill some more time by giving everyone the chance to sign there name. Mine is first, followed by Fee, Ann, and Adalae. Then Gorgon and Philon. Asha is next. The rest file in one-by-one until everyone is done.

"Most High, are you ready to do elections?"

"I suppose," I answer. In truth, I am conflicted beyond belief. Felicity wants this, but I agree that the leader should be able to enter the realms on her own. I also know that I cannot keep Adalae's power a secret any longer. She will find out eventually, and that will be more trouble.

"Gemma, you are the only one in your world that can enter the realms. Doesn't that make you the only possible leader?" Philon asks.

I take a deep breath and respond. "For years now I have thought that I am the only one with this power. It is not true. There is another of my kind that has the power. It would be wrong for me to not say so now."

"Who is it?" Asha speaks out.

"Adalae," I say as I turn to look at her. Her brown eyes open wider and she searches the faces of all of us here for the truth in the statement. She finally stops at Felicity. I sneak a glance at Fee as well. Felicity looks about ready to murder someone. I can't tell if it is me or Adalae that she is cross with. Either way, I can see that things will never be the same after this.

"I do?" She asks, genuinely surprised.

"Yes," I answer. "I do not know how powerful you are or how you inherited the power. But, you do have some nevertheless which makes you a candidate for leadership."

"I-I don't know what to say."

"Do you want to be a candidate for the power?"

"Well, I guess. I mean, yes. I do."

"In that case, Ann and Felicity will need to vote." I am confidant that I will win this. Adalae is inexperienced and not exactly a leader. Felicity and Ann rely on me.

"Alright. All in favor of Gemma?" Gorgon announces. Ann raises her hand. Felicity does not.

"Felicity?" I snap. She looks at me as if she can see through me. Her eyes are so cold.

"I would like to place my vote for Adalae," she whispers.

"It is a tie. What do we do now?" Philon grumbles.

"We need a bigger group. We need more people to be part of the Order," I announce, shocking myself in the process.

"That is impossible," Felicity shouts. She does not like the idea of more people in our realms. I am afraid that she has to learn to share.

"I have an idea. How about each of us finds one person to be part of the Order? The person does not have to be a woman. We will all find someone and bring them back in two days time."

"Two days? That is not nearly enough time!" Felicity fumes.

"It has to be. We do not have time to waste. I will see everyone in two days. Meeting adjourned."

The tribes begin to scatter off, but Gorgon and Philon stay behind. Felicity marches off towards the forest. Adalae sits in her chair with a stupid smile dominating her face. Ann sulks after Fee.

"Most High, is that the best idea?"

"We have no other choice, now do we?"

"There is always another choice. I believe that you should be leader. What if the tribes vote too?"

"Philon that cannot work. We just wrote the constitution and it says that each tribe votes a leader of their own. You cannot help with this."

"But this Adalae is she to be trusted?"

"I believe she is. At least I hope she can be."

"Most High, this is not going to end well. I can see already."

"Have faith Gorgon. It will be fine. I promise. Now excuse me. I need to gather my friends and go to the Tree."

"Yes Most High," Gorgon nods as she walks away. Philon turns his huge back to me and runs off.

"Come on Adalae, let's go to the Tree. I'm almost a hundred percent sure that is where Fee and Ann ran off to."

"Is it true?" She asks as she falls into step with me.

"Yes it is. You almost summoned the door yourself tonight."

"I felt that tingle, but it started to die out."

"I helped. You see, I have more power than anyone in history. You most likely will not be able to summon the door for four people. Two, maybe, but not four."

"Wasn't Circe stronger than you?"

"No. Circe was weak. She made a sacrifice to gain strength. She bound herself to the dark spirits. She almost defeated me because she knew how to manipulate the magic in ways I had yet to learn."

"I have no one to bring in with me," Adalae whispers.

"You have no friends other than us?"

"None that I could consult in two days."

"Well I guess you don't have to bring anyone in. The rest of us will, and that should be enough."

"What happens if I become leader?"

"You rule the realms. And you will need to have a daughter or else the magic will die out."

"I think Felicity is angry."

"She is. I can promise that. But, she will get over it."

"What if she doesn't?"

"What do you care?" I snap harshly.

"She is my friend." Adalae croaks.

"Are you in love with her?" I ask.

She pauses. "What makes you think that?"

"I'm not an idiot. I see the way you look at her and talk to her. I know that you two kissed once. I also know that you have stronger feelings than she does."

"She told you?"

"She said that you kissed once. That is all she said. I asked if she had feelings for you and she laughed and said no. But please don't hurt her. I know she seems too strong for that, she can be broken. And if you break her heart, I will have to put my foot in your mouth. Do you understand?"

"Yes. I won't hurt her. After all, I'm the one with feelings." The tree is only a few feet in front of us. Sure enough Ann and Felicity sit limp against it. Adalae reaches her hand out and falls limp as well. Slowly, I reach my hand out too. The bark is cold under my finger tips. I am lost to my fantasies.

Kartik stands awkwardly in front of me. "I thought maybe you weren't coming?"

His husky voice sounds somehow thicker. It is then that I notice the moisture in his eyes. "Kartik, what is wrong?" He turns his face from mine. I reach out and force him to look at me. A tear falls onto my fingers. "Answer me Kartik!"

"I love you." My heart shatters as he attempts a smile.

"Kartik, what is wrong?" I beg. The tears are dripping down my cheeks now too.

"Our time is almost up. You need to bring Fowlson. He will make the sacrifice. I know it. He believes in destiny too."

"Kartik, we have time."

"No, we don't. You will elect a leader in two days. Then you will need to build that prison. I will go wait on the other side. Meanwhile," his tone changes, "you _will_ marry Mr. Carter and live a long fulfilling life."

I hug him tight, knowing that he is right. Our days are numbered. I want nothing more than to be here forever. We stand in each others arms until our time is up. The others are waiting, but I will let them wait.

We kiss. Our lips meet violently. This could be our last. I will not think that thought. I disappear from his arms and find myself crying against the tree. Ann grabs my hand and lifts me up. She is a crutch for me the whole way back. She even tucks me in once back to my room.

"Goodnight Gemma."

"Thank you," I whisper as I cough into my pillow. The tears continue.

**Felicity**

"Are you mad at me?" Adalae asks in between kisses.

"What makes you think that?" I ask before pulling her lips between mine again.

"I have power. Isn't that what you want?"

"I'm still stronger," I say. She shakes her head. "No? Am I not?" I tease. To show her just how strong I really am, I shove her hard against the wall. She grimaces in pain. I slide my lips down to her neck, just under her ear. I bite down hard and suck violently.

I am angry, just not at her. It is no more her fault that she has the magic than that I don't. I grab her wrists and pull them over her head as I bite further down her neck.

"Felicity, stop," she whispers. I do not. "I mean it. You are hurting me." She's lying. I can tell by the moans in her voice. "Please stop," she begs. I slide my lips back up to her. I kiss her again. Her tongue slides in my mouth. Her hands pull free of my grip and she puts them on my shoulders. She pushes hard. I fall back. "I said stop."

"What is your problem tonight?" I ask angrily.

"You are! Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want to talk about what happened earlier?"

"We aren't friends, Adalae! We don't talk!"

"You know what? You're right. We aren't friends. We aren't anything but playmates. And I thought I was ok with that, but I am not. Not anymore. Felicity, it is over."

I feel as if I have swallowed a bomb. My stomach churns as she leaves my room angrily. "Adalae, wait." She does not listen. I follow her in to the hall. I follow until we end up in her bedroom. "Adalae, I'm sorry. We can talk if you want."

"Don't you get it? I want you to want to talk. You are only willing so you can get physical after we talk. Maybe I want to just have a conversation tonight."

"I do want to talk, just not with you. Don't you get it? If we talk, we will become friends. And if we become friends, we will fall in love. I can't fall in love with you, Adalae!"

"You can't or you won't?"

I think about her question. I don't know how to answer. Pippa is still so much of my life. I can't imagine giving myself completely to someone else. "Both," I answer.

"Listen, I don't know what happened with that Pippa girl. But, whatever she did to you to make you so conflicted, you need to get over it. I know you loved her, but that was a long time ago. It is time you move on."

"You don't know anything. I still love her. I will always love her. There is no one else."

"Well I guess we are done then."

"Why?" I plead.

"Because I love you, Felicity. I am in love with you. And you just made it crystal clear that you cannot ever love me back."

"You don't love me." I am crying now.

"I do. But obviously you don't love me back. It is over, ok. We are done. I don't want to be your friend or your lover."

"Goodbye Adalae," I cry as she pushes me out her door. I feel the door close behind me as I make my way back to my room. As I pass Gemma's room I hear sobs. I gently open the door and come in.

"I'm sorry," I whimper.

"Me too," she replies. Her hand gently pats the open space of her bed. I crawl in next to her. We cry together until sleep takes over.


	32. Chapter 32

**Gemma**

May 16, 1901

Spence Academy

_But as long as you feel it  
I'm a believer  
My heart is phosphor  
Sea rolls and death tolls  
Break t__he surface don't break my bones  
Off of the trail and off of your hands and  
Onto a new plan  
Is the cost to stay lost  
Forever in an empty skin  
Pale and thin_

_Future Reflections, MGMT_

I wake up with a start. Today is going to be a long day, and last night was too short. My eyes burn. They feel swollen from crying. Felicity liess next to me on her stomach. Her left arm dangles off the bed and she drools on my sheets. I kick her. She jumps a little and then rolls toward me.

"What time is it?" She asks. Her voice is extra husky this morning. She must be coming down with what I have.

"Late. We need to get moving."

"Five more minutes. I feel like I have been kicked in the face."

"Are you sick?"

"Mhmm."

"I'm sorry," I say because I know it is my fault.

"You should be." At first I think she is really mad at me, but then she wiggles her eyebrows.

"So are we back to normal? No more fighting?"

"Only if you promise to be a good leader," she says, surprising me.

"You aren't going to vote for Adalae?"

"Of course not. I only voted for her because I was upset. She is not experienced enough to be an effective leader."

"Is that really why you are voting for me?"

"Why else would I be?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you don't want others in the realms?"

"That is not why I am voting for you. But I supposs we don't need to bring others in anymore." Felicity's face lights up for a split second. I feel bad for bringing her down again.

"I'm sorry Fee, but I still think we need more people."

"Why? What is wrong with just us four?"

"I think that the Order used to be bigger. Maybe it should be again."

"Or maybe we should just let it be us. We have done fine on our own up until now."

"We weren't on our own and you know it. We had Ms. Moore and McCleethy. We had Nightwing and Mother Elena. And we also had Kartik and Pip. You can't forget them."

"So what do you propose then, Miss. Doyle? Who are you inviting?"

"I was thinking about Ishmael."

"The Gypsy boy you met?"

I can sense Fee's disapproval, but I will not back down. "Yes. He is a Gypsy, but he is also a great young man."

Surprising me again, Felicity does not respond in an argument. "I will be inviting Polly. I think it best since I will not ever have children of my own. Hers will inherit the realms."

"I think that is a great idea," I exclaim.

"Do you think Ann will bring Charlie?"

"I would assume."

"And Adalae?"

"Adalae most likely will not bring a guest. She has no one."

"It looks like she is going to lose then."

"Well of course she will. I am after all the chosen one."

"I envy you."

"I know," I respond for I have no other answer.

"Can you make me a promise?" Felicity asks as I dress.

"That depends. What would you like?"

"Can you promise not to forget about me when you get this new power?"

I step out from behind my screen. "Do you honestly think I would do that?"

"I don't think you would now, but things can change. I just don't really want to lose the realms. I don't really want to lose you either."

"I'm here Fee. What is causing this worrying? IS there something wrong with you and Adalae?" I turn my back to her so she can tie my strings. Something tells me that she is happy to not be looking at me as she answers.

"We had a…um…relationship. It doesn't matter what it was; it's over." I turn around and look at her. I raise my eyebrow hoping she will give me more information. "We ended it last night because she told me that she loves me."

"And you got scared and ran, didn't you?"

"No," she says defensive. "I told her that I am not in love with her. She ended the relationship."

I am not sure if I believe that Felicity doesn't love Adalae. After hearing the way she cried last night, I am sure that Adalae meant more to her than she lets on. Unfortunately I do not have the time or care to intervene right now. They will work it out on their own. Truth be told, I am thinking seriously about allowing others in to the realms. I mean Felicity is right. I won. Why should I expand our group?

I want more people, but I am not sure about Ishmael yet. I prefer someone I trust more. If I did not need Fowlson to sacrifice himself to the tree, I would ask him. I need him for the tree though. There is no other way.

Felicity leaves to go change in her room. I sit on my bed and think. What if I find someone else to make the sacrifice? It has to be a willing sacrifice though. I could not kill someone to save Kartik. At least I don't think I could. Then again, the thoughts of saving Kartik are overpowering. What if I did kill someone for Kartik's sake? Would that make me a bad person?

Maybe I should ask Fowlson how he has been. If he says that he is still really upset, I can possibly talk him into being the sacrifice. But what if he says that he is happy? I could never force him to make that choice. My head hurts just thinking about it all. If there is one thing I am certain of, it is that I need to make sure I approve of those my friends will be bringing in.

I decide to head outside and look for Fowlson before breakfast. There is a slight breeze that smells of lilacs. It brings me back to being a student here. I remember the day we rode bikes. Kartik showed up looking like a handsome man. I nearly killed myself on that bike, but it was worth it because I got to talk to him.

Fowlson interrupts my thoughts when he steps out from behind a tree near the caves. "Miss. Doyle, what brings you out here?"

"I was actually looking for you."

"Well I am here, what do you need?"

I don't know how to phrase what I need to say. "How-what have you been doing since that day?" I feel that he knows what I mean without me actually saying anything.

"Tracking the Rakshana," he smiles.

"Other than that? I mean, are you happy?"

He pauses as if lost in thought. "I suppose. Things could be better, but they could also be worse. The way I see it, my destiny lies in the future. When she—" That unspoken word catches us both off guard. We both lost someone we loved that day. "Well I had to learn to deal with life without her. But things are better now. I am waiting to see where my true destiny lies."

"Do...do you think your destiny might be to save the realms?"

"What are you asking?"

"We want to build a prison. To do so, I must remove the magic from the tree and if I do that—"

"Kartik could die," he finishes for me.

"Yes," I answer even though it was not a question.

"And you are asking if I will sacrifice myself to the tree to save Kartik?"

"Yes," I solemnly say. "But," I continue urgently, "if you don't want to, don't feel obligated. We will find something else."

"Or someone else?"

"Yes."

"And what if there is no one?"

"Then I intend to _make_ someone." Fowlson has no response. He just stares at me in shock.

"You would do anything for him?"

"Absolutely. If you were in my place you would do the same."

"I would. Well I will do this for you if you ask. But, it is not something I would choose for myself."

"I have something else to ask."

"Go ahead."

"If you don't make the sacrifice, will you serve as a member of the new Order?"

"You want me to be part of the realms?"

"I want that almost as much as I want Kartik back," I swear.

"Well let's make a compromise. I will serve you in the realms if you promise to find someone else to make the sacrifice. Actually, I have a candidate for the sacrifice."

"Who?"

"Nick."

"The Rakshana man?"

"Why not him?"

"Well I highly doubt he would volunteer."

"This is why we lie."

I think this through. It seems wrong, but I can't help but imagine how nice it would be to have Fowlson at my side and Kartik safe across the river. "I like what you're thinking," I finally answer.

"So it is settled then. When he comes to call next, I will tell him that we have a spot for him in the realms. Then we will bring him in and sacrifice him."

"That sounds great. But what if he tells his leaders?"

"He won't, I promise. I know what to say to make him fear his leaders."

"Well meet me at the main doors at midnight. We will go to the realms tonight."

"And if Nick comes today?"

"Not yet. I need to consult the others first."

"I guess I will see you at midnight then."

"Not a minute later," I promise. With that I turn and run back to the school. I am sure that I missed breakfast all together, but I am floating. Once inside, I find Adalae talking in a corner with Martha and Elizabeth.

"Sorry to interrupt. Can I speak with you Adalae?"

"Sure. I will be back soon," she says to the others. She follows me upstairs. I find Ann in Charlie's bedroom. Our last stop is Fee's room. She sits in a chair reading as we file in.

"What's all this?" She asks. I notice that Adalae and Fee do not even look at one another.

"I am calling a meeting. I have formulated a new plan. I invited Fowlson as my new member of the Order."

"Wait, I thought he was the sacrifice?" Ann huffs.

"He was. But now we have a new sacrifice. Nick is going to be our sacrifice."

"I don't think that wise," Adalae intones.

"I think it is brilliant. He will willingly do it if he thinks it will give him power in the realms. And then Kartik will be free."

"But what if he doesn't die? Couldn't he harness the power like Eugenia did?" This hasn't occurred to me. But, Adalae makes a good point.

"I am with Adalae on this one," Felicity announces. "What if it ends badly. And besides, are you willing to kill someone? It seems so…wrong."

"Since when do you care about what is right and wrong?" I shoot back.

"All I'm saying is that it seems wrong. I never said that I wouldn't do it."

"I think it is a risk worth taking," Ann says. We all turn and look at her. "So what if he doesn't die. He is not nearly smart enough to work the magic. I mean Kartik hasn't even harnessed it yet and he had the magic in him for awhile." I just decided that I love Ann.

"She's right," I agree. "Besides, the magic is no longer dark magic. It is both and therefore will not show him the ways of the dark. I really think he is our best option."

"I'm still not sure," Adalae groans.

"Are you attached to him?" I ask skeptically.

"No I am not. It's murder!"

"No it's not. He will do it voluntarily."

"Because we will have lied!"

"Adalae calm down." It's Felicity who makes the command. For the first time since we have arrived, Adalae looks at Fee.

"I thought you of all people would be on my side here. Pippa died in the realms. Does that not matter to you?"

"What does Pippa have to do with this?" Felicity seethes.

"I can't bare the thought of someone else losing their life in the realms. When they die, others hurt."

"Nick is Rakshana. He has no one to mourn his death."

"Alright. Let's vote on this," I announce in an effort to end the argument. Felicity and Adalae do not back off. For the first time I notice the deep purple bruises on Adalae's neck. I am jealous of those marks. I want something lasting of Kartik, something I can bring back to our world with me. "Who votes in favor of Nick?" Felicity and Ann raise their hands. I raise mine as well. "I'm sorry Adalae. This is a democracy."

"Alright well that's fair I guess. Now is this over? I have things to do."

"One last thing and then you can get back to your life. I need to know who people are bringing tonight."

"I already told you. I'm bringing Polly. I was about to go talk to her."

"Alright. And you Ann?"

"I was going to ask Nightwing if that is ok with you."

"That is a great idea! I thought you would want to bring Charlie?"

"No. We already spend too much time together. It would be better not to include him in this."

"Well that's great. I guess everyone is free to disperse." I have never seen a room cleared so fast. It is like I have leprosy or something. Adalae practically jumps over a chair to get out. Felicity beats her to the door and turns left. Adalae looks after her and decides to go right. Ann hurries back to Charlie.

_Alright_, I think to myself. _Now I have the joy of finding something amusing to do today. _I decide to pay Ishmael a visit.

**Felicity**

I leave the meeting with the others in a hurry. Just being in the same room as Adalae breaks my heart. I don't know what I am going to do for these next couple days. Being near Adalae is destroying me. Besides, I can tell that my feelings are written all over my face. Everyone knows. The thought eats at me as I make my way toward the art room.

Polly is released without much effort on my part. I just drop a charming smile and my name and she is free. I escort her up to my room. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Polly asks me what is on my mind.

"I…I…well I have something to tell you—a secret of sorts. And you have to promise not to tell anyway. Not your friends or anyone else. This has to be between just us. Well I guess it's not just us because—." I'm rambling and I know it. "Can you make that promise?"

"Sure Felicity. What is it?"

"What if I told you that everything you believe about the world is wrong? What if I told you that those creatures from the stories we were read as children actually existed?"

"I would have you committed," Polly answers unmissed.

"Well what if I had proof?"

"I will believe it if I see it."

"Meet me here a little before midnight tonight."

"Wait. Why?" she asks confused.

"I'm going to give you proof."

"You are actually serious about this?" I nod. "Bloody hell, Felicity; I knew you were strange, but I never thought you were insane."

"Just trust me, just this once, please?"

"I will be there, I give you my word. But if this is some kind of prank, I will hurt you. I promise you that."

"It isn't a joke," I say defensively.

"Well I am going to get back to art. It is after all the only class I like."

"Farewell," I smile. Polly rolls her eyes and leaves me to my solitude.

**Gemma**

I find Ishmael by a died out fire with a few other of the Gypsy men. They all stare and gawk as I approach. Ishmael gives me a sideways grin that makes him look even younger. It's contagious. I smile back.

"Miss. Doyle, I wasn't expecting you!"

"I decided to see how you are doing. Would you do me the honor of taking a walk with me?" Ishmael stands quickly and wipes some crumbs off his lap. He practically runs to my side.

"I'd love to." He gives me that silly grin again. "Where to, my Lady?"

"You choose, my Lord," I reply. I forgot how much fun it is to have a friend who knows nothing of all my dark secrets. I find myself relaxing by just being with Ishmael. He makes me forget everything that is wrong.

He does most of the talking as we walk. He talks about the camp and when they are leaving. He tells me about his parents and where they are. He even tells me about the girl he loves, who for some reason does not love him back. I have always wanted a little brother, and for once I feel like I have one. If only Tom was this agreeable.

"Am I talking too much?" Ishmael asks as a blush darkens his skin.

"Not at all. I do enjoy hearing about your life," I assure.

"Well in that case, what do you want to know? More about Kartik?"

"Is there more to tell?" I ask, though on the inside I'm dying to hear what else there is to know.

"I remember this one night I caught Kartik playing cricket. I asked him if he could teach me and he did. We spent hours out in the woods playing. For weeks we were completely infatuated with the game. During those times he would teach me about the world. He told me about philosophy and science. In his eyes I was equal. I suppose that is why I admired him so much."

"Then what happened?"

"He disappeared for a long time. When he came back he was hardly ever at camp. When he was, he seemed distant and scared. I remember hearing him screaming in his tent in the middle of the night. He told me that he has bad dreams."

I remember the dreams Ishmael speaks of. Those were the dreams that led Kartik to believe that I was going to die. "Are there any more stories?"

"I'm sorry, but that is all that happened. I was just a boy. I bet if I were his age, I would have more to talk about."

"I appreciate what you did tell me," I promise.

"You love him don't you?"

I notice the present tense and smile. Ishmael seems to understand that it is not a past love, nor will it ever be. "Very much."

"I could do the things that Kartik did for you." I don't know what to say to this. Ishmael smiles at me a wiggles his eyebrows. He is joking, but I sense that he is somewhat serious.

"You are too young. Maybe if you were a few years older," I say.

"I am a man," he says seriously.

"Why would you want to be with an old woman like me anyhow?"

"Age is but a number."

"What about Helen? I thought you love her?"

"She is but a child. I want a woman."

This conversation has turned for the worse. I don't want to hurt Ishmael, but I know I have to if I want to make my point clear. "Ishmael, you are a great friend. But, you are only a friend."

"I figured," he says defeated. "At least I tried."

"Well it was a good effort."

"Don't you know? I'm a professional at effort."

I find myself laughing. We laugh all the way back to the school. The awkwardness is gone and we are back to just being friends. With Ishmael I can be childish and have a good time. He is a temporary drug that cures me of my sadness.

I return to reality within minutes of entering the school. I can taste the tension on my tongue. _Back to reality,_ I think as I make my way to the kitchen for some tea.


	33. Chapter 33

**Reviews? Please!**

**Felicity**

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.  
Should it hurt to love you?  
Should I feel like I do?  
Should I lock the last open door,  
My ghosts are gaining on me._

_All That I'm Living For, Evanescence_

After the discussion with Polly, I have nothing to do. My heart still aches at the thought of Adalae. I know that I don't need her, but I want her nevertheless. I can't get the memory of last night out of my head. I keep replaying the desperate way she said she loved me. The memory burns holes in my head. Her eyes were so focused, so intent. They were full of anguish and admiration and something else.

The walls to my room are barren, soulless, much like my empty body. I lie on my bed in hopes of sleeping some more. Her scent lingers on my sheets. I take it in deeply allowing it to fill my core. The tears spill out. It is no longer Adalae in my mind, but Pippa.

I think about the day Gemma brought me back one last time. While she went to pay her respects to Kartik, I went to pay mine. The memory infiltrates my mind, making it impossible to discern whether I am here or there.

_The warm air tickles my skin as we step through the door. I breathe in, smelling lilacs and roses, my two favorite smells. Gemma nods at me, tears brimming and walks ahead. I follow, lost in my own thoughts. She walks past the Borderlands without even looking at the destroyed castle. I stop, turn to my left, and stare it down as if I have the power to take it all back._

_The castle is in ruins. Rocks are piled in every direction. As I get nearer I can see that many of the boulders are even bigger than I imagined. I begin to search the rubble. Her body must be in here; it has to be. I dig and dig. The sweat drips down my face at the effort. I refuse to use magic to help me. I want to feel the pain, the aching muscles. It helps me remember that I am still alive. She is not. It is this thought that causes tears to mix with the sweat. _

_I work in silence. Drops of perspiration make my hands slippery. The rocks get heavier. I choose not to care. I will find her. I dig until every muscle in my body burns from the effort. I still cannot find her. I am about to give up when I see a tiny piece of purple cloth._

_I know I have found her. I run to the spot and grab the cloth. It is still soft under my fingers. I grab at the pieces of castle desperately. I throw them as far as I can. The tears spill out faster. I am gasping and sobbing. And then I see it. A tiny, white hand emerges from the rubble. I sit down and hold it. It's cold and more pale then usual. Somehow it is still soft like satin. I put it to my cheek. Some dirt rubs off of it as my tears clean it._

_I continue to dig. More and more of the one I love appears. Finally, after all my effort, Pippa lies in front of me, still and cold. Her violet eyes are open, still more beautiful than I have ever seen. It takes my breath away. I have missed these eyes. Other than her open eyes, she seems to be at peace. _

_I lift her gently and carry her like a baby to our clearing. By the time I get there I am exhausted. I set her gently on the grass. Dirt covers her perfect features. Her dress is torn all over. I pull my dress off slowly. I wore my best dress for this purpose alone. It was Pippa's favorite as well._

_Slowly, I undress her. It is so different than the last time my fingers worked this way. I miss the sensation of her fingers over my body. My dress slides over her tiny body easily. She looks stunning. _

_I run quickly to the river and gather some water in a pail I used the magic to make. I walk back, not wanting to spill any of it. I rub the water all over her exposed body until she is clean. Once again, Pippa gleams and shines. _

_The tears return. I lean down slowly, and kiss her soft lips. I take my hands over her eyes, closing them for all eternity. She looks so happy, I muse as I begin to dig. The shovel I use is old. I made it that way so that I can suffer as I make her grave. I finally finish the hole. By now, I am completely covered in dirt and grime. I'm in more pain than I have ever felt. _

_I lift Pippa and place her in as gentle as possible. I cross her arms over her chest and begin to drop the dirt back in. The dirt spilling over her stops my tears. She's dead and I know it. There is no future for me anymore. I know I will have to be as encouraging as possible for Gemma, but I'm in agony. _

_I leave her grave in misery like nothing I have ever experienced. It hurts everywhere, inside and out. Gemma waits for me in the garden. She takes one look at me and knows where I have been. She asks if I want to be cleaned off before returning. I shake my head no and take her hand. She summons the door and we are back in her room. _

I'm back to my room. I have been lost in these thoughts for a long time. It is dark inside my room. I decide to stay here until we have to go to the realms. There is no point in eating when I am dying inside anyway.

**Gemma**

I am practically shaking as the minutes tick by. I know that tonight everything will change. The thought terrifies me. It is almost midnight, almost time to initiate more to the Order. I dress slowly, in hopes that time will stop if I stop. It does not.

I walk downstairs. Felicity is already there with Polly. Polly looks bored, as if this is a waste of time. I guess Fee didn't tell her much then. Adalae arrives next. She stands near me and stares off toward the dark. Felicity looks at her feet. I don't see Felicity's chin down very much. When I do, it hurts because I know that something is really wrong. Ann comes down the stairs alone.

"Where's Nightwing?" I ask confused.

"She won't come. She says her duty belongs here."

"You were going to invite Nightwing?" Polly sneers. No one answers. Fowlson appears before us with a torch. We all jump at his arrival.

"Sorry," he smiles. "Is this everybody?"

"I guess so," I answer. "Polly, I need you to take Felicity's hand and then close your eyes and focus on a door. Understand?"

"You better not be kidding around," she answers. I can see so much of Fee in her manners.

"I promise you that I am not."

"Can I go alone?" Adalae asks. I forgot that she has the power. "Of course," I answer, though it hurts more than I let on that I'm not the only one with power. Adalae goes first. I see her close her eyes and focus intently. And then she goes limp in front of us. "

Now circle up, it is time." I close my eyes and focus the door appears before me. I open it and enter hesitantly. The others follow. Polly rubs her eyes and peers around. She seems to be confused, awestruck, and ecstatic all at once. Adalae has already taken her seat at the table. The others stand waiting.

"Hello everyone," I announce as I make my way to my seat. Fowlson stands behind me, a protector. Polly sits next to Felicity and stares at the creatures enthralled. "I guess we will start by introducing our new guests. This here is Fowlson for anyone that has not met him yet. He helped us during the great battle years ago. And next to Felicity is Polly Worthington, Felicity's charge."

The creatures all say their polite hellos. We spend the rest of our time explaining what has been happening. Polly catches on quick. She fits in great with the group. I know she must be horribly confused, but she manages to stick with us. She is smart. I can also see that she is clever and witty. She has grown into quite a young woman.

Fowlson also fits in the group well. Those who fought alongside us during the battle treat him with the utmost respect. He is treated like a king here. I can tell he enjoys being treated so fairly.

"Well I guess we better get this vote underway. Polly, Fowlson, we are voting on a leader of the human tribe. You can choose to vote for either me or Adalae. Whoever wins the vote, will be the one in charge of the human tribe. She will attend meetings of the leaders when needed and create new laws if needed. Do you understand?"

They both nod yes. "In that case, who votes for Miss. Doyle?" Gorgon asks. All the hands go up, including Adalae's. "Well I guess there is no reason to even assume Adalae has a chance. It is unanimous then. Most High, you are the new leader. Welcome to the group."

"Thank you Gorgon. I am honored." Applause fills my ears. It feels nice to be treated as a leader. This is where I belong; this is my destiny. "My first act as leader is to promise you that we will have a sacrifice for the tree as soon as possible. We will bring him in as soon as we can. Until then we should meet here every night. I ask that everyone pretends that he will obtain great power by being the sacrifice."

"Are you lying to him in order to get him to be the sacrifice?" asks Philon.

"We are."

"That is murder, Most High," Gorgon interrupts.

"Every great leader has some blood on her hands." I don't believe my own words, but I know that is the only way for me to win this. The way I see it, it is better to kill Nick and save Kartik than the alternative.

"Most High, I do not think that makes a great leader."

"I have no other alternative, now do I?" I shout. Everyone is silent. My outburst has scared them. "I am sorry. We will do it my way though. I promise it will work out fine. Sometimes unmoral things must be done to have moral ends."

"As you wish," answers Gorgon. Everyone begins to leave. No one wants to be in the middle of another argument.

"Can we go to the Tree?" Felicity asks, full of excitement.

"Of course. I am sure Polly will want to see this."

"What is the Tree?" she asks.

"Follow me," I declare. She does as I say. Soon we are standing before it. "Touch it," I command.

"Why?"

"You'll see," I promise in return. Polly does. Her body goes limp in front of us. Fowlson does as well, followed by each of my friends. I am the last. I know that this could very well be the last time I ever see Kartik. I must be strong for him, but it seems impossible.

I touch the rough bark and I am falling into my dreams. I stand before him in the bright tree. I smile. He mimics. I laugh, so does he. He reaches out and touches my cheek. "I'm going to miss you," he coos.

"What will you miss?" I playfully tease to lighten to subject before I cry.

"Well what's not to miss? I will miss your smile, your laugh, the way you wrinkle your nose when you're angry. I will miss your green eyes that see entirely too much. I will miss the way you know just what to say to make might heart beat faster. I will miss the way your body feels underneath mine, the way your lips taste, and your smell. You want to know what I will miss the most?" Kartik asks.

"What?" I choke out. My voice cracks as I try to hold back the tears.

"The way you sound when you tell me you love me."

"I love you," I promise him. "Forever."

"And I love you too…forever." He kisses me. It is one of the urgent kisses that make my heart race. I can sense that he wants our last time to be perfect. I lean back against the bark of the tree. He kisses my neck gently. He is always so gentle. His tongue traces circles over my neck and collar. I push my weight into him until we are lying down.

Kartik pulls my dress over my head. I did not wear a corset tonight because I knew it would just come off anyway. His hands fumble with my underclothes. He is so gentle as he takes me in his hands and makes love. I want more. I want violence. I don't know how to tell him though. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

When we finish I stand up and dress. At some point the lights went off and now they are back on. Kartik is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. He sits, completely naked, and I admire his confidence. Even now I hide from him. His bulky arms are clenched. I can trace those long veins up his arms like a maze. I wish I could be in those veins. I want to be part of him. His chiseled abs are so beautiful.

He stands and pulls me into a hug. I place my hands on his warm chest where I can feel his heartbeat. He is here with me for now. My pale white hands contrast with his dark skin. I admire the way it looks, even though it is just more proof of why we were never supposed to be together.

"I love you," he says. Kartik's lips brush the skin on my forehead, then my cheeks, and finally my lips. I want his lips everywhere at once. I wish I could have him again, but I must go.

"I will be back again. I promise you that."

"And I will be waiting. Go and be brave Gemma. I will be here tomorrow."

"Kartik?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Will you do me a favor?" I ask honestly.

"Anything."

"Will you say it again?"

"I will be waiting?"

"Yes, that. Will you promise me that you will wait?" He knows that I mean on the other side.

"Only if you promise to give yourself to Mr. Carter."

"If that is what it takes to live an eternity with you, I will."

"I will see you soon, Gemma." He fades from my sight. The chilly air of the Winterlands nips at my moist cheeks. I can see that the others have been waiting. Felicity and Polly stand off to the distance. It looks as if Fee might be explaining things. Adalae is nowhere to be found. She must have left.

"Let's go," I announce harshly. I want to curl up in my bed and cry.

"Are you with me tonight?" I ask Fee, secretly hoping that she is not. I want to be alone to my thoughts even if the loneliness kills me.

"No. I will manage in my own room. Goodnight," she murmurs. She looks so sad, so lost. I worry that my time with Fee is coming to an end. It wouldn't surprise me if she skips town at the first available chance. I know I must do something to help her, but I have my own problems to solve.

Mr. Carter wrote me today. I find the letter on my desk. I have been putting off reading it all day, but I know I cannot avoid it forever. I sit down at my desk and tear it open.

_My Dearest Gemma,_

_I was glad to receive your letter. I am not upset with you for lying about your reasoning for returning to London. I do forgive you. There is no need for you to be worried about my reaction. I thought after the time we have spent together you would know me better than that. You could not upset me so easily. I understand that you have obligations in London that do not involve me. Furthermore, I love that you are independent and strong. Your avid insistence of our friendship, and only friendship, gives me a challenge. I do greatly admire your strength and courage._

_On a happier note, your job still waits for your return. I cannot wait to see you here again. I only hope that you would trust me enough to explain what is going on. In your letter you seemed somewhat sad. I beg your pardon if I am out of line to assume such negative thoughts. I want you to know that I am here, waiting. If you should decide to come back, I will offer you your job. I love you Gemma. As much as you try to push me away, it is undeniable. I love you. Don't forget about me while you find whatever it is you're looking for. _

_I hope you are having a pleasant time with your friends. Write me back if you feel like talking. I wait eagerly for your letter. If it never comes, I will not forget you. I hope you come back, but it is your choice. I want you to know that whatever you choose, I will survive. Don't make a decision for my benefit. Do what you need to do for you. Goodbye Gemma. I'll say it again: I love you._

_William Carter_

I should not have read the letter tonight. It just adds more thoughts to my already over-exerted mind. I need sleep. I need a new start in the morning. I undress quickly and lie down. I don't do much thinking once in bed. Sleep rescues me from my mind.


	34. Chapter 34

**Felicity**

May 17, 1901

Spence Academy

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  
I am a dreamer and when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you._

_Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt_

Today I feel surprisingly better. I am still nowhere near perfect, but I do feel improved. I make my way down to breakfast with my head held high again. No longer will I feel sorry for myself for my situation. I eat with Ann and Charlie and discuss the wedding plans with them. They intend to marry at the chapel here at Spence on June 30. I promise that I will go even though it is against my better judgment. I don't know where I will be come June.

After breakfast news arrives that Nick is here for Adalae. She is instructed to act normal. Fowlson will catch him before he can escape. I do not look at Adalae as we are all informed about behavior expectations I cannot bare her penetrating gaze.

After dressing more elegantly and doing her hair, she takes a walk with him out to the lake. I sit in my room and pretend to read. In reality I am a mess. I worry that she will slip up accidentally, or even worse, tell him on purpose. I want to trust her, and I of all people should, but I cannot. What if she is angry enough with me that she ruins this for all of us?

The minutes pass slowly, but finally they appear through the cover of trees. They walk closely. His arm stretches around her waist. He does not deserve to put his arm there. They stop and he steals a kiss. She pulls away and playfully hits him. He grabs her wrist and kisses her again, this time more deeply. Adalae does not pull away this time.

Nick escorts Adalae inside and they are no longer in my sight. I do see Fowlson coming from the shade of trees. He waits near the side of the school. I do not know what Nick and Adalae are doing downstairs, but it is taking a while. After about thirty minutes, I see Nick walking toward his carriage. Fowlson leaps at him and they land in a heap on the ground. They wrestle, but Nick does not stand a chance. Fowlson is much bigger and has more training.

Surprising me, Fowlson helps Nick up and then escorts him to the carriage. They both climb in and close the curtain. At this point I can only hope all goes well.

There is a knock at my door followed by the sound of footsteps. I turn slowly, not wanting to miss any of the action below. It is Gemma. She smiles at me. It is a sad smile, full of pain.

"Fowlson has him," I say because I cannot think of anything else.

"I know."

"Things are going to be different after tonight, aren't they?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Are you scared?"

"I'm terrified," Gemma answers. I can tell that she is done with this conversation. I want to help her, but cannot find any words. A part of me is glad that she is losing Kartik. I lost Pip. I know it is wrong of me to be joyous in her loss, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wish I was a better person.

"I'm leaving as soon as we are done with all this," I say to change the subject.

"Back to France?"

"Most likely. There is nothing for me here."

"Come to America with me," she insists.

"There is nothing in America for me either."

"There isn't anything in France for you. Felicity, I am begging you. I need a friend, especially if I am expected to move forward with my life."

"If you want to move forward, make new friends. And I am sure you can spend time with Adalae. And didn't Ann say they were thinking of moving there too? You will have people around."

"But you won't!"

"I don't need people," I say full of confidence. On the inside I know this is the most untrue lie of them all. I need people more than I could ever admit. The problem is I need one person, and she is dead.

"You don't need people, or you don't need me?" Gemma asks defeated.

I know that saying that I don't need her is going to hurt her bad, but it is the truth. I don't need nor want anyone. I plan on spending the rest of my life alone because only then can I be true to Pippa. I must be true to her. "I. Don't. Need. You."

Gemma's face falls. Her face is canvas to her soul. I see more colors displayed across it than even exist. "Well, if that is how it is, then why don't you leave now? We have everything in order. We don't need you at this stage in time!" Her voice cracks. The tears line her lids.

"If that is what you want then I will go. But I thought you wanted me around," I whisper.

"I want you to be happy!" she shouts back.

"I can't do that."

"Then leave!"

I pull my suitcase out from under my bed and begin to throw my gowns in it. Gemma stands by my bed and watches. I sniffle as I hold back the tears. Gemma has no tears to cry. She seems almost happy at my departure. "I wish you the best of luck with everything," I say sincerely as I lift my suitcase off the bed.

"Same to you," she assures. And with that I walk briskly out the door without a second glance. Because I have no one else that I even remotely care about, I head out the main doors just as quickly.

"Fowlson?" I ask outside of the carriage. The curtain slides open and I see Nick and Fowlson. "I am leaving. May I take this carriage?" He gives me a confused nod and steps out. Nick follows suit. Soon I am securely inside and well on my way back to London.

**Gemma**

I feel awful for the way I treated Fee. I have no idea what I am going to say to everyone else. I know Polly will be upset, as will Adalae. I make my way downstairs slowly. They are all waiting. Nick stands with an arrogant grin. Fowlson stands next to him looking sick to his stomach.

"Finally," Ann says. "So now we are just waiting on Fee."

"Felicity won't be here tonight," I say. They all look at me confused. "She left town earlier today," I continue. Their faces grow more confused and concerned. "She no longer wanted to be here."

"Where did she go?" Adalae asks.

"She didn't say."

"Why didn't she say goodbye?" Polly inquires

"She was in a hurry."

"Why was she in a hurry?" Adalae poses.

"I'm sorry everyone, but she is gone. If you want more information you are going to have to ask her. She wanted to leave; that is all I know." The lie burns my throat on the way out. I feel like explaining would be much too difficult though.

"Can we go now?" Nick asks impatiently.

"I think that best." I take hold of Polly and Ann's hands. The rest grab hold around them. Soon we are stepping through the door. Gorgon and the others stand waiting. When they see that Nick is here, they follow our lead. Soon we are by the Tree.

"Would you all be willing to give me a minute?" I ask the group. They understand what I am asking and give me my time.

"Take as much time as you need Most High," says Gorgon.

"Thank you." I touch my hand to the Tree and feel the familiar falling sensation. I know when I am inside without opening my eyes.

"I told you I would wait," Kartik announces as he clears his throat. I smile at him though the movement feels all wrong in light of things. "So Felicity left?" he asks, trying to distract me.

"Yes, and it is my fault."

"I am sorry. She will return, you know?"

"How can you be so sure?" I ask through the tears that have started sliding down my cheeks.

"I know her soul, remember?" Kartik laughs his perfect chuckle. I step closer to him.

"This is it," I say. He knows what I mean. He closes the space between us and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Gemma?" he whispers into my hair.

"Yes," I choke out.

"You made my life worth living." I take a deep breath that falters at his touch. His hands move up until they are on my neck. "Kiss me," he commands. I do not hesitate. I kiss him with every fiber of my being. My lips take hold of his tightly. My tongue juts in and out of his mouth. I breathe in his hot breath and moan into his mouth.

His hands slide back down my back and begin to pull at my clothing. I once again chose not to wear a corset. Tonight I allow him to take his time. His hands draw pictures on the bare skin of my back once he pulls my top over my head. His lips breathe a new life on my neck.

"Kartik?" I ask, suddenly bold.

"Hmm?" he mumbles into the spot where my neck and collarbone meet.

"I want you to leave marks." He stops and meets my gaze.

"You want what?" he asks confused.

"Please don't be gentle with me. I want to feel you after your gone. I want a reminder of this." I am begging him desperately. My eyes are draining all the emotion I have had locked inside.

"Well in that case," Kartik smiles a mischievous smile, "this may hurt a little." And with that he has me pinned against the Tree. His teeth bite into the soft skin of my neck. I yelp a little, but smile at the sensation. My fingers play with the buttons of his shirt. Once his chest is revealed, I run my fingernails over him savoring the way his skin feels under the soft pads of my fingers. His hands tug at my underpants until they are around my ankles. I step out of them as I untie his pants.

He pushes me harder against the Tree. I love the way the hard, cold bark contrasts with his smooth, warm body in front of me. His lips trail kisses and bites down my neck and into my bosom where nibbles and bites me causing the most unlady-like sounds to come from my mouth.

Our breathing picks up as he prepares to do what my body is yearning for. My hips buck toward him. He is taunting me by not giving me what I want yet. But he takes his time. For the first time I realize that Kartik left the lights on for this. He can see me, all of me. A blush spreads across my cheeks, but I do nothing to stop him. I don't care that he can see me. I love him.

We lay in each others arms breathless. Whenever I am with Kartik it seems so perfect. I cannot even imagine what it will be like with Mr. Carter. For the first time, I let my thoughts stray over to that. He is an attractive man, so I assume it will be pleasurable. But, I love and want Kartik so much.

"I love you," he says, breaking the silence.

"I love you too." The tears continue. I realize that I have been crying this whole time.

"It's all going to work out. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I trust you more than anyone else," I assure him. Kartik's eyes gloss over. I can see that he is holding back tears too. "I am really going to miss you."

"We will see each other again. You have to believe that."

"I do believe it. I just hope it comes sooner than later."

"Gemma, I want you to give him everything you can. Don't hold back from him because of me." One solitary tear drips down Kartik's cheek and falls on his broad chest. I watch its trail, trying to memorize his body, his voice, and his scent.

"I will only because he deserves it. But he will always be second best."

"You don't know how happy that makes me." His voice seems to be shaky, as if it hurts to talk. I kiss his lips and taste the flavor. After a long silence, Kartik says, "We could have been magical."

"We were magical."

"We are magical." The tears spill out faster. "Will you tell your kids about me?"

"Of course I will. I wish they were your kids."

"Well I guess this is goodbye then." Kartik stands up and pulls me with him. My clothes are all over the place. I almost forgot about the dagger that had been attached to my hip. Kartik picks it up as I dress. I watch as he pulls his pants up. The muscles in his arms flex instinctively. I smile.

When we are both completely dressed, Kartik takes my hand in his. He squeezes it tight. "I want you to know that you have made me the happiest person alive. I love you Gemma. Be strong out there. Hold me in your heart."

I can barely manage to talk between the sobs. "I am a better person because of you. I will never forget the time we have had. I love you more than myself, more than anyone. I will come to you one day. But in the meanwhile I must fulfill my destiny. I thank God everyday for you Kartik."

His lips touch mine gently. They move slowly. Our tears blend together. When he pulls away he slides his cheek against mine. I dig my face into his hair and breathe in deeply. "You're my hero," Kartik sighs into my ear.

I do not let go before fading back into the Winterlands. In fact, I am hugging the Tree when I open my eyes. The others are standing in small groups talking. They all look at me as I appear. I look into their faces and cry harder. Not only have I lost Kartik today, but Fee too. I wish she were here.

"It is time," announces Gorgon. "Do you have the dagger?" I slide it out of the holder on my waist. Ann grabs me by my wrist and pulls me from the Tree. I cry into her shoulder as she holds me tight. She runs her hands through my hair and soothes me like my mother used to.

It hits me that life is short. Our days are numbered. I am only 24 and I have already lost so much. I worry that when I look back on my life I will have lost more than gained. This brings a whole new batch of tears. Ann does her best but I can barely hold it together.

At the Tree Fowlson has the dagger out ready to cut Nick. Nick holds out his wrists waiting for the pain. Fowlson slices into Nick's wrists. A drop of blood falls on the roots of the Tree. It grows in size, getting bigger by the second. The wind picks up. I hear a soft murmur in the breeze. It says, "Gemma." I know it is Kartik's goodbye. He is released.

The roots of the Tree begin grabbing at Nick. They wrap around him and pull him in. The wind dies. It is just us. There is a small patch of blood in the icy grass. Other than that, everything is exactly as it used to be.

We all walk back in silence. No one wants to disturb me. I lean heavily on Ann. I feel bad, but I cannot stop the tears. My heart feels like it has been ripped out and stomped on. I want to curl up under the Earth and never resurface. I barely manage to focus enough for us all to get through the door. I know Adalae helped out some.

I make my way back to my room in silence. I crawl into my cold bed and cry. The sobs don't slow down until close to dawn. And then my body gives up. I fall asleep completely exhausted and alone. The last thought to go through my mind is that I don't know who took the dagger.


	35. Chapter 35

**Gemma**

May 18, 1901

Spence Academy

_Here We go  
Welcome to my Funeral  
Without you  
I don't even have a pulse  
All alone it's dark and cold  
With every move I die  
Here I go this is my confessional  
A lost cause nobody can save my soul  
I am so delusional  
With every move I die_

_Dancing with Tears in my Eyes, Ke$ha_

I wake up and it is still dark outside. At first I think that I have only slept for a few minutes, but I notice a tray of food on my desk. I must have slept all day. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I contemplate my options. I want more than anything to just leave, to get away from all of this now. I have a new obligation to the realms though.

For the first time in my life I wish that I had never been given these powers. I wish I could take it all back. If it meant that Felicity would still have Pippa and I would be happily married, then it would be worth it. My door opens and one of the maids tiptoes in. I realize that I miss Brigid.

"I'm awake, you don't need to sneak around," I groan.

"Oh I am sorry Miss. Doyle. Are you feeling better?" This maid seems very jumpy. She is young, possible seventeen. I feel overwhelming sympathy for her.

"I am feeling much better. Do you think you can maybe find Miss. Bradshaw for me? I would like to speak with her."

"I will go now. Do you want me to bring you any food or drink?"

"No, I am not hungry. Thank you though." My voice sounds worn out. My body aches all over. I wish I could fall back asleep but I am up now. I wait for Ann in silence. My eyes burn when she enters with a bright candle.

"How you feeling?" Ann asks gently.

"Not great," I answer honestly. "How am I going to get through this?"

"Time heals everything. Give it some time."

"Time didn't heal Felicity," I groan.

"That is because Felicity didn't allow time to heal her. You are stronger than Fee. You are willing to be healed. Felicity, on the other hand, is a masochist. She loves the pain."

"I made her leave," I cry out, feeling the relief of honesty wash through me.

"Who? Felicity?" Ann looks into my eyes and sees the anguish. "She won't be mad at you forever."

"How do you know?"

"I've seen how much you mean to her. She relies on you so much. Did I tell you about the time I visited her in France?"

"You saw her?" I ask stunned.

"It was about a year after we all went separate ways. I was in Paris for a show. I decided to go out and find her when she didn't respond to my letter or show up for the play. I found her at a brothel—"

"The Moulin Rouge," I interrupt.

"Yes, that was it. She was at the Moulin Rouge. She wasn't a dancer, but she went to watch the show. She sat alone in a corner with a bottle of absinthe. When I approached, she smiled at me warmly. It was like she actually missed me. Anyway, we took a walk through the streets of Paris.

"She spent the whole time talking about how much it meant to see me. She said that she really missed having us around. She really missed you Gemma. It is all she could talk about."

"I just can't really see things ever going back to the way they were."

"They won't be the same as before. They will be better."

Ann's confidence is reassuring. "When did you get so confident?" I ask.

"I don't know when it happened, but I know where I learned it. You and Fee taught me everything I need to know about being self-assured." I smile at Ann. Suddenly I feel bad for being so distant these last couple of weeks.

"When is the wedding?"

"June 30. I was actually going to ask you something. Will you be my maid of honor?" I am genuinely shocked that Ann would choose me. I smile and nod my approval, but cannot help but feel a twinge of sadness. A wedding will be difficult to get through.

"I am going back to America as soon as we are finished in the realms. I guess I will plan on coming back in late June."

"When do you think we will be finished in the realms?" Ann asks.

"Hopefully very soon. I do not want to possess the magic for longer than necessary. It takes too much out of my body. Besides, it is not my magic to have. Do you mind if we skip going to the realms tonight?"

"Already covered. Adalae went earlier and told the creatures that you will not make it tonight. We will plan for tomorrow night then?"

"Yes. Tomorrow night we will make the prison and then return the magic to the land. And then I will return home."

"What about the dance?"

"The others will manage without me. I will return home as soon as possible."

"And what should I do with the dagger?"

"You have it?" I ask happy to know that someone I trust has it.

"Yes. Would you like it back?"

I think about her question. Do I want it back? Finally I answer, "Yes,"

"Very well then. I will see you tomorrow morning. It is time for vespers."

"Goodbye Ann," I say as she leaves my room. I decide to try and sleep some more even though I am not tired. As I lay in my bed I think about all the fun times we had back when we were young. Back when it was just Ann, Fee, and I, life was so easy. I remember the time we had a snowball fight. It was amazing. Kartik looked so perfect in his black cloak. The memory brings a batch of tears. I already miss him.

Soon my memories turn into dreams. I sleep peacefully.


	36. Chapter 36

**Please Review!**

**Gemma**

May 19, 1901

Spence Academy

_Pulling you in, spinning you 'round,  
Lifting your feet right off the ground,  
You can't believe it's happening now.  
Can You feel it, can you feel it,  
Rushin' through your hair,  
Rushin' through your head,  
Can you feel it, can you feel it_

_Rush, Aly and AJ_

I wake from a string of perfect dreams to the feeling of Ann's cold hand plastered on my forehead. I jump with a start and scold Ann with my eyes.

"Sorry, I was just seeing if you are still sick," Ann apologizes. I do not answer. I slide my feet out of the covers and shiver. While rubbing my sleepy eyes, I make my way behind the changing screen. I pull my corset on and walk back out to get Ann's help. The feeling of her hands pinching me in takes me back to when we were roommates.

"Oh my. Gemma, are you ok?" Ann asks when I lift my hair for her to begin tying.

"What are you talking about?" I snap. It is the morning and I am far too tired for Ann's games.

"You have…bruises all over your neck and shoulders." The realization sets in. I leap from her grip and run to my mirror. I see what she means. I have little purple circles covering my neck, shoulders, and chest like a cheetah. I slide my underclothes down, revealing more skin. Sure enough, the dark purple spots continue on.

Forgetting Ann's presence, I pull my undershirt off over my head. The bruises continue on. Some look like thumb prints; others are more like bite marks. Ann gasps when she sees my back. I turn around and peer at it in the mirror. They are everywhere. Though on the back, the bruises are paired with scratches, most likely from the tree bark. For the first time I look at my hands. My writs have grip marks around them. The memory of Kartik holding my hands too tight above my head floods my memory.

I am warmed by the bruises. It means that I did have him again. I didn't just imagine the whole situation. I have proof of his love. Our physical love left its small reminders on my body. I smile at my self.

"How are we going to hide them?" Ann asks, already thinking ahead. It had not occurred to me until now that I will need to find a way to hide the ones on my neck.

"Tie my corset," I insist as I slide the undershirt back on. "I will wear my hair down to cover the marks."

"That is improper," Ann exclaims.

"I understand that. But I think it would be worse for me to walk around all day with bite marks. Don't you agree?" I say between my teeth.

"It's just—"

"Ann, tie my corset!" I demand before she can finish.

The realms seem to be dull and lacking something when we enter. I do not know if it is because I miss Kartik or if it is just me noticing too much. Either way, I am in no mood to do what must be done tonight.

We tread our way to the Tree in silence. I think the creatures are afraid to mention last night after all my tears. I wish they hadn't seen me like that. When we reach the Tree, Gorgon steps in front of everyone else and asks me quietly, "Are you ok to do this today?"

"I will be fine," I answer, though the Tree already has me aching in my core. I step past her and look around. Others have gathered to watch. I am sure many creatures are worried that I will not return the magic. I promise everyone that I will before pressing my hands to the cold earth.

I have no idea what to say. I remember what I said to replace the magic. _I give the magic back to the realms and the Winterlands, too, it may be shared equally among the tribes! _I remember that day so vividly. Like all memories, the edges seem to be blurred, but the moments that were most influential remain the same. I can still smell the blood from my side, the sweat on Kartik's cheek, the vines of the Tree. It is as if it all happened yesterday. I want this to be over. I want to take the magic one last time, and then to never have to feel it again.

I grip the grass under my palm and inhale deeply. All eyes are focused on me. I look around. I wish Felicity were here. I need her to be here. A tear slides down my cheek and drops on to the grass causing it to grow longer. "I take the magic back from the realms and the Winterlands. It will live in me once again!" I shout as I feel the ground shaking underneath me.

A rush of power surges up my arms and into the rest of me. I can feel the magic, more powerful than I even remember, cycling through every pore in my body as it finds a haven. I fall back in exhaustion. The magic is too much. It burns inside me, waiting to be released. The Tree grows in size as it spurts out the last of its magic. Then it slinks back to normal size and moans deeply. The ground under me cracks. The grass dies. Everything seems to be dying.

And that is when I hear it. Too many voices are shouting at me. When I look around I see that no one is talking. I can hear their thoughts. I focus on Ann so that I can tune out some of the noise. _This is extraordinary. I never thought I would see this again. _I look away from her eyes and the clamor starts back up again. My eyes find Adalae's. _If only Felicity were here. She deserves to see this. I shouldn't have gone and ruined everything. _"Gemma, are you alright?" Adalae asks out loud.

"Everyone stop!" I shout. The world falls silent around me. I look around and see that I have stopped time completely. Using a little of the magic relieved some of the burning pain inside me. Now I know this was so difficult for Kartik. "Resume," I say.

The clamor of inner thoughts fills my head again. _Relax, _I tell myself. _I don't want to hear thoughts. _It goes silent again. Everyone stares at me like I am about to combust. I still need to get rid of some of this magic before I can stand. "Ann, come here," I demand. She walks near me slowly. "Give me your hand."

I take her hand in mine and focus on giving her some of the magic. I can feel what she feels. The connection when magic is exchanged is so intimate. Her feelings for Charlie are strong. I give her enough and then pull away. "I missed this feeling," she exclaims.

"Line up leaders. I will give each of you some magic to help me build this castle." They do as I say. One-by-one I give away some of the magic. With each person, I feel somewhat better. The magic is no longer controlling me. When I join hands with Adalae I feel a deep commitment to Felicity. I can tell that she loves Fee as much as Pippa did. For this I give her a little more magic than the others.

When everyone has a share of the magic, I begin to walk back toward the garden. "Where should we build the prison?" I ask as we walk.

"Most High," Gorgon answers. "I was thinking we could build it in the Borderlands, where the castle used to be."

"What about all the mess that is still there?" I ask.

"We could build it with the rubble," Asha suggests.

I think it over for a few minutes and then agree. Felicity already cleaned up Pippa's body so I am not worried about that. I am sure she wouldn't mind either. "Alright."

We walk on. Soon we are standing in front of the destroyed castle. "I do not know if this will work, but it is worth a try. Everyone get in a line and put your hands on the person in front of you. I will stand in front. I want everyone to focus all their magic on me. I will then focus on building the prison. Does this make sense?"

I am answered by a loud exclamation of joy. It seems that everyone is willing to follow me exclusively. I can feel the magic itching under my skin. It wants to be released. Everyone begins to line up. Gorgon stands directly behind me, and I wish it was Fee. "Alright, now!" I shout to my followers.

The magic bursts within me. There's a buzzing inside my ear. I focus all my strength on a prison. It looks like a castle in my mind. I throw my hands out and push all the magic toward the mess of rocks. They begin to move and shape. Pillars go up, followed by walls. My mind is getting weary. The determination to do this feels like my brain is exploding inside my head. There is only one heartbeat as well all focus together.

I can feel some of the creatures growing too tired. Their magic tatters to a stop. The magic I have blows through me with the force of a bomb. My knees are starting to buckle under me. Suddenly I realize that the effort has me screaming. My muscles tighten as I push the last of what I have in me from my body. I fall limp to the ground just as the last piece clatters to the roof of the castle.

I look up. We have done it! A full castle stands in front of us, sturdy and cold. I breathe heavily. We spend some time catching our breath. I know that I can do nothing else tonight. I have exerted all my energy. "We will finish tomorrow night," I announce to the group.

"What about the magic?" Philon asks.

"It will fade from you soon enough. Tomorrow night I will remove all magic from these premises. Then I will return the magic to the realms for good. For now I am too tired."

"What about the ball?" Ann ponders.

"We will slip out during the ball. Can everyone do that?" I look around my human friends. They all nod. My eyes catch Polly's. She looks absolutely horrified. I can tell this is all too much to take in at once. I really do wish Felicity was here to guide her. I know now that I must be the one to help her out since Fee abandoned her again.

"Now, I need rest. Can we please be getting back?" Adalae helps me up and then holds my hand. Together, we get everyone out. I crawl up to my room in silence and fall into bed with a thud. The soft cover of sleep blankets me gently.


	37. Chapter 37

**Gemma**

May 20, 1901

Spence Academy

_Situated in the present alive in the  
moment of now separated from attachment  
- gone but not forgotten what is meant  
to be inevitably will be, destiny a force  
rather than an outcome of events  
my point of change is on the horizon,  
what brought it together now took it away  
chapters open, chapters close,  
opportunities rise and fall like an everlasting circle_

_Closed Chapter, Alchemist_

Today I feel like I have been run over by a stampede of horses. I can tell that my friends are worse off without the magic to restore them though. Adalae still has the magic. I can tell by the way she carries herself. Polly seems to be tired, which means she hides it well. Ann is almost back to normal. I am jealous of her acting skills.

It is almost time to begin getting ready for the ball. I decide that I should pull Polly aside now, before it is too late. I interrupt her in her group of friends and ask if she will join me in the kitchen for some tea. She agrees eagerly.

"That was so awesome!" she exclaims as soon as we sit down. I look around hesitantly in case one of the maids is here. "I'm glad you liked it," I assure. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. And a little sore. It is like my mind hurts. Is that normal?"

"Yes. The magic sometimes takes a toll on your body."

"Why are you giving the magic back?" Polly wonders.

"I have to. I know it sounds appealing to have all the power, but it is not. The magic is a burden."

"Felicity told me that you can use the magic here if you want to."

"I can, but I am not going to. I will give the magic back tonight. I do not want to hold this power anymore. But that is not why I am here. I wanted to ask you if you are handling all of this ok?"

"I think this is the most astonishing thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for allowing me."

Polly seems to be sweeter than Fee. Then again, I didn't know Felicity at 13. I hope Polly does not grow to be just as bitter as Felicity is. "It was no problem. I am glad to have you. Do you have any questions?"

"Why did Fee leave?" The question catches me off guard. I thought Polly was going to ask about the realms or the magic. I still don't know how to explain Fee's flee.

"Honestly Polly, Felicity can be very complicated. We argue sometimes. This last time, she left in a fit of anger."

"Do you think she is coming back?"

I have asked myself this question many times. I can't stand to lie to Polly. "I doubt it. When Felicity runs, she usually doesn't stop. I'm sorry," I add genuinely.

"It isn't your fault. I just wish I could experience this with her."

"Me too." I reach out and grab Polly's hand. She shutters away from the touch. I know now that she is like Felicity when it comes to trust. "I'm sorry for what he did." I say to make her feel better.

"Don't be. There is nothing you can do to change that either. I don't want your sympathy." With that Polly gets up and leaves. It seems that I am incapable of doing anything right with the Worthington girls.

The ball is going exactly as planned. Many of the families of the older girls have come to visit. We chat with anyone who wants to chat. We will meet outside the school at eight to leave. I am in a conversation with the mother of a young girl named Elizabeth Reed when I feel a slight pat on my shoulder.

I turn around and stop dead in my tracks. In front of me stands a man a head taller than me with blonde hair and emerald eyes. "I heard there was a ball and I couldn't miss it," Mr. Carter beams.

"Mr. Carter! You're here!" I exclaim. The shock has me shaking as I hug him tight. "What-why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you. As soon as I got your letter, I wrote you back. But then I decided I should just come see you. Are you upset with me?" His smile falters.

"Absolutely not. I am just surprised. It is so nice to see you!" And it is. I have missed him more than I realized. Somehow Mr. Carter manages to make me feel happy, even when I know I should not be. Like now for instance. I should be sad because Kartik is gone, and I am, but I don't feel that throbbing pain in my heart.

"Will you dance with me, Miss. Doyle?" Mr. Carter asks like a perfect gentleman. I turn around and notice that Mrs. Reed has left.

"Of course," I grin. Mr. Carter twirls me around the dance floor awkwardly. Americans dance very different from the British. We are laughing loudly as we stumble over each other. Soon I realize that others are watching us with eagerness and curiosity. I am not the type of Spence girl anyone wants their daughter to grow into.

"They are watching," Mr. Carter muses. "It must be my effortless dancing."

"Or maybe it is my ability to step on your feet on beat," I giggle.

"That is quite possible. Do you want to give them something to really talk about?"

"You know I love being talked about," I mock eagerness. Simon's head dips down and he kisses my lips gently. The kiss begins soft and slow but evolves into a passionate kiss. The world seems to have stopped around me. I feel the magic beneath my skin itching to be released. I pull out of the kiss slowly, to savor the feeling.

"I'm sorry," Mr. Carter expresses, misreading my response.

"Don't be. I'm just not really ready for that," I admit honestly. I look around and see scolding faces everywhere. My body is shaking as it tries to hold back the magic. "I have to go for a minute. I will be back. I promise." Before he can respond I run outside. The cool air helps a little, but not enough.

Adalae sits alone on the stairs. "Adalae, why aren't you inside? It is early if you're waiting to leave." She wipes at her face and then looks up at me. Her eyes are puffy and red. "What's wrong?" I ask concerned.

"It's nothing. Why aren't you at the ball?" she asks to change the subject.

"I need to release some of the magic. It is trying to control me."

"I still can feel it. It is not as strong, but I still have some."

"You can probably keep it longer than the others because you have some of your own powers. It will fade soon."

"I told her that I love her," Adalae says after an awkward silence.

I have no response to this. I understand that Felicity rejected her because of that small four letter word. "Mr. Carter kissed me in front of everyone," I confess. Adalae looks me in the eye and then starts laughing. I am glad that my embarrassment is humorous to her.

Fowlson approaches from the woods. At the same time, Polly exits the main doors with Ann close behind. "We ready?" I ask my group. They all nod an affirmative. "Alright. Let's get this done and over with."

We make our way to the newly built castle with a lot of chatter and laughing. Everyone seems to be confident and happy. Peace is near. I know it too. We reach the walls and I am stuck again. I am not completely sure how to seal this place.

"What do I do?" I ask my friends in hope of some advice.

"Maybe you should just place your hands on it and then say something," Philon announces.

Doubt fills my mind. I am not sure that I can do this. Slowly, I slip my hand onto the cold stone. I call on the magic, allowing it to vibrate through me as it festers. My mind searches eagerly for the right words.

Finally I say, "Anything or anyone who enters these walls loses all access to magic until they exit. The magic has no power inside these barriers." I feel the magic expand in me and burst forth into the castle. It does not take as much out of me this time. I am still tired, but not exhausted.

"Let's go back to the Tree," I announce after catching my breath.

"Did it work?" Polly asks.

"We will find out as soon as the magic is returned to the realms," Ann answers.

"This is why we should go now. I do not want this extra power any longer." I lead the pack on the way to the Winterlands. Since yesterday, the ground has gotten more cracked and barren. The Tree looks like it is dying. I can only hope that Kartik made it out alive.

For the second and hopefully last time in my life, I put my hands to the soil below me. "I give the magic back to the realms and the Winterlands, too, it may be shared equally among the tribes!"

The magic drains my body slowly allowing me a moment to savor the feeling of complete power. And then I am left as before. Grass sprouts up immediately. The Tree bursts back to life. Everything around here seems to be growing again. I smile. The magic is something truly beautiful. It is the only thing that can bring those who are dead back. We all take a moment to marvel at the beauty of it all before saying our goodbyes and leaving.

It dawns on me that another phase of my life is over. This is where I have to go back to normal. Everything is restored to its former glory and I am free to leave. If only Felicity could share this moment with me.


	38. Chapter 38

**So my story is getting close to be over. I would really appreciate some more reviews before I end it.**

**Felicity**

June 15, 1901

Paris

_And it starts...  
Sometime around midnight  
Or at least that's when  
You lose yourself  
For a minute or two  
As you stand...  
Under the barlights  
And the band plays some song  
About forgetting yourself for a while  
And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack  
To her smile  
And that white dress she's wearing  
You haven't seen her  
For a while  
But you know...  
That she's watching  
She's laughing, she's turning  
She's holding her tonic like a crux  
The room suddenly spinning  
She walks up and asks how you are  
So you can smell her perfume  
You can see her lying naked in your arms  
And so there's a change...  
In your emotions  
And all of these memories come rushing  
Like feral waves to your mind  
Of the curl of your bodies  
Like two perfect circles entwined  
And you feel hopeless, and homeless  
And lost in the haze  
Of the wine  
And she leaves...  
With someone you don't know  
But she makes sure you saw her  
She looks right at you and bolts  
As she walks out the door  
Your blood boiling  
Your stomach in ropes_

_Sometime Around Midnight, The Airborne Toxic Event_

It is a Saturday night and I have nothing to do. I do not feel like going to the Moulin Rouge. Nor do I feel like going to the theater. I walk the city of Paris in search of something that a lonely person can do. I run through my mind all the possible places. It occurs to me that I haven't been to Le Sale est Monté in a long time. Before I found the Moulin Rouge it was my favorite place.

I take a right down one of the more slum-like streets and begin to walk that way. I remember these streets vividly. I belong here. The dark streets suit my dark heart well. The club appears before me. I forgot how small and quaint this place is. I open the doors and walk in to the dimly lit dance hall.

The tables sit to the left of the dance floor. The bar is in the back. I walk to the bar and order a glass of rum. The bartender winks and gives me my alcohol free of charge. I sit on the stool and look around the place. My favorite part of being here is that nothing ever changes. It has been years since the last time I was here. Even so, nothing is different. Even the people appear to be the same.

I am sitting at the bar drinking my rum when a particularly beautiful face appears from the hoards of people. I stare her down in wonderment. _What is Adalae doing here?_ I think to myself. A man stands with his arm around her neck. His lips brush close to her ear as he asks her something. She nods and he begins to walk this way.

"Yes, I will take two whiskeys!" he shouts over the band. My eyes find Adalae again. She sits at a table now. She peers around in awe. I take it she has not been to a true French club before. Her partner returns to her and gives her the drink. She takes a gulp and asks him something. He shakes his head and she pouts. He rolls his eyes and takes her hand.

They walk to the dance floor. He twirls her around and around, her skirts circling around her. His hands grip her waist. I feel sick to my stomach. One of his hands slides up further. He grips her neck and kisses her briefly on the lips. The band slows the pace. They begin to dance more slowly. I drink down the last of the rum with a gulp.

He twirls Adalae slowly. Her eyes scan the crowd. She spots me. Our eyes hold each other. I long to hold her the way he is. I soften my stare just as she hardens hers. Her arms flex as she pulls him closer. His hand moves to her front and grips her breast. I groan just as the bartender hands me more rum. I pound it down in two hungry gulps.

After the dance is over, Adalae walks toward me and stops in front of me. I look into my empty glass. "How are you?" she shouts over the noise.

I look up for the first time. "I'm fine," I say back even though what I long to say is that I want that man to take his hands off of her.

"I didn't go to the Moulin Rouge because I didn't want to see you."

"Well unfortunately I came here tonight," I retort.

"Well I better get back to my date then. I'm sorry for intruding. It was really great seeing you again Felicity."

"Sure," I reply. Adalae looks disappointed in my response. She turns and heads back to the man. I have nothing else to say. All the memories scan through my thoughts. I can see her naked body in my arms. I want that moment back.

Looking at the bartender, I ask for the whole bottle of rum. I slap down more than enough money and take the bottle out the door. I drink as I stumble down the streets. I don't care that people are staring. I am drunk and alone. I hate my life. _I hate my life!_


	39. Chapter 39

**Gemma**

June 30, 1901

A Carriage

_So let me hold you in my arms a while,  
I was always careless as a child.  
And there's a part of me that still believes,  
My soul will soar above the trees.  
But a desperate fear flows through my blood,  
That our dea__d loves buried beneath the mud.  
Let's grow old together,  
And die at the same time.  
Let's grow old together,  
And die at the same time._

_To Lose My Life, White Lies_

The sun peeks through the curtain and heats the closed cabin considerably. Even though my dress is made for summer festivities, I am experiencing severe heat waves. Mr. Carter sits next to me, engrossed in his book. His knee knocks lightly against mine with each movement of the horses. Noticing that I am awake, he shuts his book and sets it aside.

"How are you feeling? The rest help settle your stomach?"

"A little, thank you." I smile at his kindness. William has a strange way of making me feel calm. He is too good for me and I know it. He was so accepting when I told him about my condition. I think back to that day. I was so nervous to tell him. He surprised me by hugging me gently and allowing me to cry.

I was even more surprised when he asked me to marry him the next day. I thought he would want to get as far from me as possible. I was wrong. William loves me exactly as I am and is willing to accept all the issues I have. "Are you going to tell your friends today?" he asks.

"I'm not sure. I mean it is Ann's big day. I don't want to steal the spotlight with our news."

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"I'm sure you're right," I reply. I peer out the curtain and see that we are getting really close. I am nervous beyond belief. When I left Spence last month, I was a mess. Between the chaos in the realms and my drama with Fee, I was absolutely terrible to be around. I had not expected Mr. Carter to be so kind on the way back to America when I was an emotional wreck from my thoughts of Kartik.

The name still causes my heart to beat faster. The difference is that I know I will see him one day. This is what he wanted. I am engaged to a very good man. I guess I am the winner in this situation too. Not only did I get a man that I am not worthy of, I am pregnant with the baby of the man I love most.

The school appears in front of me. I can see the main lawn has been changed into an alter and decorated with flowers. Carriages line the road from the front of the school all the way down the road for as far as the eye can see. Lawn chairs have been set out for guests to sit and watch. The air smells of lilies. Our driver pulls up at the entrance and opens the door for William. William turns and helps me out as well.

I look around hesitantly. I do not know who all is coming to this today. The first person I see is Mrs. Nightwing arguing with Reverend Wyatt. She spots me and waves me over.

I approach with William on my arm. "Mrs. Nightwing, how nice to see you again so soon," I say politely.

"The pleasure is mine. How do you do Mr. Carter?"

"Please it is William to friends. I do very well.

"I am glad to hear it." Turning to me, Nightwing adds, "Ann is inside. She is in my office getting ready. I am sure she will be very happy that you have arrived."

"Thank you. Excuse me, William. I must attend to my friend." I lean in and kiss his cheek before walking inside the main doors. I walk slowly up the stairs. On the second floor I hear commotion coming from one of the rooms. I am sure the men are preparing down there. I keep trudging up the stairs.

Finally I reach Nightwing's office. The doors are closed. I knock gently and announce my arrival. The doors swing open and in front of me stands Ann in all white. She looks stunning.

"Finally!" she snaps. "What took you so long?"

"Ann, relax. I am here, aren't I?" She takes a deep breath and nods. The maids are spinning throughout the room fixing this and adjusting that.

"I'm sorry. I'm just a little anxious today."

"And you have every right to be. Ann, you're getting married today," I exclaim.

"I know!" she squeals.

From that point on every thing goes very fast. Ann fidgets as the ladies do her hair. I pace the room and watch. This is all too much. I want to get it started. Finally, after what feels like hours, we are given the go ahead to walk downstairs. I exit the building first and walk down the white carpet to the makeshift alter. Ann follows.

Once standing in front of the crowd, I take the opportunity to see who all has come. I spot Adalae first. She sits in between two men. One who is much older and another who seems to be around our age. The younger one holds her small hand in his. A few rows behind her are Cecily and Tom. Near them are Elizabeth, Martha, and their husbands. I continue searching the bride side of the crowd. Finally I see her. Felicity sits in the back and stares straight at me. Our eyes meet. I pull away and look at Ann. Inside I am jumping with joy because Felicity made it.

The wedding goes as planned. Reverend Wyatt gives a sermon about the important of marriage. Then he allows them to exchange vows and give the rings. Finally he announces the happy couple husband and wife. Charlie leans down and gently kisses Ann's lips. She looks so happy. Tears well up in my eyes.

The wedding ceremony ends just in time. Clouds begin to cover the sun. People start to scramble to get inside where there is food and shelter. As I walk in the doors, I glance back to make sure no one is stuck in the rain. Two people remain, but I leave them be.

**Felicity**

I approach Adalae as she begins to walk toward the doors. I call her name. She stops and turns on her heel. I run to catch up with her. As soon as I reach her, I realize that I have a thousand things I want to say and no way to begin. I freeze up and stare into her beautiful face. She is even tanner than before.

"What do you want Felicity?" she finally poses.

I take a deep breath. I am not sure how this is going to come out, but it is worth a try. "You. I want you Adalae. I made a terrible mistake when I ran from you. I was stupid and selfish and childish. I have spent the last month—"

"Fel—"

"Don't interrupt me," I plead. "Hear me out. Just this once. Please." Adalae takes a deep breath and agrees to listen. "When I left I decided to never look back. I wanted to run away from this all, but I realized I couldn't. No matter where I went and what I did, I could not erase my memories of you. I tried and tried. But, you remained. You're like a little bug that crawled in my ear and made a nest in my memory. I can't terminate you no matter how hard I try.

"I spent weeks trying to find a distraction. I found none. And then it hit me. I love you. I don't know how I missed it before. It's so simple. I love you, Adalae Carmichael. I realized it the minute you walked into that club with that man. He put his hands on your waist and I wanted to kill him for it. I love you," I say with a sigh. "And I'm sorry for my stupidity."

"Felicity, I…I am really sorry. But, I have moved on. I am with another person now. I feel terrible," Adalae moans. Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like someone dropped a piano on my head. The sky splits open and the rain begins to pour, soaking our hair and weighing our bodies down.

"What?" I cry out.

"That man I was with, I am still with him. I met him in London while I was staying there. And then we went to Paris to visit. I'm…I think I might be in love with him." Adalae looks into my eyes. I am sure she can see my heart breaking into thousands of pieces. "I…I don't know what to say."

"You're supposed to say you love me too," I whisper as the full realization sets in. I gave my heart away and she tossed it aside.

"I do love you, Felicity. But, you are so complicated. He is not." Adalae begins to cry. At least it looks like she could be. I tell myself that she is not crying; it is just the rain.

"So this is it then?" I ask. "We are ending it here?"

"I guess so. But you have to know this Fee," she reaches out and grabs my chin. I pull away. "I never wanted it to end like this."

"Well, I never wanted it to end," I spew. "I hope he makes you happy," I groan right before the tears begin to fall. I turn and run inside. Instead of heading to the party, I turn the corner and run upstairs. I stop at the top where I cry in peace. The tears fall into the puddle on the floor from my dripping dress.

**Gemma**

Adalae comes inside covered in water. Felicity is not with her. I excuse myself from the conversation with William and walk to her. "Where's Felicity," I ask worried.

"I don't know. She came inside, but I don't know where exactly she went."

"Why isn't she with you?" I pose. I am getting angry. The young man who sat with Adalae during the wedding approaches. His arm slides around her waist and he kisses her cheek. "Where have you been pumpkin?" he whispers. It all makes sense now. I know that I need to find Felicity. This is bad news for her. But first I want to pummel Adalae. Without thinking, I ball my hand into a fist and hit her as hard as I can in the eye. She falls back and reaches for her eye.

"What the hell!" she shouts angrily. Luckily, she does not hit back. "You little bitch!" she continues. I feel two strong arms lace around my waist. I leap into the air trying to get out the embrace but settle down when I hear William's voice in my ear trying to calm me down.

"Let me go," I demand. William's hands detach themselves. I turn and look at all the staring faces. "Excuse me," I say before fleeing.

I call out Fee's name once I am out of sight. She does not respond. I start to walk up the stairs when I hear sobbing. I take the stairs by twos and stop in front of her. She lies in a heap on the hard ground. Her wet hair sticks to her even more wet cheeks.

"I'm here," I assure her, giving my hand for her taking. She grabs it and squeezes tightly. I sit down next to her and let her cry onto my nicest dress. We sit like that for a long time. Just as Fee begins to relax, I hear footsteps coming. Adalae appears in front of us. Her eye is swollen shut and bruised completely around it. Felicity takes one look and begins to laugh. The laugh turns into more tears.

"Go away," I command Adalae.

"Can I talk to you alone?" she asks Felicity. Fee looks into her eye and laughs again.

"I'm sorry," she giggles. "I just can't take you seriously. Gemma, did you do that?"

"Yes. And I wish I would've done more.

"Please, Felicity. I need to talk to you." I look at Fee for an answer. She seems to think it over. She nods at me and stands to walk with Adalae. They leave me alone in the puddle.

**Felicity**

"It's not like I don't want to be with you," Adalae begins as we walk down the hall.

"But you won't?" I ask, remembering when she asked me a question very similar to this.

"I just don't think we are right for each other. I mean we don't even get along. How are we supposed to have a functioning relationship?"

"Don't you get it?" I ask angrily. "We aren't supposed to function. I never said it would be easy. But I know that you like a challenge. And so do I. Why can't we just give a real relationship a try? I mean you love me, and I love you. Is that not enough?"

"I wish it were." she says defeated.

"See that's just the problem. You have already ended our relationship even though it hasn't begun. Adalae, look at me. I want to be with you. I promise it will work if we both want it bad enough."

"But what if I don't want it to work?"

"I don't believe that. You want it too. That's why you went and found a man. You want someone to fill that void that I left in your heart. But I am the only one that fits perfectly."

We stop at the end of the hall. One of the girls left her bedroom door open. It is Ann and Gemma's old room. I walk in and sit on Gemma's old bed. Adalae sits across from me. "So what does all this mean?" Adalae sighs.

"It means that I will go wherever you ask me to. I will follow you to the end of the earth if you ask. I will move to America if you want. I will do whatever it takes to have you." I lean forward slightly and wait. Adalae does not close the distance. "Kiss me, and you will know that I mean everything I have said," I purr. I lean a little more. Finally, Adalae meets me in the middle. Our lips part slightly and I can feel her hot breath on my nose.

Her lips meet mine gently. They taste of mint, as usual. The sensation is strong. The kiss deepens, but I pull away. "Let's take it slow this time. I want to prove to you that I want a real relationship." Adalae smiles her most gracious grin. I have her back. She is mine, I realize.

"I love you," I say so I can hear her say it back.

"I love you too," she answers. And with that I grab her hand and lead her back to the celebration.


	40. Chapter 40

**So this is the end of the story. Thanks to everyone that read. **

**Gemma**

August 15, 1901

New York City

_And we'll all float on, ok.  
And we'll all float on, ok.  
And we'll all float on, ok.  
And we'll all float on, alright.  
Already we'll all float on.  
No, don't you worry, we'll all float on.  
Alright, already, we'll all float on.  
Alright, don't worry, we'll all float on_

_Float On, Modest Mouse_

Everything has worked out better than I ever would have imagined. Mr. Carter and I are going to marry this December. The baby is doing well and I am very excited to be having the child of Kartik. I will be happy no matter what, but secretly, I hope it is a girl. I want her to inherit the magic of the realms. I want to tell her all about her father.

Ann and Charlie settled down only a few blocks from us. They are very happy with their situation. Soon they plan on going back to work, but for now they want to enjoy each other's company.

Felicity moved here with far less argument than I expected. She and Adalae moved in together a few weeks ago. They seem very happy together when they aren't arguing about one thing or another.

The realms are at peace. The tribal leaders agreed to meet once every other month until further need be. I continue to go to the realms. Felicity is my advisor. I ask her for help whenever I need some guidance on what should be done in the realms. I know that Adalae and Felicity explore the realms together quite frequently. I even believe that Fee opened up to Adalae about Pip. I'm pretty sure they visited Pip's grave together.

Fowlson also moved to America to be near me. Ishmael came with him. They visit occasionally, but mostly I know that they are watching from a distance, protecting me from afar. Polly keeps in constant communication with Fee. She will come here for Christmas. We are all looking forward to it.

Life is exactly as it should be. I am happier than I have been in a while. Mr. Carter treats me wonderfully, Kartik will live on forever through his child, and all my friends are happy.

I am not sure what the future holds. But no matter what may come, I feel confident because I have three of the best friends I could have asked for. Behind those great friends, I have allies everywhere. I am truly blessed. I have no fear.

I stand in my home and stare out the window. People walk by completely oblivious to the magic and other worlds that I know. Somehow I know this is how it is supposed to be. A leave floats by in front of my wind as it drifts toward the earth. I follow it with my eyes. Life takes you to unknown places, but that is what makes it fun. We just get to float along.

**Please Please Please Review now that the story is over. I'd love to know what everyone thought.**


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